Saturday, 23 May 2015

Fear Success? Top 5 Indicators

By Valery Satterwhite

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." Marianne Williamson

It's strange to think that fear of succeeding could be such a big issue and do much damage. I've found it to be a common underlying source of paralysis and a unyielding block for many of the creative people I mentor each day. What's even stranger is that the people who suffer most profoundly from a fear of success are usually not even aware they have it.

Here are the Top 5 behaviors that indicate a fear of success:

1. I have trouble saying no to people.

2. Before I start to work on a project, I suddenly find a lot of other things to take care of first.

3. When I see someone succeed, I feel like I've lost out on something by comparison.

4. I adopt positive creative habits, get going on my work, and then suddenly revert back to my old habits.

5. I usually compromise in situations to avoid conflict.

Fear of success is the work of the Inner Critic. People fear success because they place such a heavy weight upon it. Self-esteem and self-worth is tightly wrapped around whether on not one is successful. All they identify with at the moment is a perceptively unsuccessful person. The person who fear success fears losing their identity. She may not like how she feels about herself but that's all she knows; its her comfort zone. To move out of that zone is too scary.

"Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the 'someday I'll' philosophy."  Dennis Waitley

Success comes with a lot of responsibility. What will happen if you become successful and then fail, once again? Now you can fail privately. A public failure would be too humiliating, too painful. This scenario is a fear of an event projected by your inner being out into the future. Using the "avoidance of pain" as a motivator is like driving with the brakes on. On the surface, it looks like you're trying to achieve your goals but, underneath, you are holding yourself back with all your might.

Some people even have deep rooted irrational beliefs around their ideas of wealth. Again, these beliefs are the work of the Inner Critic. For example, one may believe that rich people are selfish and only look out for themselves. Essentially, they're jerks. The person who fears success, and the wealth it would bring, may not want to become a jerk! So, he holds himself back so he can stay the kind compassionate person he is now. Truth is, wealth does not change people. If you're kind and compassionate now, you'll be kind and compassionate as a wealthy person.

"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." Mark Twain

The only thing standing between you and your success is - You! Look within. Identify the beliefs that serve as the foundation of your fear. Look for evidence of the opposite. Notice successful people who are kind and compassionate. Remind yourself that you are a responsible person. As a responsible person you are responsible for your success as well as your paralysis. Since you are already responsible, you will be able to handle the joyful responsibility of your success. 

Copyright (c) 2009 Valery Satterwhite

About The Author
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mentor who specializes in empowering creative people to create more profoundly, more prolifically, and more profitably. Empower yourself to trust your intuition, acknowledge your truth, and disarm your fear and self-doubt. Valery developed a proven unique "Inner Wizard" methodology to empower other creative people to actualize their full potential. Join now at Get Free "Inner Wizard tips" too!

Saturday, 16 May 2015

How Well Do You Listen?

By Neil Graber

Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. It means being attentive to the other person and doing more than just creating the impression the conversation is important to you. You need to show the other person that you value what they are saying by giving them your full attention. Your ability to listen will have an impact on your effectiveness at work and home as well as your success in relationships with others.

One would think we are better listeners than what we really are considering the importance of hearing what others say. Some studies identify we hear somewhere between 20 to 50% of what another is sharing with us. Most of us would not want our relationships or our success determined with those odds.

By becoming a better listener, we will understand others better, have more facts upon which decisions can be based, will avoid some conflicts as we hear all the facts presented, and will better relate to what the other individual is feeling. I'm sure you have heard the term 'active listener' before, but let's take a few moments to review what that really means.

Pay attention to the other individual - focus on the speaker and ignore the distractions around you. Don't attempt to guess where the person is going with the conversation or how you will respond. Watch the speaker's body language as well as listening to their words.

Demonstrate you are listening - with your own body language and gestures show the other individual you are completely focusing on their words. At appropriate times, provide small verbal comments so they know you are listening..

Give feedback to the speaker - to ensure you are understanding the message they are sharing, repeat certain information back to the speaker or ask clarifying questions.

Don't interrupt - allow the speakers to keep their train of thought and finish their message.

Respond once they have finished talking - at the end of the message, the speaker is most likely looking for your response. When providing your comments, be open and candid, but also be respectful and caring in your words.

When listening over the telephone or the computer, you may also wish to jot down notes to later reference when providing feedback or asking questions. As you do not have the ability to see the person speaking in this case, listen more carefully to the words and how they are conveyed.

As in the case of listening over the phone, to truly hear what people are saying, you need to also listen to what they are not saying. Listen carefully to detect feelings or unsaid words in the conversation, or if certain words are given extra emphasis and others less emphasis. Each may impact the overall message more than just the words that are actually said.

Being a good listener will require concentration and perhaps breaking some of the listening habits we possess today. For the most part, focus on the other individual and what they are saying, wait for them to finish, and think before you begin to rattle off a response. Effective listening skills are critical to your success in creating and keeping relationships. Now perhaps we will understand why we have two ears and only one mouth.

About The Author
Neil Graber, Life Style Mentor and Successful Entrepreneur, is helping many become the next success story. Whether you're looking to create an extra few thousand dollars per month, be an ex-corporate executive, or the next millionaire Mom, Neil can assist you to create a second stream of income and greater peace of mind. visit : Success

Saturday, 9 May 2015

Listening As Though The Other Person Might Be Right

By James Burgess

Listening as though the other person might be right is a skill we can learn that enriches our quality of life.

What is right or wrong, good or bad, is so often a local, current opinion that is nothing more than an aspect of normal behaviour at a particular time in a particular place. In other words, morality ethics, customs, laws and even the courtesy of good manners are things that vary geographically and from age to age. It is worth having this in mind when listening to the views of another person and think whether their values reflect their age and environment as much as your own opinions reflect yours. Factors such as income levels, racial origin, birthplace and time of life are primary in the formation of belief and customs. You deserve and win respect if you show respect to another person whose words and actions speak of these differences.

The span and depth of our personal experiences in life are measured subjectively -one man's ceiling is another woman's floor - and yet, most of us want to reach further, whatever that means to us. Of course this requires us to adopt new perspectives, to try out new things, and such things very often come to us first as rather strange, often challenging viewpoints. The first flinch against something new is the automatic reflex of self-protection, and this needs to be carefully overcome if we are to expand our horizons in a healthy way. Being open-minded shows itself in our willingness to take on new ideas, learn skills, to meet new people and avoid dogma and prejudice.

When someone is talking to you and you are inwardly resistant and tend to disagree, then on some level they can feel that. It will probably diminish their ability to express their thoughts clearly and confidently and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. However, if your listening attention is warm and supportive, then rapport is established and a sense of harmony can pervade the atmosphere between you. Their message then will reflect the goodwill you radiate, and it will be more positive and more likely to please you.

This is no small thing. If we want to make the world a better place, then we will all need to learn how to think and speak much more positively, and therefore learn to listen to others in such a way that their thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. A tricky task! Simply disagreeing and correcting a person's negative expression is quite likely to reinforce it. Of course realization needs to occur, (and you may feel constrained and obliged to facilitate this awakening!) yet it has to be gently managed.

There is quite obviously a process taking place between speaker and listener that can be co-creating. As we have said, the listener's quality of attention has an effect upon the message in form as well as essence. It goes without saying that the speaker's words will touch the listener. Both are involved, each influencing the other and significantly each influencing the message itself. Let's think about this: it runs against the idea that an individual has totally responsibility (or indeed can take total credit) for what they say.

Perhaps a degree more humility is appropriate when we talk, so that we are ready to acknowledge the importance of a good listener sharing in the process of voicing the wisdom gems we deliver (and yet think of as our own!) Also when listening we could take a little more responsibility for what is said to us, and perhaps more importantly, how it is said - with respect, with anger, with contempt - because "it takes two to tango".

There is of course another good reason to listen carefully, respectfully, warmly and open-mindedly to another person - there's a good chance that they might actually have something of value for us to hear.

These ideas follow the 7 Words model  that all things are basically expressions of the seven fundamentals: No, Hello, Thanks, Bye, Please, Sorry, Yes. See if you can recognise them in the 7 stages above.

About The Author
Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 8 Words website (, interactive fun with the 'satisfaction index calculator' at and free seminars are offered for participants at the UK alternative family holiday experience of Unicorn Camps (

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Saturday, 25 April 2015

Aspire To Be Yourself

By Amy Twain

In the everlasting journey called life, human beings are almost amusing in a strange kind of way. Most people think and believe that they have to "live up" to another family member, relative, or screen idol. Some even have become envious or jealous of popular celebrities and want or even aspire to look, think, and act and be like the famous stars of the silver screen. TV ads and commercials tell us that we "need" those particular services and products to "make" us look better, think better, feel better and smell better. Because of this, some people have become so obsessed in their desire and constant search for perfection that they lose sight of who they really are in the first place.

One of the most unusual ideologies of most individuals is that they truly believe that they could literally "alter" or "transform" themselves into another person. Other societal influence is exhibited and displayed by models and almost perfect celebrities as they all possess those seemingly unreachable physical attributes, with matching innate self-confidence to boot. But the bottom line is: no one is born perfect and not all actors and models have flawless face and bodies. Not all people are born with fabulous hair and smooth and great skin. So what do we do about it - we improvise and then we compromise. We improvise or experiment with makeup, clothing, products, and services and so on.

We compromise ourselves in the process though, because we become no longer "true" to our inborn natural form. And people who think and feel that they "should" actually alter themselves to look like other person, is moreover an issue of self esteem or lack of it. The best and most successful goal in life is to aspire to be yourself. Okay, now try looking at yourself in the mirror. Ask that person the following questions: 1.) What defines me as a person and what are my goals in life? 2.) What do I want to do and am I happy with my self? 3.) How do I wish others to see me? 4.) What are my aspirations and dreams? 5.) Am I even confident with my self? 6.) Do I really "need" to alter or transform myself? 7.) What more can I do to be happier and most significantly, do I even know where am I going in my life? When you begin to aspire to be you, one does not need to compare for other personalities.

In aspiring to be you, there are no paradoxes. A person has to merely look within to find her/his distinct definition of life and how he/she expresses himself/herself in the community. When you begin to aspire being you, you do not have to be a superhero or a rich and famous celebrity. Just be yourself in body, mind and spirit. Aspire to be like yourself, the gift of nature to mankind. When you aspire to be you, it is how you present yourself to you, and not defining yourself by becoming somebody else. When you like yourself and find contentment within you, the journey of life would be sailing smooth.

About The Author
The author of this article Amy Twain is a Self Improvement Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Amy recently published a new home study course on how to boost your Self Esteem overnight. More info about this "Quick-Action Plan for A More Confident You" is available at

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