Saturday, 6 September 2014

Overcoming Life's Challenges - Are You Tired Of It?

By Noelyne Jones

I've given up.....hoping that one day I will no longer have challenges to overcome in life. A few years ago I had got to the point where I was tired of the constant struggle to overcome the challenges that seem to continually come my way. Challenges at work, in my personal life, with my relationships and after my divorce the financial challenges. I know that you learn most from the experiences that stretch you and take you out of your comfort zone however, I had got to the point where I no longer wanted to be stretched and developed.

Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt very tired of the constant battle to keep your head above water? Always feeling as though no matter what you do nothing changes or improves? Thinking that you are just about to get there, then something else arrives to knock you off your stride? Like redundancy or discovering your partner or husband is having an affair? Have you ever felt that you just don't want to have to do what it takes to survive and be successful?

The problem is with hoping that you will find happiness and peace and no struggles one day is, that one day never arrives. Do you know why it will never arrive? Because it's always in the future. That's a big lesson I have learned. There is only now. The past is history, the future a mystery and the present is a gift that's why they call it the present. It's here right now that you will find the peace and contentment and satisfaction and happiness that you desire.

Once realise that there is only now you can start to let go of the worry, frustration and feeling of constant battles. You just need to know that whatever happens you will handle it. I've turned my life around from that desperate feeling of never really getting anywhere with my life and I now have the life of my dreams. Yes there are always things that I desire and strive for, life would be no fun if you didn't have those hopes. The important thing is to enjoy the present moment.

And life continues to throw me those challenges. I've already blogged about one this week when I was asked at short notice to travel to Portsmouth to deliver a training course the following morning. What's challenging about that I hear you ask? I had been up since 5am to travel to a meeting 3 hours away and was sat on a train on the return journey when the call came through. I arrived home at 7.30 and then drove to Portsmouth arriving at midnight.

This week I've also discovered an issue with one of my tenants, that needs to be dealt with immediately. A few years ago this would have sent me into the panic zone and sleepless nights. That feeling of fear you get to the point where you freeze not knowing what to do. However, now it's a process that needs to be followed to get the desired outcome. No I don't want to have to be dealing with this, it would be lovely if everything was as it should be, but it's not. And the sooner you accept the reality the sooner you can take action to do something about it.

It's often other people's behaviour that causes the problem. In this case, a standard or something that it very important to me has been broken. When you feel strongly enough about the situation and have clear standards then the solution is easy to choose and the action that follows easy to take, even though you don't really want to be doing it. Knowing who to contact for support helps immensely. I used to bottle things up for fear of appearing as though I couldn't cope, for fear of what other people might think or say. I didn't want to have to deal with their reaction.

You all need some time now and again in the comfort zone, it's where you feel safe and things are easy. There's a familiarity and this can happen at home and at work when you have been living or working on a task for some time. If you stay in the comfort zone too long it can become boring and you start to feel that there must be more to life than this.

If you get out of the habit of setting yourself new goals and activities to follow then you can easily go into your panic zone when facing a new or unexpected situation. This is where you allow your fear of what might or might not happen to stop you from taking action, you freeze. It's inevitable that you will feel this at different stages throughout your life. You need to recognise the feeling and get curious about what it's telling you. What are you afraid of? You need to get back to the Stretch zone, where you will feel excited and challenged rather than fearful.

When you overcome your fear and step out of your comfort zone into the stretch zone life becomes much more exciting and challenging. You become more confident as you develop new skills and overcome those challenges.

I've learned that the only thing that I can truly control in my life is my reaction to whatever happens. I've also know that I have the confidence and courage to overcome anything. Life is a balancing act of living in the comfort zone, moving into the stretch zone when appropriate and recognising when you are in the panic zone and need to change your approach.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

Your Personal Achievement Specialist

About The Author
Noelyne Jones the "Personal Achievement Maestro" is the Training and Development expert who specialises in overcoming low confidence and self-esteem, banishing procrastination and removing all fears and doubts so that you can get the life that you want. With over 20 years experience Noelyne is an expert in Personal Effectiveness Strategies, People Management and Health and Well-Being. Her purpose is to sky rocket your confidence and self-belief using her unique toolkit of skills and techniques including Coaching, Neuro Lingusitic Programming (NLP) and accelerated learning activities.

Find out more at

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'Showing you how to enjoy the process of life'

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Saturday, 30 August 2014

Focused Energy

By Susan Russo

"Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you can possibly have."
-Andrew Carnegie

The average man and woman have no idea how they expend their energy. Let's imagine that each day you have been given a supply of energy to use and it's up to you how you choose to use it. Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are all a part of this energy supply and depending on the quality of them is what will determine how fast or slow you wipe out your supply and how you will experience life.

You've heard of people who say they are emotionally drained. You can only imagine how this is possible. Thoughts, feelings and emotions that drag you down, wipe you out, pull you apart and have you at your wits end will deplete your level the fastest.

Fear of something happening or not happening. Stress over whatever; work, kids, money, family, life in general. Loss is a big one. Anger, hatred, jealousy, depression, worry, loneliness or any emotions that fit inside the "negative" category will clean your energy supply clock so to speak.

And to top it off, these kinds of thoughts, feelings and emotions use up so much more energy than their counterparts; joy, love; peace; kindness, intent, forgiveness; faith and harmony which by the way will actually replenish your levels.

The reality is that life CAN be tough. We are all thrown a lot of stuff to deal with and depending on how you choose to react to what you are dealt will determine how you use your energy.

When events occur, regardless of what they may be, we are all going to have a reaction to them. Initially they may take the wind out of your sails or knock you off your feet but that doesn't mean the ship will sink or that you can't pick yourself back up again.

But, depending on where you focus your energy, i.e. thoughts, emotions and feelings about any given situation will decide how much of your supply you lose. And this loss will directly affect the quality of your life.

When in the midst of some kind of turmoil it would help if you simply stop and breathe. Go inside yourself where harmony and peace reside and rest for just a minute. Know that ALL things will work out somehow, some way and that you have the strength to get through anything.

Tap into the ever present supply of healing, peace and harmony which is always there; your spirit. Know that when you switch the direction of your energy from that which zaps you to that which renews and fills you; you will replenish your supply and it will leave you empowered instead of weakened.

Draining your energy through a constant vigil on the negative is a choice. You can build your energy by focusing on your intent. What is the outcome you are after? What is it that you want to feel? What is it that you want to experience? How can focusing on what makes you feel bad make you feel better?

We all look for outside factors to make us feel better or to make things better when the truth is all that you really need you already have. All you have to do is tap into that energy field within you that will fill you up when you are down and that will bring you peace where there is chaos.

You are the only one who can choose whether you will drain yourself or fill yourself. It's all on where you focus your thoughts, feelings and emotions! Are you a zapper or a tapper?

About The Author
To find out more about how to stop wasting your time and begin living your best life now, go to: Susan's work has inspired people from all over the world to take back their power! Learn the secrets in Susan's new book: "The 7 Keys to Unlock the Power Within You."

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Saturday, 23 August 2014

Getting Beyond Betrayal

By Susan Russo

"Trust can take years to build, but only a second to break." -Anonymous

I get more questions on this one topic than any other. In most cases people struggle with not being able to get over some thing or situation that is causing them pain. They typically say, "I just can't."

When you find yourself in a situation where someone you thought was your friend or worse yet your partner, and they have lied to you, cheated on you, stabbed you in the back or betrayed you on any level, how do you think that is going to make you feel?

Some of the emotions you might experience right out of the gate are: outrage, anger, hurt, devastation, disbelief and an overwhelming feeling of injustice that you want to avenge.

These kinds of emotions are normal reactions when someone who you thought loved you or cared about you, betrays you. The closer you were to this person the bigger the impact.

But, number one, it doesn't mean that you won't get over it and number two and more importantly, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the kind of person they are.

Most of the time people blame themselves as if there is something wrong with them and that is the reason this person betrayed them.

For instance: Would you ever lie to your boss about your friend at work, telling stories that weren't true about your friend to set them up to get fired? Why not?

How about this, would you ever deceive a friend, or do something behind their back that would ultimately hurt them? Why not?

Would you disrespect your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend in front of other people? Why not?

Or, would you lie, cheat and steal from your partner? Why not?

Maybe the reason you wouldn't do this is because that isn't the kind of person you are and you would never think of doing something like this, but yet it's been done to you and you still want this person in your life? Why?

And, when any of these circumstances land at your front door, why do you blame yourself? There isn't something wrong with you; there is something wrong with them!!

Let's see, could it be their lack of integrity? Or, is it their lack of honesty, respect, honor, goodness, compassion? Etc. These people only care about one thing,themselves. Yet, you put them on a pedestal and act like you are losing something by not having them in your life.

Once the impact of being betrayed begins to subside you can begin to see them for who and what they are, hopefully you will see that, even though YOU cared about them, they apparently had another agenda.

Look, no one deserves to be or likes to be on the receiving end of someone's blatant disregard toward them. Especially from someone you love and who says they love you. But, unfortunately, it happens way too often and I too have been the recipient of this kind of betrayal.

It's what you do when this ugly event occurs in your life that will make the difference.

Of course you go through the initial emotions, that's normal. But the last thing you do is,think there is something wrong with you. The fault clearly lands on the shoulders of the person who would knowingly do something that would hurt you.

Once the shock subsides and you start to see straight again, you can see that this is NOT the kind of person you want to call a friend or worse yet, a partner.

Oh sure, you may still love them and you are reeling from the betrayal but the reality is, anyone who could treat you with such little regard, kick you to the curb and couldn't care less as to how this will affect your life, isn't worth another precious thought.

It's people like this who make it an ugly place to live in this world. They have more deep seated issues than you realize and they clearly don't deserve to be regarded so highly by you, as if they were some kind of a prize.

Remember, it's not what happens to us in life that matters as much as how we handle it; how we choose to perceive it. You can cop an attitude instead of falling apart. You can choose to accept what happened and let it go or you can hold onto it and keep telling yourself that you can't let go.

You can choose to remain a victim of betrayal or you can clear your head and say, what a full-time jerk, thank God/Allah/Higher Power that they are out of my life and you move on.

You find the strength to move on by knowing that you don't deserve to be treated like this, you find the strength by knowing that you are so much better off without this kind of person in your life, you find the strength when you put your head back on straight and see them for who they truly are.

Letting betrayal eat at you is your choice. Pick up the pieces, lick your wounds and live a better life without them in it. Terrible things happen to everyone in life. It's unfair and you really don't deserve it but what can you do? Either let it make you stronger or let it tear you apart.

By dwelling on the past and the hurt you only keep yourself imprisoned in the past. Take the key, unlock your jail door and free yourself from holding onto a situation that has hurt you. Let go of wanting revenge and going over and over what if, if only and why.

There isn't anything you can do now to change what happened except deal with it.

Hold your head high, knowing that this too shall pass and you will not allow this kind of person to continue to affect your life by YOU holding onto them.

You throw out your trash right? Well, next garbage day, throw out the mental garbage you've been holding onto, clean out your emotional house and clear out the old to bring in the new. There is a whole life out there waiting for you when you move on.

The reality is that you are going to move on sooner or later so why not make it sooner. It's up to you.

About The Author
Susan Russo is an author and coach whose work has inspired people from all over the world to take back their power! Would you like to empower yourself to do the same? Discover Susan's 7 Keys to unlock your power by picking up your FREE report at:

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Saturday, 16 August 2014

Needs vs. Neediness

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

I recently received the following request:

"Hi Dr. Paul -- I would be interested in an article that talks about having needs vs. being needy.

I was brought up to be ashamed of my needs. I was supposed to be self-sufficient. As a result, I am ashamed of neediness and often don't recognize my own needs. I also don't know how to tell if others are "being needy" or simply expressing a need.

What I am learning is that humans are INTER-dependent and everyone has needs that can only be filled by another person. One example is the Romanian orphans who were brain damaged because they were never held or touched. In order to be healthy I need others, because I can't hug myself.

So I can take care of myself, but I think my "self-sufficiency toolbox" isn't complete if I can't recognize valid needs, express them to others, and ask for help from them.

Please if you can, I would love an article that differentiates between being needy and having needs."

The woman asking this question is referring to emotional needs - needs beyond the basic physical needs such as food, water, air, shelter, and so on.

We do not thrive without love, so I consider love a basic need. Even though we might muddle through without love, I believe that many people get ill and die from a lack of love - dying of loneliness.

Most of us know that infants and small children need love to survive. Many babies have died or, as stated above, suffered brain damage, due to not being held with love. "Failure to thrive" is the term used when an infant dies due to not being held with love.

There are times when we need another to hold us and empathically help us through core pain such as heartache and grief. There are times when we are ill and need another to soothe us. This kind of loving care is a basic need.

The sharing of love is also a basic need. However, there is a huge difference between trying to get someone else to love us, and our need to share love.

We all need to learn to bring love to ourselves through our spiritual connection. It is only when we can fill ourselves up with the Source of Love that we have love to share. When are not taking responsibility for developing our spiritual connection and learning to fill ourselves up with love, then we become needy.

When someone is not taking responsibility for their own feelings and pulling on others for attention and approval, they are being needy. You know they are being needy because it feels like they are draining you rather than sharing with you. You know you are being needy when you feel empty inside and upset with others when you don't get what you want from them.

Part of taking loving care of ourselves is to recognize our need to share love and reach out to others who also want to share love. But asking for help from an empty place, hoping that another person will fill you up and make you feel worthy and safe, is needy. We are needy when we emotionally abandon ourselves and expect others to give us what we are not giving to ourselves. We are legitimately asking to have a need met when we reach out to others to share love, or to receive the help we might need to heal. Our need to share love can only be met by another person.

The difference between need and needy is mostly about energy. We are needy when we are empty because we have abandoned ourselves by not taking responsibility for our own feelings. We are expressing a need when we are taking loving care of ourselves and sharing our love with others, or reaching out for legitimate help. While the actions of need and neediness may look the same, then energy behind the actions are completely different.

About The Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding process - featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding course: and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

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