Have you ever felt like you're talking, but nobody is listening? Julian Treasure demonstrates some useful vocal exercises and shares tips on how to speak with empathy, he offers his vision for a sonorous world of listening and understanding.
Showing posts with label listening skills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label listening skills. Show all posts
Sunday, 1 November 2015
Saturday, 16 May 2015
How Well Do You Listen?
By Neil Graber
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. It means being attentive to the other person and doing more than just creating the impression the conversation is important to you. You need to show the other person that you value what they are saying by giving them your full attention. Your ability to listen will have an impact on your effectiveness at work and home as well as your success in relationships with others.
One would think we are better listeners than what we really are considering the importance of hearing what others say. Some studies identify we hear somewhere between 20 to 50% of what another is sharing with us. Most of us would not want our relationships or our success determined with those odds.
By becoming a better listener, we will understand others better, have more facts upon which decisions can be based, will avoid some conflicts as we hear all the facts presented, and will better relate to what the other individual is feeling. I'm sure you have heard the term 'active listener' before, but let's take a few moments to review what that really means.
Pay attention to the other individual - focus on the speaker and ignore the distractions around you. Don't attempt to guess where the person is going with the conversation or how you will respond. Watch the speaker's body language as well as listening to their words.
Demonstrate you are listening - with your own body language and gestures show the other individual you are completely focusing on their words. At appropriate times, provide small verbal comments so they know you are listening..
Give feedback to the speaker - to ensure you are understanding the message they are sharing, repeat certain information back to the speaker or ask clarifying questions.
Don't interrupt - allow the speakers to keep their train of thought and finish their message.
Respond once they have finished talking - at the end of the message, the speaker is most likely looking for your response. When providing your comments, be open and candid, but also be respectful and caring in your words.
When listening over the telephone or the computer, you may also wish to jot down notes to later reference when providing feedback or asking questions. As you do not have the ability to see the person speaking in this case, listen more carefully to the words and how they are conveyed.
As in the case of listening over the phone, to truly hear what people are saying, you need to also listen to what they are not saying. Listen carefully to detect feelings or unsaid words in the conversation, or if certain words are given extra emphasis and others less emphasis. Each may impact the overall message more than just the words that are actually said.
Being a good listener will require concentration and perhaps breaking some of the listening habits we possess today. For the most part, focus on the other individual and what they are saying, wait for them to finish, and think before you begin to rattle off a response. Effective listening skills are critical to your success in creating and keeping relationships. Now perhaps we will understand why we have two ears and only one mouth.
About The Author
Neil Graber, Life Style Mentor and Successful Entrepreneur, is helping many become the next success story. Whether you're looking to create an extra few thousand dollars per month, be an ex-corporate executive, or the next millionaire Mom, Neil can assist you to create a second stream of income and greater peace of mind. visit : Success http://netweb-ads.com/neilandsue
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_6671.shtml
Saturday, 9 May 2015
Listening As Though The Other Person Might Be Right
Listening as though the other person might be right is a skill we can learn that enriches our quality of life.
What is right or wrong, good or bad, is so often a local, current opinion that is nothing more than an aspect of normal behaviour at a particular time in a particular place. In other words, morality ethics, customs, laws and even the courtesy of good manners are things that vary geographically and from age to age. It is worth having this in mind when listening to the views of another person and think whether their values reflect their age and environment as much as your own opinions reflect yours. Factors such as income levels, racial origin, birthplace and time of life are primary in the formation of belief and customs. You deserve and win respect if you show respect to another person whose words and actions speak of these differences.
The span and depth of our personal experiences in life are measured subjectively -one man's ceiling is another woman's floor - and yet, most of us want to reach further, whatever that means to us. Of course this requires us to adopt new perspectives, to try out new things, and such things very often come to us first as rather strange, often challenging viewpoints. The first flinch against something new is the automatic reflex of self-protection, and this needs to be carefully overcome if we are to expand our horizons in a healthy way. Being open-minded shows itself in our willingness to take on new ideas, learn skills, to meet new people and avoid dogma and prejudice.
When someone is talking to you and you are inwardly resistant and tend to disagree, then on some level they can feel that. It will probably diminish their ability to express their thoughts clearly and confidently and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. However, if your listening attention is warm and supportive, then rapport is established and a sense of harmony can pervade the atmosphere between you. Their message then will reflect the goodwill you radiate, and it will be more positive and more likely to please you.
This is no small thing. If we want to make the world a better place, then we will all need to learn how to think and speak much more positively, and therefore learn to listen to others in such a way that their thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. A tricky task! Simply disagreeing and correcting a person's negative expression is quite likely to reinforce it. Of course realization needs to occur, (and you may feel constrained and obliged to facilitate this awakening!) yet it has to be gently managed.
There is quite obviously a process taking place between speaker and listener that can be co-creating. As we have said, the listener's quality of attention has an effect upon the message in form as well as essence. It goes without saying that the speaker's words will touch the listener. Both are involved, each influencing the other and significantly each influencing the message itself. Let's think about this: it runs against the idea that an individual has totally responsibility (or indeed can take total credit) for what they say.
Perhaps a degree more humility is appropriate when we talk, so that we are ready to acknowledge the importance of a good listener sharing in the process of voicing the wisdom gems we deliver (and yet think of as our own!) Also when listening we could take a little more responsibility for what is said to us, and perhaps more importantly, how it is said - with respect, with anger, with contempt - because "it takes two to tango".
There is of course another good reason to listen carefully, respectfully, warmly and open-mindedly to another person - there's a good chance that they might actually have something of value for us to hear.
These ideas follow the 7 Words model that all things are basically expressions of the seven fundamentals: No, Hello, Thanks, Bye, Please, Sorry, Yes. See if you can recognise them in the 7 stages above.
About The Author
Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 8 Words website (http://www.7words.co.uk/life-management/meanings_7words), interactive fun with the 'satisfaction index calculator' athttp://www.7wordsassociates.org/psychology_spotlight.php.php and free seminars are offered for participants at the UK alternative family holiday experience of Unicorn Camps (http://www.unicorncamps.com/alternative_events/unicorncamps_in_7_words.php)
Visit the author's web site at: http://www.7wordsassociates.org
Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_6756.shtml
What is right or wrong, good or bad, is so often a local, current opinion that is nothing more than an aspect of normal behaviour at a particular time in a particular place. In other words, morality ethics, customs, laws and even the courtesy of good manners are things that vary geographically and from age to age. It is worth having this in mind when listening to the views of another person and think whether their values reflect their age and environment as much as your own opinions reflect yours. Factors such as income levels, racial origin, birthplace and time of life are primary in the formation of belief and customs. You deserve and win respect if you show respect to another person whose words and actions speak of these differences.
The span and depth of our personal experiences in life are measured subjectively -one man's ceiling is another woman's floor - and yet, most of us want to reach further, whatever that means to us. Of course this requires us to adopt new perspectives, to try out new things, and such things very often come to us first as rather strange, often challenging viewpoints. The first flinch against something new is the automatic reflex of self-protection, and this needs to be carefully overcome if we are to expand our horizons in a healthy way. Being open-minded shows itself in our willingness to take on new ideas, learn skills, to meet new people and avoid dogma and prejudice.
When someone is talking to you and you are inwardly resistant and tend to disagree, then on some level they can feel that. It will probably diminish their ability to express their thoughts clearly and confidently and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. However, if your listening attention is warm and supportive, then rapport is established and a sense of harmony can pervade the atmosphere between you. Their message then will reflect the goodwill you radiate, and it will be more positive and more likely to please you.
This is no small thing. If we want to make the world a better place, then we will all need to learn how to think and speak much more positively, and therefore learn to listen to others in such a way that their thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. A tricky task! Simply disagreeing and correcting a person's negative expression is quite likely to reinforce it. Of course realization needs to occur, (and you may feel constrained and obliged to facilitate this awakening!) yet it has to be gently managed.
There is quite obviously a process taking place between speaker and listener that can be co-creating. As we have said, the listener's quality of attention has an effect upon the message in form as well as essence. It goes without saying that the speaker's words will touch the listener. Both are involved, each influencing the other and significantly each influencing the message itself. Let's think about this: it runs against the idea that an individual has totally responsibility (or indeed can take total credit) for what they say.
Perhaps a degree more humility is appropriate when we talk, so that we are ready to acknowledge the importance of a good listener sharing in the process of voicing the wisdom gems we deliver (and yet think of as our own!) Also when listening we could take a little more responsibility for what is said to us, and perhaps more importantly, how it is said - with respect, with anger, with contempt - because "it takes two to tango".
There is of course another good reason to listen carefully, respectfully, warmly and open-mindedly to another person - there's a good chance that they might actually have something of value for us to hear.
These ideas follow the 7 Words model that all things are basically expressions of the seven fundamentals: No, Hello, Thanks, Bye, Please, Sorry, Yes. See if you can recognise them in the 7 stages above.
About The Author
Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 8 Words website (http://www.7words.co.uk/life-management/meanings_7words), interactive fun with the 'satisfaction index calculator' athttp://www.7wordsassociates.org/psychology_spotlight.php.php and free seminars are offered for participants at the UK alternative family holiday experience of Unicorn Camps (http://www.unicorncamps.com/alternative_events/unicorncamps_in_7_words.php)
Visit the author's web site at: http://www.7wordsassociates.org
Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_6756.shtml
Tuesday, 11 March 2014
Ten Hats All Leaders Wear
Submitted By Kevin Eikenberry
As a leader, all day long you are wearing a hat. Not the kind that people might laugh at or that might smoosh your hair, but a hat nonetheless.
For the next few minutes I want you to think of the various roles you play as a leader and different hats that you wear. While there are likely more, let’s talk about ten of them briefly.
Coach. As a leader you have a responsibility (and need) to develop others to succeed in their roles and prepare for future roles.
Facilitator. As a leader you have a role to facilitate (make things easier) for others. While we might think of this most often in a meeting or group situation, there are many times when you might wear the facilitator hat to help processes flow better for greater ease and productivity.
Strategist. While this hat might often be thought about leaders at higher levels in an organization, the truth is that all leaders must think strategically – thinking about the big picture and what directions and approaches must be used to reach the desired results.
Visionary. Related to strategy, leaders must have a picture of where they are heading and why that destination matters to the organization, their team and themselves.
Change Agent. With strategy and vision comes the ever-present need for change. As a leader we must lead and champion the changes that we envision and those that have been entrusted to us from above.
Decision-Maker. We want others to engage. We want their input, and as a leader we must be willing to make a decision. Whether it is a decision with less-than-perfect information, a decision that might be unpopular, or even one we don’t like ourselves, as leaders making decisions comes with the territory.
Influencer. Call it mediation or negation or even arbitration – the hat is really about influence. As a leader we must constantly be influencing others.
Team Member/Colleague. As leaders we aren’t always leading. We are also a member of our teams, as well as being the members of other project and peer teams. We must know when to put this hat on – and when to take it off.
Delegator. We can’t do it all. The best leaders put on their delegator hat willingly and strategically to coach and mentor, and to forward the work of the team.
Listener. This hat better be a tight fitting one, because it really needs to be on underneath all of the other hats all the time. As leaders we often think we need to be doing the talking – yet the best leaders talk less, and ask, listen, and observe more.
This list may seem a bit daunting, but when you realize that you are likely wearing many of them on the same day, and people will want you to switch hats instantly, it becomes downright scary.
The purpose of identifying the hats, is to understand the roles well enough that when you are in a given role and wearing a given hat, you can be more effective because you are more aware of what is needed at that moment.
Now it is your turn. Think about these questions to apply these ideas to your work as a leader. (And please leave your answers in the comments below!)
Which hats am I most confident wearing?
Which hats do I need to wear more often or more comfortably?
What steps will I take given this information?
About the Author: Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. You can learn more about him and a special offer on his newest book, Remarkable Leadership: Unleashing Your Leadership Potential One Skill at a time, at http://RemarkableLeadershipBook.com/bonuses.asp .
Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=1880612&ca=Leadership
Image courtesy of digitalart FreeDigitalPhotos.net
As a leader, all day long you are wearing a hat. Not the kind that people might laugh at or that might smoosh your hair, but a hat nonetheless.
For the next few minutes I want you to think of the various roles you play as a leader and different hats that you wear. While there are likely more, let’s talk about ten of them briefly.Coach. As a leader you have a responsibility (and need) to develop others to succeed in their roles and prepare for future roles.
Facilitator. As a leader you have a role to facilitate (make things easier) for others. While we might think of this most often in a meeting or group situation, there are many times when you might wear the facilitator hat to help processes flow better for greater ease and productivity.
Strategist. While this hat might often be thought about leaders at higher levels in an organization, the truth is that all leaders must think strategically – thinking about the big picture and what directions and approaches must be used to reach the desired results.
Visionary. Related to strategy, leaders must have a picture of where they are heading and why that destination matters to the organization, their team and themselves.
Change Agent. With strategy and vision comes the ever-present need for change. As a leader we must lead and champion the changes that we envision and those that have been entrusted to us from above.
Decision-Maker. We want others to engage. We want their input, and as a leader we must be willing to make a decision. Whether it is a decision with less-than-perfect information, a decision that might be unpopular, or even one we don’t like ourselves, as leaders making decisions comes with the territory.
Influencer. Call it mediation or negation or even arbitration – the hat is really about influence. As a leader we must constantly be influencing others.
Team Member/Colleague. As leaders we aren’t always leading. We are also a member of our teams, as well as being the members of other project and peer teams. We must know when to put this hat on – and when to take it off.
Delegator. We can’t do it all. The best leaders put on their delegator hat willingly and strategically to coach and mentor, and to forward the work of the team.
Listener. This hat better be a tight fitting one, because it really needs to be on underneath all of the other hats all the time. As leaders we often think we need to be doing the talking – yet the best leaders talk less, and ask, listen, and observe more.
This list may seem a bit daunting, but when you realize that you are likely wearing many of them on the same day, and people will want you to switch hats instantly, it becomes downright scary.
The purpose of identifying the hats, is to understand the roles well enough that when you are in a given role and wearing a given hat, you can be more effective because you are more aware of what is needed at that moment.
Now it is your turn. Think about these questions to apply these ideas to your work as a leader. (And please leave your answers in the comments below!)
Which hats am I most confident wearing?
Which hats do I need to wear more often or more comfortably?
What steps will I take given this information?
About the Author: Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. You can learn more about him and a special offer on his newest book, Remarkable Leadership: Unleashing Your Leadership Potential One Skill at a time, at http://RemarkableLeadershipBook.com/bonuses.asp .
Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=1880612&ca=Leadership
Image courtesy of digitalart FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Tuesday, 4 March 2014
The Anatomy of a Leader
By Kevin Eikenberry
There is no perfect leader; leaders truly come in all shapes and sizes. Doctors know the same about their patients, yet they still study anatomy – to understand the basic workings of body parts, their roles and how they function together. While the bodies are different, the anatomy is the same. Similarly, though the style, approach and specific skills of leaders are different, the anatomy is the same.
With this post I thought I would share my perspective on the most important body parts for all leaders, at all levels, in all situations. Here then, in no particular order, is the basic anatomy of a remarkable leader.
Feet. People want to be led by those who lead by example. The best leaders walk their walk. They do the right things for the right reasons and are willing to be observed as an example.
Hands. The best leaders are willing to roll up their sleeves and go to work. While they have their own work and priorities, they are willing to help their team when needed. They humbly bring their skills and experience to these situations in a helpful, not overbearing or controlling, way.
Fingers. The best leaders have a soft touch and can keep their fingers on the pulse of the organization. While they rely on other senses from other body parts, they stay in touch and their proximity and presence makes a difference for their team members (and the results they achieve).
Shoulders. The best leaders know that while much responsibility can and should be shared, they also understand, as did Harry Truman did, where the buck stops. Their shoulders are broad and strong, willing to support that responsibility and allow their team and organization to thrive.
Eyes. The best leaders notice what is going on around them. They watch and notice. Their ability to see what is in front of them is important, but their vision stretches beyond that. They also have excellent distance vision – they can see farther ahead and can help others see what they see as well.
Ears. The best leaders use their ears to listen, not just hold up their glasses. They listen to Customers, they listen to peers and their bosses, but most of all they listen to their people. They realize that to engage others they must encourage their input and engagement, and then they must stop and truly listen.
Lips. Good leaders must be good communicators. Whether speaking to a group, or to any individual, they must learn to speak in ways that messages are both sent successfully, and also received. The best leaders though, also know when to shut up and rely on their ears to improve their effectiveness and communication success.
Head. Good leaders are smart. They are continual learners and consistently and intentionally work to build their skills and knowledge. Since they know that being a great leader is a journey, they get on, and stay on that path. They use their head to think through problems and make reasoned decisions based on facts as well as feelings.
Heart. Leadership is about leading others – which means there is an emotional component to the role. People follow people that care. People want to be led by people who believe in them, and the organization’s mission. No leader can be great without a big, strong heart.
Leaders are human beings first – and while all of these body parts are important to all of us as humans, to leaders they perform these important additional roles. Think about your anatomy in this way and you will be challenging yourself to become the leader you were born to be.
If you would like more support on that part, take my leadership gift and become a part of the Remarkable Leadership Learning System.
About the Author: Join leaders from around the world as a member of the Remarkable Leadership Learning System. This system includes two complimentary months of that unique system as part of Kevin Eikenberry's Most Remarkable Free Leadership Gift Ever today at http://MostRemarkableFreeLeadershipGiftEver.com. Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. You can learn more about him and a special offer on his newest book, Remarkable Leadership: Unleashing Your Leadership Potential One Skill at http://RemarkableLeadershipBook.com/bonuses.asp .
Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=1854278&ca=Leadership
Image courtesy of Vlado FreeDigitalPhotos.net
There is no perfect leader; leaders truly come in all shapes and sizes. Doctors know the same about their patients, yet they still study anatomy – to understand the basic workings of body parts, their roles and how they function together. While the bodies are different, the anatomy is the same. Similarly, though the style, approach and specific skills of leaders are different, the anatomy is the same.
With this post I thought I would share my perspective on the most important body parts for all leaders, at all levels, in all situations. Here then, in no particular order, is the basic anatomy of a remarkable leader.
Feet. People want to be led by those who lead by example. The best leaders walk their walk. They do the right things for the right reasons and are willing to be observed as an example.
Hands. The best leaders are willing to roll up their sleeves and go to work. While they have their own work and priorities, they are willing to help their team when needed. They humbly bring their skills and experience to these situations in a helpful, not overbearing or controlling, way.
Fingers. The best leaders have a soft touch and can keep their fingers on the pulse of the organization. While they rely on other senses from other body parts, they stay in touch and their proximity and presence makes a difference for their team members (and the results they achieve).
Shoulders. The best leaders know that while much responsibility can and should be shared, they also understand, as did Harry Truman did, where the buck stops. Their shoulders are broad and strong, willing to support that responsibility and allow their team and organization to thrive.
Eyes. The best leaders notice what is going on around them. They watch and notice. Their ability to see what is in front of them is important, but their vision stretches beyond that. They also have excellent distance vision – they can see farther ahead and can help others see what they see as well.
Ears. The best leaders use their ears to listen, not just hold up their glasses. They listen to Customers, they listen to peers and their bosses, but most of all they listen to their people. They realize that to engage others they must encourage their input and engagement, and then they must stop and truly listen.
Lips. Good leaders must be good communicators. Whether speaking to a group, or to any individual, they must learn to speak in ways that messages are both sent successfully, and also received. The best leaders though, also know when to shut up and rely on their ears to improve their effectiveness and communication success.
Head. Good leaders are smart. They are continual learners and consistently and intentionally work to build their skills and knowledge. Since they know that being a great leader is a journey, they get on, and stay on that path. They use their head to think through problems and make reasoned decisions based on facts as well as feelings.
Heart. Leadership is about leading others – which means there is an emotional component to the role. People follow people that care. People want to be led by people who believe in them, and the organization’s mission. No leader can be great without a big, strong heart.
Leaders are human beings first – and while all of these body parts are important to all of us as humans, to leaders they perform these important additional roles. Think about your anatomy in this way and you will be challenging yourself to become the leader you were born to be.
If you would like more support on that part, take my leadership gift and become a part of the Remarkable Leadership Learning System.
About the Author: Join leaders from around the world as a member of the Remarkable Leadership Learning System. This system includes two complimentary months of that unique system as part of Kevin Eikenberry's Most Remarkable Free Leadership Gift Ever today at http://MostRemarkableFreeLeadershipGiftEver.com. Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. You can learn more about him and a special offer on his newest book, Remarkable Leadership: Unleashing Your Leadership Potential One Skill at http://RemarkableLeadershipBook.com/bonuses.asp .
Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=1854278&ca=Leadership
Image courtesy of Vlado FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
Shut up, I can't hear myself think
By James Kyle
Several years ago I was living outside Fresno in the countryside, towards Yosemite in fact, which quickly became one of my favourite places on the planet. At the time I was attending the University of Santa Monica and we students had been directed to carry out an exercise in connecting more deeply with ourselves. In the first instance I thought I would fulfil this exercise by being more focused on sitting in silent meditation on a more regular basis. I thought this should be reasonably easy to accomplish as I was living in the middle of the countryside on 30 acres of land. My universe quickly gave me feedback that this was not the way forward, as my first few attempts at silent meditation on the balcony were interrupted by construction noises of a new neighbouring farm home to one side of my house, and on moving to the other side of the house, being then faced with a loud radio being played by some other neighbours working in the fields. I took this as a sign that I was not on the right track and started to rethink how else I could meaningfully fulfil this exercise.
I then realized that a fruitful interpretation of this exercise which would be more meaningful to me personally would be to address the lack of silence in my mind - to address the mental chatter that goes on in my head for most of the day. So for the rest of the month I chose particular situations to practice a form of moving mediation in which my intention was to focus my entire awareness on whatever activity I was involved in at the time, and to use this as a means of seeing if I could quiet my overactive intellect. The three areas I chose specifically were listening to music, eating and jogging. All I can claim is that at that point I made a start on this challenging process. And I did find it very challenging. It was a powerful lesson to me to see just how easily my mind would take over again and again and that something as simple as focusing on a favourite song for all of three minutes or eating just one meal without accompanying mental chatter was so difficult. This in turn fed into my continuing resistance to the overall process. However I do think that this was a productive exercise for me to carry out, and that an important seed was planted - a deeper appreciation that focusing on this kind of moving meditation is an important way forward. This kind of process is such an important key to quieting the mind to facilitate more self awareness, by reducing the distraction of the all too obtrusive non-stop mental chatter.
There was a specific significant win for me shortly afterwards that indicated I was making at least some progress. I was driving in my car and had just came off a freeway around a long curving off ramp. Although I had been driving in the US for quite a while, I was not familiar with this particular exit off the Fresno freeway, and I mistakenly stopped at white line that was indicating a pedestrian crossing rather than a stop line. The next thing I heard was car brakes being slammed on behind me. The car did not hit me which was fortunate as irrespective of my error it was obviously going far too fast for that steeply curved exit ramp. At the next set of traffic lights the car drew up beside me and the woman driver started screaming and swearing and threatening me - it seems road rage had definitely arrived in Fresno. The significance of this interaction was that there was not one moment when I hooked into this woman’s emotion. I stayed calm and purposefully showed no reaction to what she was saying, knowing this would only inflame her further. I did not go into self recrimination. I did not move into outrage at her shouting at me. I did not buy into her definition of reality. My mind stayed peaceful and in that silence I just let her anger wash over me accepting that this was her reality but it did not have to be mine. This was a very significant personal experience of the power of a quiet mind.
So I leave you with this thought. A quiet mind helps you to avoid buying into other people’s realities: the truth of your reality is always to be found inside you.
Several years ago I was living outside Fresno in the countryside, towards Yosemite in fact, which quickly became one of my favourite places on the planet. At the time I was attending the University of Santa Monica and we students had been directed to carry out an exercise in connecting more deeply with ourselves. In the first instance I thought I would fulfil this exercise by being more focused on sitting in silent meditation on a more regular basis. I thought this should be reasonably easy to accomplish as I was living in the middle of the countryside on 30 acres of land. My universe quickly gave me feedback that this was not the way forward, as my first few attempts at silent meditation on the balcony were interrupted by construction noises of a new neighbouring farm home to one side of my house, and on moving to the other side of the house, being then faced with a loud radio being played by some other neighbours working in the fields. I took this as a sign that I was not on the right track and started to rethink how else I could meaningfully fulfil this exercise.
I then realized that a fruitful interpretation of this exercise which would be more meaningful to me personally would be to address the lack of silence in my mind - to address the mental chatter that goes on in my head for most of the day. So for the rest of the month I chose particular situations to practice a form of moving mediation in which my intention was to focus my entire awareness on whatever activity I was involved in at the time, and to use this as a means of seeing if I could quiet my overactive intellect. The three areas I chose specifically were listening to music, eating and jogging. All I can claim is that at that point I made a start on this challenging process. And I did find it very challenging. It was a powerful lesson to me to see just how easily my mind would take over again and again and that something as simple as focusing on a favourite song for all of three minutes or eating just one meal without accompanying mental chatter was so difficult. This in turn fed into my continuing resistance to the overall process. However I do think that this was a productive exercise for me to carry out, and that an important seed was planted - a deeper appreciation that focusing on this kind of moving meditation is an important way forward. This kind of process is such an important key to quieting the mind to facilitate more self awareness, by reducing the distraction of the all too obtrusive non-stop mental chatter.
There was a specific significant win for me shortly afterwards that indicated I was making at least some progress. I was driving in my car and had just came off a freeway around a long curving off ramp. Although I had been driving in the US for quite a while, I was not familiar with this particular exit off the Fresno freeway, and I mistakenly stopped at white line that was indicating a pedestrian crossing rather than a stop line. The next thing I heard was car brakes being slammed on behind me. The car did not hit me which was fortunate as irrespective of my error it was obviously going far too fast for that steeply curved exit ramp. At the next set of traffic lights the car drew up beside me and the woman driver started screaming and swearing and threatening me - it seems road rage had definitely arrived in Fresno. The significance of this interaction was that there was not one moment when I hooked into this woman’s emotion. I stayed calm and purposefully showed no reaction to what she was saying, knowing this would only inflame her further. I did not go into self recrimination. I did not move into outrage at her shouting at me. I did not buy into her definition of reality. My mind stayed peaceful and in that silence I just let her anger wash over me accepting that this was her reality but it did not have to be mine. This was a very significant personal experience of the power of a quiet mind.
So I leave you with this thought. A quiet mind helps you to avoid buying into other people’s realities: the truth of your reality is always to be found inside you.
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Art of Listening & Leadership - Bill Clinton Shows the Way
I attended a two days "Leaders in London" Conference end of last year. The speakers' line-up was impressive. Tuesday started with Mr Mikhail Gorbachiv (in person), Professor Marvin Zonis, Alan Leighton, Terence Conran, Lou Gerstner, Professor Clayton Christensen of Harvard and many others including the one and only Bill Clinton (live via Satellite).
On the Art Of Listening and Leadership - "Something I have been trying to learn for the last 25 years" I want to share with you the lesson and the leadership by example that Bill Clinton tough us all in the conference on the art of listening.
After he made his speech, he started taking questions. I asked one too, the President and the audience were visibly amused by my name especially after assuring them that "I am the nice one".
Among the attendees there was a lady who didn't speak good English and earlier in the day when she was given the microphone to ask a question, she went on and on for 5 minutes and no one understood what she was trying to ask or say and we all laughed. When it came to Clinton question time, she raised her hand again to ask a question, the moderator warned her to be quick and to the point. The lady took the Microphone and started to rumble on and on. Again it seemed that no one understood what she was saying, people started to laugh, boo, clap their hand for her to stop. After a few minutes of this saga the moderator cut her microphone off and gave the question time to someone else. People were cheering his decision to move on, after all no one wanted to be embarrassed in front off the great president.
While all this saga was taking place and all of us laughing and disapproving of this behaviour from the lady, only one person was NOT laughing, Bill Clinton. In fact he leaned forward to the camera and put his hand on his ears and focused intently and seriously. 30 minutes passed while he answered a few other questions from the audience and when the time came to close, he said very politely; Wait Rene, before you close... Earlier on a lady asked me a long question and I would like to talk about that for a minute.
The hall dropped into silence, he continued by saying, in fact the lady made a very important point, and he went on to summarize her point which was about families in the developing world (none of the audience knew that), and he asked to be allowed to answer this important question, which he himself put together from her scattered little stories before we the audience interrupted and stopped her.
Now I began to understand at the hands of the guru of leadership and listening in practice and what he was trying to teach by his actions. When we JUDGE any one or any thing, we stop listening. It seems that the act of judgment trigger some chemicals in our ears that physically stops us from listening. Pre-judgment seems to be the mother of all sins on this planet. There seems to be no other solution to world problems but the forgotten art of listening and stopping judgement. This is what I learned that day and I hope it stays with me forever.
This was also an impressive performance by a world leader who is not only very intelligent but also listens very seriously to what people are saying.
I will never forget this incident which taught me a lot about leadership and what listening is all about and here I am humbly sharing my experience with you hoping that it adds a little to our understanding of the Art of listening.
Author Bio
Osama El-kadi
Born 1955 in Manchester England Osama El-Kadi graduated in 1978 with a BSC in Economics followed by an MA in International Business from Alexandria University. The Art Of Negotiation.
Article Source: http://www.ArticleGeek.com - Free Website Content
On the Art Of Listening and Leadership - "Something I have been trying to learn for the last 25 years" I want to share with you the lesson and the leadership by example that Bill Clinton tough us all in the conference on the art of listening.
After he made his speech, he started taking questions. I asked one too, the President and the audience were visibly amused by my name especially after assuring them that "I am the nice one".
Among the attendees there was a lady who didn't speak good English and earlier in the day when she was given the microphone to ask a question, she went on and on for 5 minutes and no one understood what she was trying to ask or say and we all laughed. When it came to Clinton question time, she raised her hand again to ask a question, the moderator warned her to be quick and to the point. The lady took the Microphone and started to rumble on and on. Again it seemed that no one understood what she was saying, people started to laugh, boo, clap their hand for her to stop. After a few minutes of this saga the moderator cut her microphone off and gave the question time to someone else. People were cheering his decision to move on, after all no one wanted to be embarrassed in front off the great president.
While all this saga was taking place and all of us laughing and disapproving of this behaviour from the lady, only one person was NOT laughing, Bill Clinton. In fact he leaned forward to the camera and put his hand on his ears and focused intently and seriously. 30 minutes passed while he answered a few other questions from the audience and when the time came to close, he said very politely; Wait Rene, before you close... Earlier on a lady asked me a long question and I would like to talk about that for a minute.
The hall dropped into silence, he continued by saying, in fact the lady made a very important point, and he went on to summarize her point which was about families in the developing world (none of the audience knew that), and he asked to be allowed to answer this important question, which he himself put together from her scattered little stories before we the audience interrupted and stopped her.
Now I began to understand at the hands of the guru of leadership and listening in practice and what he was trying to teach by his actions. When we JUDGE any one or any thing, we stop listening. It seems that the act of judgment trigger some chemicals in our ears that physically stops us from listening. Pre-judgment seems to be the mother of all sins on this planet. There seems to be no other solution to world problems but the forgotten art of listening and stopping judgement. This is what I learned that day and I hope it stays with me forever.
This was also an impressive performance by a world leader who is not only very intelligent but also listens very seriously to what people are saying.
I will never forget this incident which taught me a lot about leadership and what listening is all about and here I am humbly sharing my experience with you hoping that it adds a little to our understanding of the Art of listening.
Author Bio
Osama El-kadi
Born 1955 in Manchester England Osama El-Kadi graduated in 1978 with a BSC in Economics followed by an MA in International Business from Alexandria University. The Art Of Negotiation.
Article Source: http://www.ArticleGeek.com - Free Website Content
Sunday, 21 October 2012
How to Gain Respect and Support for Yourself and Your Business
By: Olakunbi Korostensky
"He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce"
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
To gain respect from others, you have to respect yourself first. People will give you their undying respect as long as they recognise that you portray these 3 key attributes: trustworthiness, integrity and mindfulness. Because having these qualities demonstrates your level of consciousness and maturity.
When people respect you, it is easier to get their support. Getting people to give you continuous support, also requires you to apply yourself. Here are ways to help you make an impact on people whom you want respect and support from.
1. Be exuberant and passionate about what you do and your life.
People love those who exude vibrancy and passion about their life, particularly about what they do. Think of this: how stimulating do you find people who are forever talking about their "great ideas" and what they want to do and yet, never starting anything? Now that's a damper!
2. Be unique and individualistic in your views and opinions.
Are you unique and stand out with your own style and personality? If you are afraid to voice your opinion, and would rather fit in, I can assure you that it will be difficult to command respect from others. And without respect, no support. This doesn't mean that you have to constantly come up with new innovations. It simply implies that you don't suck up to people, just because you want validation. The best validation is to be true to yourself.
3. Be a great listener. All great listeners are magnetic and charismatic.
There is no charm that equals that of a good listener. Here is an experience I had in a restaurant with my husband not too long ago. I noticed that my husband was fascinated by a woman sitting a few tables way from us.
When I asked him what got him so fascinated about her. He replied that the woman was just fascinating to watch, because she was listening so intently to her partner. Her eyes were on him, as she leaned forward, giving him her feedback, and at the same time not interrupting him. While she let him know that she was hearing him, she also held up her end of the conversation.
Then my husband said something remarkable: "She's the kind of woman I normally wouldn't pay attention to on the street, but while sitting there, listening and being interested the way she's doing now, makes her attractive."
True listening embodies careful attention, patience and honestly wanting to understand what the other person is saying. It also fosters good relationship.
4. Be a life long student. Let people know that you're willing to learn from them and be genuine about it.
Learning is growing, and growing is learning. You cannot learn all by yourself. To truly grow, you need others along the way. And when you show people your willingness and enthusiasm to learn from them, you'll be amazed how helpful and happy they will be to support you.
Be open and get to know people who are different from you. If you're interested in something, never be afraid to ask questions. You won't be ridiculed for showing real interest.
Do you know people who have stopped learning? Do you find them interesting to have around? Probably not! So do yourself the favour of becoming an avid learner.
5. Be authentic and reliable.
Before you make a promise, make sure you can deliver. Keeping your word is very crucial to building trust and credibility. There's nothing more detrimental to your image, than having people believing in you and letting them down.
There are times you may genuinely try to fulfil your promise and it just doesn't work out. In that case, be honest about it and apologize. No one will hold that against you.
6. Be generous.
A generous heart gives freely without having any expectactions. Don't try to buy people's loyalty or support. It will backfire on you! You will reap more benefit and reward from giving truly from your heart, rather than being calculating. Even if you don't get something in return, the eternal laws of reciprocity will find a way to balance things out for you and give you your dues.
7. Be direct and have boundaries.
When you have something to say, just say it and let people know where you stand. Letting people know what you want and don't want, liberates you and those around you. Don't allow people to walk all over you. Let them know your boundaries.
For instance, to avoid lying about a proposition which may not interest you, an appropriate answer could be: "I'm sorry that doesn't work for me right now". This is a straightforward and truthful answer making it easy for you and for others to move on.
In conclusion, do you trust and respect yourself? If you don't, no one else will. This especially means be true to yourself and what you believe in. Just as Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves".
Author Bio
Kunbi Korostensky, N.D., Psychotherapist and Certified Life Coach is specialised in supporting people in transition, turn the changes in their lives into invigorating joy and happiness. View her ebooklet Top 10 holistic Questions to Embrace Change and Grow at: www.embracingchanges.com/Books-and-Tools-to-facilitate-Changes.html or email: kunbi@embracingchanges.com.
Article Source: http://www.ArticleGeek.com - Free Website Content
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)