Make People Feel Good

By Steve Pavlina

A simple way to enjoy a happier and more abundant social life is to put some effort into making people feel good.

Many people get so caught up thinking they have to rack up some accomplishments, get into better shape, become a person of high value, and more — just to give themselves permission to reach out and connect with others. None of that is necessary. That’s putting the focus on yourself, where you’ll only swirl around in endless circles of self-doubt. You’ll never feel prepared with that approach. You’ll never be done. You’ll just keep coming up with more reasons why you aren’t ready. Your goal will always be six more months away.

If a woman wants me to like her, all she needs to do is ask me, “What can I do to make you feel good right now?” I’ll tell her. Suppose I say, “Well, I’d love a good head-scratching.” And she says okay and starts giving me a head-scratching. Now I’m blissing out, and I have her to thank for it. She’s instantly promoted to my A-list.

Do I care if she does yoga for two hours a day to stay in shape? Does it matter how much traffic she gets to her website? Do I care what color her skin is? None of those things matter to me. If she makes me feel good when I’m with her, of course I’m going to like her.

Alternatively, she can try to impress me instead. She can talk about her education and career ambitions. She can talk about her previous boyfriends and how much they worshipped her. She can tell me about her decade of yoga practice.

And I may very well be impressed. I’ll think, Wow… this woman really has her life on track.

Then I’ll excuse myself and go sit with the woman who gives great head-scratchings… or the one who tells funny stories and makes me laugh… or the one who loves to cuddle.

Why do I love my girlfriend so much? It’s very simple. She makes me feel good.

She smiles at me. She gives me lots of affection. She travels with me. She plays with me. She cuddles with me. She makes me yummy vegan food.

She learned what makes me feel good, and she does those things regularly.

I also make her feel good. I know what she likes, and I do those things often.

Does It Feel Good to Stay?

Why ever leave a relationship? You and/or your partner stop making each other feel good. Either you stop learning what makes each other feel good, or you stop doing what you know.

How could you reignite a broken relationship? Ask your partner what you can do to make him/her feel good, and start doing those things every day. Tell your partner how to make you feel good, and ask him/her to start doing some of those things every day. If either of you doesn’t honor this commitment, let go and find someone else who will synergize with you.

You may encounter people who want you to do things that don’t feel good to you. There’s no need to make sacrifices. Find something you’re willing to give, and then look for people who will appreciate what you enjoy giving.

Some people love buying gifts for each other. Some love to verbally express encouragement and appreciation. Some love touch and affection.

Don’t force yourself to give in ways that don’t feel good to you. Instead, seek out people who enjoy and appreciate a style of giving and receiving that’s compatible with yours.

I love making people feel good through touch, affection, and sharing laughs. It also feels good to receive this. My favorite connections normally include lots of touch as well as plenty of laughter and joking around.

What Makes You Feel Good?

Do the people in your life know what makes you feel good? Have you made it obvious to them?

If you’re currently in a relationship, go to your partner and ask him/her: What do you think makes me feel good? See how accurate the answer is. If it’s not accurate, enlighten your partner. Then switch roles, and tell your partner what you believe makes him/her feel good.

Now review with your partner how often you actually do the things that make each other feel good. Have you been doing well or slacking off? Is someone not pulling their weight? Has some resentment been building? Are you out of alignment between what you’re each willing to give vs. what you each desire to receive?

Get the basics right. Make each other feel good. Do those simple actions every day, multiple times per day.

If you aren’t making your partner feel good, then you’re more likely to feel jealous and possessive since there’s a chance your partner will eventually meet someone else who does make him/her feel good. And where will that leave you? Why should someone remain loyal to a partner who doesn’t make them feel good?

But if you know how to make your partner feel good, and you do those things regularly, then what is there to worry about? You know that your partner has good reason to keep returning to you.

If you make people feel good when they’re with you, they’ll likely want to keep connecting with you. You don’t always have to make this investment though. You may frequently meet with people where such an investment doesn’t seem worthwhile. But when you see other signs of compatibility and you’d like to explore a deeper connection with someone, then making someone feel good is an easy way to open the door.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/

Be an opportunity maker

Open up your world by helping other people use their own talents and passions.

Happiness - 13 Steps To Maximum Happiness!

By Jackson Tan

1.Set a goal and achieve it! - By setting a desired end in mind, it allows one to be able to concentrate fully on achieving the goal. When one goes through the process of gaining his/her targets, the person becomes satisfied and happy. It is a great feeling.

2.Smile everyday. – Having a smile on the face and trying to be angry is difficult. By smiling, it influences our state of mind. It makes one feel good and others who seen the smile feel good as well.

3.Positive mindset and attitude – What we focus, expands. Same goes with our attitude and perception in things. Adopt a positive mindset and look at the ‘good’ things. With a positive attitude, makes the best out of everything, don’t focus on the can’ts, focus on the cans. You be happier that way.

4.Relax and enjoy life. – Life is hectic and fast paced in this modernize era. We need to learn and take time out to adore ourselves. Meanwhile, learn to enjoy life and have fun at the same time. Relax our mind give us a enjoyable feeling.

5.Do what you love. – We always have something that we love to do and whenever we are able to do it, we feel great. However, sometime, it is difficult to pursue the things that we enjoy, but we can learn to love the things we do and be happy.

6.Be your true self. – Stop putting a mask on your face when you walk out of the house, it’s tiring. Be true to your inner heart. Buy things that you really like but do not overspend. Learn to accept things as some are not within our control.

7.Be a student and learn new things – The world is our teacher and everyone around us will be giving us lessons in some ways or another. Have a learning heart and learn from failures/mistakes and your life will be better and happier.

8.Giving. – The ability to give is a great feeling. When we have the luxury of giving others who are less fortunate, we feel happy as we are helping them.

9.Healthy lifestyle. – Health is very important on our life. Having a healthy lifestyle is a perfect platform to build our happiness. Without health, is almost impossible to be really happy.

10.Wish the best for others and mean it. – Don’t be selfish and only care for yourself. Wishing the best for others and they will in turn wish the best for you. You feel better and happy for them too.

11.Self control. – Discipline is needed if you want to achieve something; it is the same case for having happiness. There are some must dos and some must not. We need to self control in order to complete the task.

12.Appreciate the world. – Thank God in whichever religion you are faithful in. Life is short and we must learn to appreciate the world. Blaming others do not make us happier.

13.Good friends and companion. – With good friends and a good relationship, you should be happy!



About the Author: Jackson Tan is an University student who wants to promote and spreads the word of HAPPINESS to the whole world. He believes that everyone can be Happy as long as they choose to. For more free information on Happiness, go to http://projecth.blogspot.com/

Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=159758&ca=Self+Help

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If I could turn back time

By James Kyle

Geoff reluctantly turned off the black and white TV. But then, before they went out, he had told his parents that he would definitely finish his homework if he could watch TV first. And as usual his father had promised him a sixpence if he got top marks in class. But even that motivation couldn’t compete with his wish that the Doctor Who episode that just finished could have went on for hours more. At least they repeated the first week’s episode or he would have missed it all together. Unless he could have built his own time machine of course! That would be so amazing. His homework was delayed that little bit more as he imagined opening the door of his own personal TARDIS to a stone age world full of cavemen and dinosaurs. He could even find himself a pet dinosaur. That would be so awesome - what would he call him?

He jumped with a start as his daydream was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a loud thud coming from the back yard, and he was instantly brought back to the present. It sounded like somebody had fallen. Maybe it was the one of the gang from the council estate. They were always jumping from the neighbourhood yard walls to the top of the midden sheds for a dare. They had taunted him on more than one occasion to do the same. He knew they thought he was chicken. But still, he reassured himself, at least he was a chicken who was alive with no broken bones. Maybe somebody else was not so lucky this time. Deciding he better check, just in case, Geoff stepped outside into the yard - quietly, in case the whole gang was out there. But there was no gang of kids in the yard this evening. Instead there was only a single figure illuminated by the light form the house windows, standing halfway across the wasteland that was their communal back yard, and he was dressed in a spacesuit!

Geoff stood there astonished. Was this a neighbour in a fancy dress costume? No wait, if so, what was he doing pulling in a parachute? Someone actually, really from space? He tried to think if he knew any Russian. But even if he could drag a hello in this foreign tongue from some abyss, his mind was frozen in time with the unbelievable sight in front of him. And then the figure turned and unhurriedly removed his helmet.

“Hello Geoff,” the visitor from space said.

The face kind of looked familiar, a bit like … a bit like his dad??? “Hello … how do you know my name … who are you?”

“Well, my name is Geoff and I have come to visit you …”

“from the future.”

The spaceman laughed. “Yes, that was quick, we are blessed with intelligence aren’t we.”

“But why ...”

“Why have I come back in time?”

“Yes, that too, but why a spacesuit?”

“And not a TARDIS? Like Doctor Who? Well the name gives you a clue.”

“The name?”

“TARDIS – Time and relative dimension in space. To get back to here, I have had to travel through time and space. As I said, we are smart, and I know you can follow this. If I was in a particular place on earth and I simply travelled through time then when I arrived at the earlier date …”

“the earth would not be there, because it travels around the sun.”

“Exactly. And not only that. Our sun revolves around the centre of the galaxy at 828,000 km per hour and our galaxy itself is moving at hundreds of thousands of miles per hour relative to other galaxies. So to jump back in time involves immensely complex calculations to also target the correct spatial coordinates. Even then it can only be an approximation. So the safest way of doing this is to aim to materialize somewhere inside the moon’s orbit – that is where the spacesuit comes in handy - and do a series of mini jumps from there … ”

“into the sky, and parachute from there to the ground.”

“yes, much safer to aim for a good distance above the ground as opposed to ending up under it. And now you know how, shall we talk about why?”

Geoff junior nodded.

“Good, because I have not much time here. After our little chat you are going to get very interested in quantum mechanics. So this might make more sense to you later, but essentially I am here and, at the same time, am also still bodily present in the future. Both of these states of me are in a quantum entanglement. This separation will only hold for a little while longer before I dematerialise from this space-time frame.”

“Just like Doctor Who.”

“Yes, but not quite so noisily, and luckily you will remember everything I say, unlike in the 50 year anniversary episode of Doctor Who I was just watching where they use an appallingly poor plot device to ensure the doctors don’t remember anything …”

“50 years of Doctor Who – wow. Great!”

 “Yes, you have all that to look forward to,” Geoff smiled, then looked at a timepiece strapped to the left wrist of his spacesuit, “but time is running out, and we need to get back to why I am here. Having explained to you the effort it required for me to be able to talk to you today …”

“Are you going to tell me how to make lots of money by investing in stuff?”

“Well I could do, but no need. We do fine financially. I am here to talk about something much more important.”

“Important enough to jump back through time.”

“Exactly. That important. When I was a lot older than you are now, I heard of something called the rocking chair test. To take this test, you imagine yourself as retired, sitting on your porch, thinking about your life – what you did you wish you hadn’t and what you didn’t do you wish you had. You then have the opportunity to decide to make the right choices at that point in your life and not regret poor choices for the rest of your life. Are you following me so far?”

“Yes.”

“Now, I recall how we felt when I was your age. How you are now. We are smart, but we are also very isolated. Our parents are not good socially and all that religious sexual guilt is overwhelming. I remember the pain, I remember how enticing the fantasy of books and TV was – a way of escaping from a lonely life, but an escape that helped maintain that isolation. So I am here to make sure you make the right choice now, for us, before it is too late. That is the gift I bring you. Something much more valuable than ways to improve your bank balance”

“But if I make a different choice does that not change what happens to you?”

“It already has.”

“So why come back?”

“Because your choices would not have changed us unless I made the choice to come back. Fiction makes time travel dilemmas far too complicated. Think of time and space, all the past and all the future as a vast interconnected web that is already laid out right now - unchangeable. But our choices are part of the creation of that intertangled web, and one part of that, is me coming back to talk to you today.”

“To save me from a life of loneliness …”

“Yes, and have a life full of loving relationships instead. That is why it was so important for me to come back to visit you – to share with you one simple rule that will transform your life.”

“Ok.”

“Whatever you want in life, give away,” the older Geoff paused, “Do you understand?”

“I think so.”

“You need more love and friendship in your life.”

“And so, if I want love in my life, give my love to others …”

“See, we are smart.”

Geoff gathered up the parachute canopy into his arms.

“And that will change my life?”

“It already has.”

There was no sound. One minute there were two figures in the backyard, one in a spacesuit. The next minute there was only one. The young boy stood motionless for a while longer. The bells on the clock tower in the old town began to sound. The youth club will just be opening he realised. The homework could wait until tomorrow.



Image courtesy of twobee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Poverty, money -- and love

Following on from this post: How to Buy Happiness, here is a practical application ...

What do you think of people in poverty? Maybe what Jessica Jackley once did: "they" need "our" help, in the form of a few coins in a jar. The co-founder of Kiva.org talks about how her attitude changed -- and how her work with microloans has brought new power to people who live on a few dollars a day. Jessica Jackley is the co-founder of Kiva.org, an online community that helps individuals loan small amounts of money, called microloans, to entrepreneurs throughout the world.

After watching this 18 minute video you can find out more here : www.kiva.org

How to buy happiness

In this 11 minute video, Michael Norton shares fascinating research on how money can, indeed buy happiness -- when you don't spend it on yourself. Listen for surprising data on the many ways pro-social spending can benefit you, your work, and (of course) other people.

Self insight

By James Kyle

Many years ago I attended a series of seminars in London that would eventually lead me to studying for a masters degree in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica in California. You can read more about this in this previous series of posts: What Did William Wallace Say?

Now, after many years absence, Insight seminars are returning to the UK. There will be an Insight seminar in the Primrose Hill area of London next weekend.

Some of the key shifts I have made, that have helped empower my own life, started off with "insights" from Insight. The following key concepts are a just a few of the topics covered:

• Letting go of judgement
• Responsibility and keeping agreements with self and others
• Giving and Receiving
• Being true to oneself

The above topics are those that resonated with me. In particular I have given much consideration to this concept of self. The degree to which we play set roles in our lives and how we often choose poor roles that are a disservice to ourselves and unnecessarily disempower us.

Building on this, a key learning for me that really took root as I subsequently read Hayakawa' s book "Language in Thought and Action" was realising that my inner map of reality is just that - a map -  and not the territory. And then a huge leap forward can be made when we start to realise that the very concept of who we hold ourselves to be is just another map of reality ... and this "self" too is a mental construct can readily be changed.

And with that realisation, the words of Marianne Williamson really come to life:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Of course what you would get out of this seminar will depend on where you are on your personal path of self growth, but I have confidence that wherever that is, you will find value in the seminar. Further details can be found here Insight London Seminar.

For those outside the UK have a look here instead.

If You Ran The World, What Would You Do?

"The single biggest pool of untapped natural resource in the world is human good intentions that never translate into action" Cindy Gallop talks about how www.ifwerantheworld.com is designed to help change the world one microaction at a time. Certainly worth 5 minutes of your time I would think.

Resolving Issues in Close Relationships

The most impressive book I have ever read on maintaining healthy and empowering personal relationships is "Conscious Loving" by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks.

The following highlights give a flavour of the book. However this is certainly one book where taking time to closely read the book from cover to cover is a worth while investment.


Five points characterizing a co-committed relationship:

I. The participants support each other to be whole, complete individuals.

II. The relationship is a catalyst for full self-expression.

III. The relationship is a catalyst for individual expression of creativity.

IV. The participants each take 100% responsibility for their own life and the consequences of their actions.

V. The participants avoid conflict by not taking on the role of victim.

Five suggestions to facilitate couples’ communication:

I. Use ownership language. (I statements prevents hiding the truth from oneself).

II. Tell the microscopic truth. (A unequivocal declaration of personal emotion, or feeling, or action that prevents the communication from becoming judgmental).

III. Communicate using statements not questions. (Questions can be used to manipulate and avoid responsibility, impairing intimacy).

IV. Empower rather than rescue. (Do not interpret another’s reality by putting words into their mouths. This is part of a larger pattern of trying to sort out someone else’s life which actually disempowers them).

V. Avoid redefining. (Deliberate manipulation of a conversation to score points rather than addressing the subject raised is an destructive way of avoiding real communication).


Six Co-Commitments:

I. I commit myself to being close, and I commit myself to clearing up anything in the way of my ability to do so.

II. I commit myself to my own complete development as an individual.

III. I commit to revealing myself fully in my relationships, not to concealing myself.

IV. I commit myself to the full empowerment of people around me.

V. I commit to acting from the awareness that I am 100 percent the source of my reality.

VI. I commit myself to having a good time in my close relationships.

8 Secrets of Success

An inspiring video from TED today that lives up to their mission of "ideas worth spreading." This video packs a lot into just 3 minutes.



 

The Gift of Giving

By James Kyle

A short post today as in fact quite a lot of what I would want to say was stated a couple of weeks ago in this post: Do You Realize That You're Living Someone Else's Dream?

A recent conversation with a friend reminded me that an obstacle to people being willing to give money to charity is a concern that the money will not go to the needy but to directors and advertising budgets instead. So I would simply like to draw your attention to this site: charitynavigator.org

I found for myself this charity to support: eastmeetswest.org ... who knows, perhaps browsing the Charity Navigator site might just be some of the most rewarding time you find yourself spending on the Internet.

Ten Powerful Keys to Healing Yourself

By: Wayne McDonald

1. Be Present
Live in the now. The past is gone. You can never go back and make it right. You can never re-live a life that was yesterday. Live positively in the present moment, no matter what is occurring. It is All right and perfect. Do not look ahead and dread what may come. Our mind creates a lot of chatter and makes us afraid in order to keep us safe. Tell your mind "Thanks for sharing" and affirm "I am here, I am present". You are always at choice and you know how to make this day beautiful.

2. Nature
Sit on the lawn or next to a tree. Feel the pulse of the earth, the grandeur of the sky, the coolness of the breeze on your face, or the warmth of the sun on your face. Smile at nature, say hello to the bugs and all the animals you meet. Take a walk in a park or hike on a trail.

3. Exercise
Daily exercise gives you a break from ! your mind chatter, helps pump your heart, circulates your blood, clears toxins from your body, charges you with energy and has many other benefits. Choose an activity that is fun and mix it up. Do walking one day and yoga another day. Take a Tai Chi class and meet new people. The list of possibilities is endless.

4. Spirituality
Recognize and know you are important and unique. Meditate, or sit quietly, and be in the moment. Read books that are uplifting and have positive messages. Give thanks for your health, your home, your friends, all the joy and happiness in your life and all the good that surrounds you.

5. Forgiveness
It is time to let it go. Forgive all parts of yourself to be whole and perfect. Forgive yourself for any past mistakes or shortcomings; forgive the child within for being afraid; forgive the teenager that spoke words of anger; forgive the young adult for not being a risk taker. Forgive others in the past. Forgive your parents, your siblings and relatives. Let go of all grudges. Forgiveness is about coming to peace within yourself.

6. Bubble Bath
Give yourself permission to relax and savor quiet times. Read a book for fun. Spend that extra money and get a massage or a facial. Do something selfish for yourself.

7. Nutrition
Listen to your body. Feed it good nutritious food. Take a high quality multi-vitamin or a liquid supplement. Most health challenges can be reduced or eliminated with a dietary supplement.

8. Let Go of Judgment
Give up judgement and give up blame. Never speak critically of others or yourself. Speak words of encouragement to yourself and everyone you meet. Accept everyone for who they are and embrace their differences.

9. Service To Others
Reach out and lend a hand to a friend in need. Offer unconditional service to others. Be a great listener and really listen to people when they speak. Find ways to help others to lift their spirits and help lessen their burdens.

10. Love
Love yourself and use positive words of encouragement. Compliment strangers and make others smile. Speak from a loving heart and shine with joy.


Author Bio

Wayne McDonald is a licensed Life Practitioner and a Public Speaker and the founder of www.HolisticWebDirectory.com - an on-line health directory of complimentary health care professionals. Signup today for your monthly Health Ezine at submit-ezine@aweber.com.


Article Source: http://www.ArticleGeek.com - Free Website Content

A Facilitator's Prayer

By: James Kyle

May I always be present and focused and connect at a heart centered level giving loving support to all who come to me for guidance, support and learning. May I always be aware of the need to consistently give appropriate acknowledgment and encouragement and thus create a safe space for students that will encourage confidence and willingness. May I have the insight to be fully aware that each person has their own learning path and have the wisdom to support each individual in reaching for understanding at their own pace, transcending my human impatience by moving into a state of loving acceptance. May I also be conscious of any interaction that acts as a trigger for my own unfinished business, and to use the opportunity to grow and connect rather than to blame and to distance.

Let all this be done in a spirit of joy and playfulness that brings all concerned into a oneness in the moment in the spiritual dance of giving and receiving, so that the teacher becomes the student, and the student becomes the teacher, and both profit from the shared wisdom of each other’s unique gifts.