Thursday, 5 September 2013

Resolving Issues in Close Relationships


The most impressive book I have ever read on maintaining healthy and empowering personal relationships is "Conscious Loving" by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks.

The following highlights give a flavour of the book. However this is certainly one book where taking time to closely read the book from cover to cover is a worth while investment.


Five points characterizing a co-committed relationship:

I. The participants support each other to be whole, complete individuals.

II. The relationship is a catalyst for full self-expression.

III. The relationship is a catalyst for individual expression of creativity.

IV. The participants each take 100% responsibility for their own life and the consequences of their actions.

V. The participants avoid conflict by not taking on the role of victim.


Five suggestions to facilitate couples’ communication:

I. Use ownership language. (I statements prevents hiding the truth from oneself).

II. Tell the microscopic truth. (A unequivocal declaration of personal emotion, or feeling, or action that prevents the communication from becoming judgmental).

III. Communicate using statements not questions. (Questions can be used to manipulate and avoid responsibility, impairing intimacy).

IV. Empower rather than rescue. (Do not interpret another’s reality by putting words into their mouths. This is part of a larger pattern of trying to sort out someone else’s life which actually disempowers them).

V. Avoid redefining. (Deliberate manipulation of a conversation to score points rather than addressing the subject raised is an destructive way of avoiding real communication).


Six Co-Commitments:

I. I commit myself to being close, and I commit myself to clearing up anything in the way of my ability to do so.

II. I commit myself to my own complete development as an individual.

III. I commit to revealing myself fully in my relationships, not to concealing myself.

IV. I commit myself to the full empowerment of people around me.

V. I commit to acting from the awareness that I am 100 percent the source of my reality.

VI. I commit myself to having a good time in my close relationships.