How To Set Healthy Boundaries That Contribute To A Healthy, Happy Lifestyle

By Debs de Vries

Have you ever wondered why you work hard in some areas of your life but just don't seem to move forward the way you think you should? Does it sometimes feel to you that your energy is going out - but nothing is coming back. It might very well be that you need to assess your personal boundaries in these areas. It's often necessary to negotiate some difficulties when this happens and this article helps you to face the issues and work through them, step-by- step. The liberation and sense of self-worth you can achieve by doing this is well worth the effort.

Firstly, it's very likely that you may well not always recognise the difference between appropriate and non-appropriate behaviour from others. You may get respect in some areas and not in other areas. you may be willing to tolerate rudeness, pain, abuse of your rights and bad behaviour because that's been the norm for you. It may take a while for you to sift through to your true feelings to start to create a picture of what is good for YOU. You may need time to recognise when something hurts you - or damages your self-esteem: your finances: your family: or your physical self, and that's absolutely fine. The main thing to do, is to start the process and treat it as an on-going effort.

But where do you start? I suggest that you highlight just one area in your life in which you are currently unhappy, angry, exhausted or sad and don't over face yourself by tackling the biggest one to start with unless you are ready for a big change . You need to honestly examine the following factors: -

What is it EXACTLY about the situation that you don't like? (e.g. the way you feel: the consequences of it: the effects on others.)

What is making you feel angry, sad, threatened, suffocated or victimized?

What is it that you get from acting the way you do now? (e.g. avoiding confrontation: maintaining peace: feeling safe: etc.)

What could you say or do differently to change the situation without losing your self-esteem? (e.g. speak up for yourself: respond differently: say "no": say "yes", ask for help)

How could you speak up for yourself in a way that feels safe and respectful.

How could you act in a way that supports you and your needs?

What would you do if you were not scared or tired, and how would you do it in such a way that you do not harm yourself or anyone else (and by harm I do not mean you cannot be angry: By this I mean you need to recognise natural feelings of resentment or spite and avoid using them to manipulate, hurt or deceive in order to set your new boundary).

I suggest you do this at a time when you are not 'triggered' by the situation. Choose a time when you feel calm and have some space to think things through. Writing down your answers, just jotting a few key words even can be very revealing and helpful.

It's also a great idea to find people and groups who you perceive as having the kind of attitudes and behaviours that you would like to have, and to ask for support and ideas. I have found that by sharing some of my "stories" with others I learn a lot. Healthy networks and friends can teach and support you in so many ways, if you are willing to share your issues.



About The Author
Debs de Vries is the U.K.'s leading provider of relaxation and guided imagery downloadable recordings and CDs. Her work in the field of wellness and wellbeing includes coaching, and a membership site to show people how to create wellbeing and wellness in their daily lives, with minimal fuss and maximum benefit. Go to:http://wellbeingsecrets.co.uk now to sign up for free newsletters AND http;//thewellnessaudioshop.co.uk for samples of recordings.

The author invites you to visit: http://thewellnessaudioshop.co.uk



Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_8789.shtml

Self Image: Why Do Some People Take Things Personally?

by Oliver J R Cooper 
 
There are people who take just about everything personally and this doesn't have to be the words that other people say. It could relate to how another person looks at them and what one experiences in the world around them.

This can also relate to specific situations where one is being given feedback from another; how they are performing at work or the views from their family and friends for example.

Two Sides
So whether one is with someone they know and who appreciates them or if they are around someone they don't know and are unsure of what their views are: the consequences are often the same. What is said is taken to heart and ones wellbeing is constantly being affected by the outside world. One may feel that they have no control over this whole process.

Victimised
It would be easy to assume that such a person is a victim and that the people of the world have got it in for them. No matter where they go or who they are with - there appears to be a hidden agenda. However, amongst this will be times when other people will say that it was heard wrongly or that another person didn't mean it. And what pushes the buttons and causes an emotional and behavioural reaction in one person, may have very little affect on another person.

Random Events
For people who take things personally there are likely to be certain words, vocal tones, looks and behaviours that create a reaction. On the surface these reactions may appear to be random and to come out of nowhere.

Interpretation
The difference between people who take things personally and people who don't is what's going on in their ego mind. How something is being interpreted is what often makes the difference. The meaning that anything has is largely subjective and these are based on the associations that the ego mind has formed. And these associations will be triggered automatically and often out of one's awareness.

Catalyst
So what this means is that the experience that one has when another person says something or does something is the result of what already exists within. And these external triggers are acting as a catalyst. But, as this whole experience happens so quickly and naturally it can seem as though it is coming from the outside and that one is just a bystander.

It's Normal
And if this is an experience that one has got used to or has not known another way, it will seem as though it is normal and how life is. The pattern needs to be broken in some way. One has to become aware of another way of being and that there is a choice.

Vulnerable
As one is already carrying these associations in their mind, it means that they are already vulnerable and sensitive to what others say or don't say. The world is then validating what they believe at an unconscious level. This vulnerability and sensitivity was probably created in ones childhood.

Childhood
As a child one doesn't have boundaries and unless one is encouraged by their caregivers to separate they may never develop them at all. And this means that one cannot tell the difference between who they are and who another person is. So if one was brought up around caregivers that were abusive or critical for example; one would have no choice but to take this personally. This would have then caused ones ego mind to identify with the views of their caregivers and to take them personally.

Boundaries
And through being mentally and emotionally connected and having no boundaries, one would have felt wide open to whatever their caregivers said or did. One would not have been able to differentiate from what they were experiencing. Unless this has been looked at and one takes the steps to create boundaries, the same scenarios will be played out again. Because the words and actions of another person don't have to have the same affect on an adult as they do to a child. However if one regresses to that stage as an adult it won't matter if one is physically an adult; as one will revert to a different emotional age.

Associations
And all of the associations that were created during those years will be fired off once more. So even though the emotions, thoughts and feelings that are being triggered by a present situation can be way out of proportion; based on the ego minds associations they are appropriate.

Awareness
With awareness these patterns can be brought to ones attention. And from here the right assistance can be looked for. For some people this could be severe and for others it may be a minor challenge. And this will define whether a book is sufficient or if some kind of therapist or coach is needed. This can lead to boundaries being formed, as a result of letting go off the past.

Self Acceptance
While some people will respond in a way that one would like, others won't. And this is why self acceptance is important. Other people will always have their views and opinions. And these are just that - their views and opinions, they are not the truth. And so one doesn't have to allow what is not empowering or beneficial to their wellbeing to enter their mind. Ones inner world is a sacred space and needs to be protected. If anything is allowed to enter it will affect all that is good and nourishing. If disempowering thoughts already exist within it will be a lot easier for the dysfunctional ideas of the world to enter unnoticed. As the inner becomes clearer and better kept; what is not beneficial will stand out more.

Behaviour
The way one person responds to another person is largely based on their behaviour. And as human beings we are not our behaviour. Our behaviour is just an expression of where we are at in each moment of our lives. This means that, ultimately, nothing is ever personal. Our behaviour can always be changed. If our behaviour is not leading to what we want, then it can always be changed.



My name is Oliver J R Cooper and I have been interested in self awareness for over eight years. For just under two years, I have been expressing my understandings with these transformational writings. One of my intentions is to be a catalyst to others, as other people have been and continue to be to me.
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How To Improve Self Esteem - Seven Steps To Be More Confident About Yourself

Author: Kara Heissman
In the simplest sense, self esteem is how we feel about who we are. Self esteem is not something that we inherit from our mom and dad or something that we have the moment we are conceived. We all want to live a happy and successful life; but this is easier said than done, especially for people who are afflicted with low self esteem. Good thing there are things we can do to improve our self esteem. However, you can't just improve your self esteem right away, it is a long and often challenging process that needs commitment. Here are seven steps on how to improve self esteem:

Step 1

Have a realistic appraisal of life's problems. You have to have a realistic evaluation of your problems so you can find the correct solutions for them. For example, common sources of stress like traffic and long lines in the cafe are not really problems unless you perceive them as such. You need to accept the fact that life is and will never be perfect--it will always come with hassles, dilemmas and challenges. If you are able to see things in a realistic perspective, you will be able to face problems and challenges more effectively.


Step 2

Don't compare yourself with others. Inasmuch as you are more talented or gifted than others, there are also others who have more than what you have. You will find yourself feeling short very often if you keep on playing the comparison game.


Step 3

Stop being your own worst critic. You cannot develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities. Rather, fill your head with positive statements and affirmations. Whenever you say positive affirmations, you allow yourself to experience positive and motivating feelings. Whether speaking about your appearance, your career, your relationships, your financial situation, or any other aspects of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. You should be your biggest fan!


Step 4

Point out the things that make you feel bad about yourself. Take heed of what your triggers are and try to avoid them or better yet, learn ways to better cope with them. For example, if it is the way you look that is causing you to feel bad about yourself, take measures to improve it--go to the gym and dress well.

Step 5

Associate with positive, encouraging people. If you form friendships with people who are pessimistic and controlling, you are likely going to feel bad about yourself most of the time. On the other hand, your self esteem is sure to improve if you are constantly in the company of people who encourage you all the time and accept you for who you are.


Step 6

Take action! You will not get anywhere if you just keep on thinking about your self esteem issues. When you act--whatever the ensuing result, you will feel better about yourself. If you let your fears keep you from achieving what you want, you will end up feeling disappointed with yourself.


Step 7

Be forgiving when all your plans do not succeed. Each of us falls short sometimes, but rather than focusing on the negative aspects, learn to readjust your goals so that you have a better chance of meeting them. Just look at each failure as a stepping stone towards reaching your goal.


Not a lot of people are aware of how much impact low self esteem can have on a person's life. The good thing is, our self esteem is not carved in stone--we can change and improve the way we feel about ourselves if we want to. I hope these simple tips on how to improve self esteem has helped you in some way.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/how-to-improve-self-esteem-seven-steps-to-be-more-confident-about-yourself-6252431.html
About the Author
I am Kara Heissman, owner of self-improvement blog Contented Life.org. I have seen over the years how the quality of people's lives are reduced by their inability to find solutions for certain difficulties in their lives. With the great want to help, I have decided to put up a blog where I could share my experiences, knowledge and insights and help everyone live the life that they deserve--happy, healthy and fulfilled. My writings mainly revolve around stress, self esteem and health and fitness.