7 Effective Strategies for Conquering Negative People

By Lori Radun, CEC

Have you ever been around a chronically negative person? How does he or she affect your mood in that moment? More than likely you will feel drained of energy or you'll find yourself carrying around your own negative energy. Negative people make us feel angry and challenge our ability to stay positive. Whether your child or spouse has an occasional negative day or you deal with a family member, friend or co-worker that is chronically negative, there are things you can do to remain positive in the face of negativity.

Opposition is Rarely the Answer

The worst thing you can do is argue with a negative person. This only adds fuel to the fire. A negative person will use the opportunity to argue to reinforce his mood or attitude. I have noticed when my children are in an irritable mood, it is best to avoid trying to convince them to have a positive attitude. As soon as I take the approach of being in opposition with them, they pounce on the opportunity to prove me wrong. Their negativity escalates and the situation gets worse before it gets better. Know when to remain silent and let the negativity pass.

Smother Negative People with Love

Strange as it may seem, a negative person often needs love and attention. Unfortunately, it is not easy to love a negative person. It is our challenge to rise above the off-putting behavior and love the hurt and scared person that is deep inside. By truly listening to what she is trying to tell you, you are showing love. Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying something like, "It sounds like your daughter really makes you angry". Even if you don't quite understand the person's feelings, know that your reality is rarely the same as someone else's. Ask if there is any way you can help. This shows you care about her well being. Offer a hug even if you get rejected. Remember not to take a rejection of your love personally. A negative person often has difficulty receiving love from others.

There is Always Something Good

There is always something good to be found in any negative situation. Search for anything positive that you can draw attention to. Even a negative person has positive character traits. When a person is drowning in negativity, it can be difficult to see the light. Whenever my clients begin highlighting their shortcomings, I always remind them of all the positive things they are forgetting. I admit that sometimes a negative person doesn't want to see the positive. This might require her to shift her perspective. Negativity can become a person's best friend and no one wants to willingly give up their best friend. Be patient and gently remind your ill-tempered friend or family member to be grateful for all her blessings. Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin to reflect on what you have said.

Turn Generalizations Into Specifics

If you pay close attention, you'll notice negative people often speak in generalizations. You may hear them say things like: "Lawyers are shady." "It's stupid to be an entrepreneur." "My kids are driving me crazy." These kinds of statements are referred to as cognitive distortions. To help a person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for more specifics. Questions like "Which lawyers are shady?" or "What specifically are your kids doing that is making you feel crazy?" forces a person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A negative person will either get to the bottom of the issue or drop the subject because they are being challenged to elaborate.

Practice Detached Involvement

Sometimes the best thing you can do is emotionally detach from trying to change the negative person. No one likes it when someone is trying to change them, and their tendency will be to fight harder to remain negative. You can even try a little reverse psychology and agree with everything she says. I once read a great article about a mother who was exasperated with her son's negative mood. Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired. She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he said. When her son told her his teacher hated him, she agreed with him. When he complained that playing with his friends was boring, she couldn't agree more. After several minutes of this conversation with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was sleepy and he went to bed happy.

Remove Negative People or Seek Professional Help

Chronically negative people can critically affect your physical and emotional well being. Sometimes you have no other choice but to avoid these people or completely remove them from your life. It is possible to find a new job if your boss or other co-workers are negative. You can replace a friendship that is bringing you down. Other people, such as children and spouses, may require professional intervention if their negativity is affecting your life. By setting very strong boundaries with chronically negative people, you protect yourself and send a message to them that you care enough about yourself to avoid negativity.

Maintain Your Own Positive Attitude

If you do nothing else but focus on managing your own negative thoughts and behavior, you will come a long way towards remaining positive. A negative attitude is like a bad virus, but a positive attitude is contagious as well. Surround yourself with positive people that encourage you to be your best self. Use positive affirmations to conquer your own negative self-talk. Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of all your blessings. Take the time everyday to stop and smell the roses, watch children laugh and play, and listen to the birds chirp in the morning. Read inspirational material and listen to joyful music. Connect with your spiritual self. Do whatever you have to do to remain positive and joyful despite the negativity you face. The world will be a better place because of you and your attitude. And you never know, you just might help a negative person make the transition to a better way of living.

About The Author


Lori Radun, CEC � certified life coach for moms. To receive her FREE mini eCourse on eliminating guilt, her FREE newsletter for moms, and the special report �155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children�, go to http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com.

Article Source: http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_4889.shtml

Surfing the Psychological Waves

By James Kyle

"The work we do on ourselves, whether it's psychological, or spiritual, is not meant to get rid of the waves in the ocean of life, but for us to learn how to surf". Ken Wilber


That is one of my favourite quotes because it is a reminder not to be attached to the idea of a sudden spiritual breakthrough when following a path of self growth. Someone who thought along the latter lines would soon be abandoning their efforts. Instead we should expect to see gradual improvement and indeed it is this gradual improvement, this empirical feedback that tells us we are going along the right path.

I can personally see this happening in my business life. In the past when I had a disagreement with someone I would go into an angry, judgmental state. Judgmental of the other person for crossing me, and angry with myself for not standing up for myself, and for getting caught up in the emotion of the disagreement. Over the years I have taught myself some tools, some different ways of thinking that avoids these emotional waves.

In the first instance, I have learned to be very aware that another's point of view can be very different from my own. This is the foundation for Steven Covey's HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD from "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", a highly recommended book: Link to book on Amazon.

This awareness feeds into another essential tool, that of monitoring myself and ensuring that I do not go into judgement. The propensity to jump into judgement can be so compelling but I remind myself that a negotiation of a compromise over different views is inevitably going to be derailed by the participants going into emotional upset. And yet again, if the other person goes into upset in any event, then another well learnt lesson is that this is not my responsibility, and I recall to myself rules 1, 3, 5 6, 10 and 12 from here

And yes this is theory, but yes, from the psychological and spiritual work I have done on myself I have put the above into practise very recently in two very stressful business situations. The gradual improvement does pay off.

To reinforce how challenging this appreciation of just how different a person's point of view can be, I can share an incident from a holiday I had in Barcelona. I was with my partner of the time and we were looking for somewhere to eat. As we walked down a side street off Las Ramblas I spotted a tapas bar and was delighted to see it wasn't a air brushed tourist place but looked like a genuine local bar where we could anticipate some authentic local tapas style food. As soon as we walked in however my partner turned round and walked out evidently very angry with me. Now she was definitely a person who was not very good at communicating her point of view, a trait that would eventually contribute to us going our separate ways, but finally, several hours later I worked it out. I saw a genuine local tapas bar, while she was comparing it with the more "sophisticated" bars from the main tourist area and found it wanting. Who was right? Well, take that for homework.

I started this article with a quote from Ken Wilber, a philosopher, proponent of transpersonal psychology, and founder of the Integral Institute. If you would like to get a flavour of this thought provoking author, an interview with him can be found here: You are the river: An interview with Ken Wilber. Alternatively, here is a link to a book on his work at Amazon:

10 Steps To Spiritual Happiness

Author: Dan Farish
"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
- Aristotle
We hear a lot about spiritual healing, spiritual awakenings, and a new shift in spiritual consciousness that many people believe is taking place as we speak. If you've heard that a person appeared to be in "good spirits", it's a sure sign the person was a happy camper at the time.
The bottom line is that any steps we take to increase our spiritual awareness is designed to make us happier people. But you don't have to schedule a one-on-one appointment with God to learn how to live more happily, although we could all benefit immensely from such an encounter.
There are 10 Steps To Happiness that you can apply starting today. Some will take a little practice at first, but each one is simple to apply and can change your entire view of life in no time at all.

1. Beware The Energy Vampire. We all know the type. Intentionally or otherwise, some people have a real knack for sucking the life out of others. Their main theme is complaining about everything, closely followed by criticism and gossip about others. If you pay attention, you can actually feel your joy and spirit dropping like a one-winged cargo plane. Eliminate negative people from your life whenever possible, and apply the other steps listed here when you must deal with them.
2. Identify What Makes You Unhappy. Sometimes the best way to identify what something is first involves identifying what it is not. The same principle applies with happiness. Sit down and write a list of things that you'd simply rather not do anymore, given the choice. Then realize you have a choice whether, or not, to continue doing anymore. Hate long supermarket lines? Find a 24-hour supermarket and shop when most people are asleep. You'll meet a few like-minded people there and might even make a new friend. Does the evening television news make you frown? Stop watching it. Yes, it's that simple.
3. The Gratitude Attitude. We've all been guilty of this one. How many times have we viewed the cup as half empty instead of half full? We should be grateful just to have a cup. If you have a roof over your head, food on the table, and two legs to walk around with, be very grateful. Some people have none of the above. If you're blessed with family or friends to call your own, let them know you are grateful to have them in your life. They'll be happier people because you shared a kind word and will do their best to make you happy, too.
4. Acceptance. A simple definition of acceptance – it is what it is and that's okay. Life throws a lot of curve balls our way. How we deal with challenges determines our happiness or lack of it. Imagine an ant demanding that an elephant does things his way. That's what we do when we demand things go our way. Happy people know there will be both good and bad times in life and learn to accept both.
5. Exercise. Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found that people suffering from depression who walked on a treadmill for 30 minutes reported feeling more vigorous and had a greater sense of psychological well-being than those that don't exercise. Want to feel even happier? Join a volleyball team, a local walking group, or a family football game in the back yard. You can't help but feel happy when combining physical activity and social gatherings at the same time.
6. Avoid Judgment. If you want to be happy, learn to stop judging others. Learn is the keyword here, because it's something we're all guilty of to some degree. Think about how you feel after you've silently cursed the slow driver in front of you. Probably not too good. Which of us is perfect, after all? Have you ever walked out of a restaurant with spinach stuck to your tooth or suddenly realized you're not wearing matching socks? If someone judged us for every mistake we've ever made, we wouldn't feel to good about ourselves. On a spiritual level, every judgment we've ever made has become negative energy sent out to the universe. Happy people look for the positives in people and things.
7. Accept Personal Responsibility. We not only have a right to live happily, we have an obligation to do so – if not for our own sake, then for the sake of others. Our thoughts and actions affect not only us, but also leave an impression on our children, co-workers, friends, neighbors and everyone we meet in the course of our lives. Project negativity, we breed more of the same. The opposite holds true, as well. Happy people don't blame others for their problems. The future of this world belongs to you as much as it belongs to anyone else. Take responsibility for making the world a happier place for everyone you meet. Remember, even one grain of sand is part of a huge beach.
8. Simplify Your Life. "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know." – Ernest Hemingway. Some people could complicate the recipe for ice cubes. The more we over think things, the larger they become, and the more frustrated we become. Turning a molehill into a mountain is a great way to ruin your day. Some of the happiest people in the world also own the fewest possessions, work simple jobs, and find great pleasure in the simple things in life. A stroll in the park, a picnic at the beach, or listening to music are all simple pleasures that make us feel happy. 3 Steps To Recovery is an excellent book that describes the author's amazing spiritual experience and teaches 3 simple steps anyone can follow to do the same. If you're feeling stressed before you even leave for work in the morning, slow down and simplify your life.
9. Do Something Nice Every Day. When we do show kindness to others, we feel great about ourselves. You don't need to join a monastery or become the next Mother Teresa to help people. Hold a door for the next elderly person you see, stop and let another driver pull out of a busy parking lot, or simply share a smile and a kind word with your local convenience store cashier. It becomes a win-win situation for everyone involved. You've made someone else happy, you feel happy, and your kindness has begun a ripple effect for everyone they meet, as well. Again, one grain of sand is still part of a huge beach.
10. Live In The Present Moment. This is my personal favorite step to happiness. One of my favorite quotes comes from a famous Chinese philosopher named Lao Tzu. He said if you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present. Inner peace, of course, is the true definition of happiness. An amazing thing happens when you focus only on the present moment. Step away from yesterday and tomorrow, or even five minutes ago, and look around you. Here you are, one small, but important part of everything in existence. Pick up a fountain pen and realize that the inventor created this simple tool out of love for his fellow man. Observe a flower closely for the first time in a very long time. Understand that you and the flower were created by the same source, which is divine love, and marvel at the magnificence of the flower soft petals, knowing that although not one human on earth could create a flower from scratch, yet billions of flowers appear as if by magic. Stop and listen to your own breath. Know that all is well with you at this very moment and you will understand the true essence of spiritual and personal happiness.

All happiness stems from a flow of love both to you and from you. All emotional pain stems from a blockage of love both to you and from you. Loin our mailing list at http://3stepstospiritualhealing.blogspot.com/ and get free info, tips and articles to show you how to re-connect with your happiness.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/10-steps-to-spiritual-happiness-6297867.html
About the Author
Dan Farish was born and raised in a working class Boston suburb, along with two sisters. His first book, 3 Steps To Recovery, won a 2012 Reviewer's Choice Award. He was as surprised as anyone. Why? It's because he doesn't view himself as some hoity-toity, snooty, pretentious author. Dan's writing style reflects his working-class Boston roots -informal, down-to-earth, and brutally honest. These traits come in handy when writing about airy-fairy topics like spirituality and the afterlife. Dan's latest book, called Lighten Up, is sure to turn a few heads. Click here to see why.. http://lightenupbookpage.blogspot.com/