Sunday 31 May 2015
The Way To Achieve Happiness
By Rosamunde Bott
What is the underlying reason for anything that you have ever set yourself to achieve? When you break it all down, it will usually be to make you happy. We want money in order to buy things and feel secure, and this makes us feel happy. We want a good relationship to feel loved and therefore happy. The very act of achieving something makes us feel happy because we have proved to ourselves that we are capable human beings, and that makes us happy! Does this mean that achieving goals is the only way to achieve happiness?
Well, in the short term, perhaps. But true, lasting happiness has nothing to do with the achievement of goals. When we set goals we are looking towards the future, and haven't we always been told that tomorrow never comes?
Don't get me wrong. I do not mean that we will never achieve our dreams, or that we should not strive to achieve our dreams. However, we are making a big mistake by attaching our only source of happiness onto the achievement of our goals.
Let me ask you a question: In which moment do you actually live? Is it in the past? Or is it in the future?
Of course it is neither. The past does not exist because it has gone. The future does not exist because it has not happened yet.
The only time we ever have is in this moment right now; the moment that you are sitting reading this article. In a few minutes it will probably be something else, but right now is the only time you can ever experience anything.
If we only ever see our happiness as something to look back on in the past, or something to look forward to in the future, we will find it difficult to grasp in the present. Remember, the past has gone, and the future is not here yet.
In this moment, right now, you can feel happy and satisfied. Try it. It is an incredibly powerful moment because it is the only moment you can ever live in.
So unless you choose to feel happiness in the present moment, how will you achieve it in the future? If you are always looking to the future, or remembering the past, how can you ever experience your life right now?
Yes, you may feel happy when you achieve your goals, but if your happiness is only attached to these transient moments, it will be fleeting and disappear once you start working on your next goal.
If you are feeling sad or depressed, you are probably living in the past. If you are feeling worried or anxious, you are probably living in a perceived future; one which may never arrive anyway.
When you forget the past and live right here in the present, you will find that the future will take care of itself.
This moment is the only time you will ever have so use it wisely. Use this moment to start something, finish something, love something or say something. It's the only moment you have to live, so start living now.
The happiness you choose right now is everlasting because you can choose it from moment to moment. It does not rely on anything except the fact that you choose it. The past is gone. The future is an empty page. To achieve happiness create your life right now in the present moment.
About The Author
Ros is a life coach, writer, genealogist and home business owner.
Would you like to boost your career or business with some coaching? Visit Ros's website at http://www.career-life-coach.com
Saturday 23 May 2015
Fear Success? Top 5 Indicators
By Valery Satterwhite
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." Marianne Williamson
It's strange to think that fear of succeeding could be such a big issue and do much damage. I've found it to be a common underlying source of paralysis and a unyielding block for many of the creative people I mentor each day. What's even stranger is that the people who suffer most profoundly from a fear of success are usually not even aware they have it.
Here are the Top 5 behaviors that indicate a fear of success:
1. I have trouble saying no to people.
2. Before I start to work on a project, I suddenly find a lot of other things to take care of first.
3. When I see someone succeed, I feel like I've lost out on something by comparison.
4. I adopt positive creative habits, get going on my work, and then suddenly revert back to my old habits.
5. I usually compromise in situations to avoid conflict.
Fear of success is the work of the Inner Critic. People fear success because they place such a heavy weight upon it. Self-esteem and self-worth is tightly wrapped around whether on not one is successful. All they identify with at the moment is a perceptively unsuccessful person. The person who fear success fears losing their identity. She may not like how she feels about herself but that's all she knows; its her comfort zone. To move out of that zone is too scary.
"Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the 'someday I'll' philosophy." Dennis Waitley
Success comes with a lot of responsibility. What will happen if you become successful and then fail, once again? Now you can fail privately. A public failure would be too humiliating, too painful. This scenario is a fear of an event projected by your inner being out into the future. Using the "avoidance of pain" as a motivator is like driving with the brakes on. On the surface, it looks like you're trying to achieve your goals but, underneath, you are holding yourself back with all your might.
Some people even have deep rooted irrational beliefs around their ideas of wealth. Again, these beliefs are the work of the Inner Critic. For example, one may believe that rich people are selfish and only look out for themselves. Essentially, they're jerks. The person who fears success, and the wealth it would bring, may not want to become a jerk! So, he holds himself back so he can stay the kind compassionate person he is now. Truth is, wealth does not change people. If you're kind and compassionate now, you'll be kind and compassionate as a wealthy person.
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." Mark Twain
The only thing standing between you and your success is - You! Look within. Identify the beliefs that serve as the foundation of your fear. Look for evidence of the opposite. Notice successful people who are kind and compassionate. Remind yourself that you are a responsible person. As a responsible person you are responsible for your success as well as your paralysis. Since you are already responsible, you will be able to handle the joyful responsibility of your success.
Copyright (c) 2009 Valery Satterwhite
About The Author
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mentor who specializes in empowering creative people to create more profoundly, more prolifically, and more profitably. Empower yourself to trust your intuition, acknowledge your truth, and disarm your fear and self-doubt. Valery developed a proven unique "Inner Wizard" methodology to empower other creative people to actualize their full potential. Join now athttp://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Inner Wizard tips" too!
It's strange to think that fear of succeeding could be such a big issue and do much damage. I've found it to be a common underlying source of paralysis and a unyielding block for many of the creative people I mentor each day. What's even stranger is that the people who suffer most profoundly from a fear of success are usually not even aware they have it.
Here are the Top 5 behaviors that indicate a fear of success:
1. I have trouble saying no to people.
2. Before I start to work on a project, I suddenly find a lot of other things to take care of first.
3. When I see someone succeed, I feel like I've lost out on something by comparison.
4. I adopt positive creative habits, get going on my work, and then suddenly revert back to my old habits.
5. I usually compromise in situations to avoid conflict.
Fear of success is the work of the Inner Critic. People fear success because they place such a heavy weight upon it. Self-esteem and self-worth is tightly wrapped around whether on not one is successful. All they identify with at the moment is a perceptively unsuccessful person. The person who fear success fears losing their identity. She may not like how she feels about herself but that's all she knows; its her comfort zone. To move out of that zone is too scary.
"Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the 'someday I'll' philosophy." Dennis Waitley
Success comes with a lot of responsibility. What will happen if you become successful and then fail, once again? Now you can fail privately. A public failure would be too humiliating, too painful. This scenario is a fear of an event projected by your inner being out into the future. Using the "avoidance of pain" as a motivator is like driving with the brakes on. On the surface, it looks like you're trying to achieve your goals but, underneath, you are holding yourself back with all your might.
Some people even have deep rooted irrational beliefs around their ideas of wealth. Again, these beliefs are the work of the Inner Critic. For example, one may believe that rich people are selfish and only look out for themselves. Essentially, they're jerks. The person who fears success, and the wealth it would bring, may not want to become a jerk! So, he holds himself back so he can stay the kind compassionate person he is now. Truth is, wealth does not change people. If you're kind and compassionate now, you'll be kind and compassionate as a wealthy person.
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." Mark Twain
The only thing standing between you and your success is - You! Look within. Identify the beliefs that serve as the foundation of your fear. Look for evidence of the opposite. Notice successful people who are kind and compassionate. Remind yourself that you are a responsible person. As a responsible person you are responsible for your success as well as your paralysis. Since you are already responsible, you will be able to handle the joyful responsibility of your success.
Copyright (c) 2009 Valery Satterwhite
About The Author
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mentor who specializes in empowering creative people to create more profoundly, more prolifically, and more profitably. Empower yourself to trust your intuition, acknowledge your truth, and disarm your fear and self-doubt. Valery developed a proven unique "Inner Wizard" methodology to empower other creative people to actualize their full potential. Join now athttp://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Inner Wizard tips" too!
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_6618.shtml
Saturday 16 May 2015
How Well Do You Listen?
By Neil Graber
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. It means being attentive to the other person and doing more than just creating the impression the conversation is important to you. You need to show the other person that you value what they are saying by giving them your full attention. Your ability to listen will have an impact on your effectiveness at work and home as well as your success in relationships with others.
One would think we are better listeners than what we really are considering the importance of hearing what others say. Some studies identify we hear somewhere between 20 to 50% of what another is sharing with us. Most of us would not want our relationships or our success determined with those odds.
By becoming a better listener, we will understand others better, have more facts upon which decisions can be based, will avoid some conflicts as we hear all the facts presented, and will better relate to what the other individual is feeling. I'm sure you have heard the term 'active listener' before, but let's take a few moments to review what that really means.
Pay attention to the other individual - focus on the speaker and ignore the distractions around you. Don't attempt to guess where the person is going with the conversation or how you will respond. Watch the speaker's body language as well as listening to their words.
Demonstrate you are listening - with your own body language and gestures show the other individual you are completely focusing on their words. At appropriate times, provide small verbal comments so they know you are listening..
Give feedback to the speaker - to ensure you are understanding the message they are sharing, repeat certain information back to the speaker or ask clarifying questions.
Don't interrupt - allow the speakers to keep their train of thought and finish their message.
Respond once they have finished talking - at the end of the message, the speaker is most likely looking for your response. When providing your comments, be open and candid, but also be respectful and caring in your words.
When listening over the telephone or the computer, you may also wish to jot down notes to later reference when providing feedback or asking questions. As you do not have the ability to see the person speaking in this case, listen more carefully to the words and how they are conveyed.
As in the case of listening over the phone, to truly hear what people are saying, you need to also listen to what they are not saying. Listen carefully to detect feelings or unsaid words in the conversation, or if certain words are given extra emphasis and others less emphasis. Each may impact the overall message more than just the words that are actually said.
Being a good listener will require concentration and perhaps breaking some of the listening habits we possess today. For the most part, focus on the other individual and what they are saying, wait for them to finish, and think before you begin to rattle off a response. Effective listening skills are critical to your success in creating and keeping relationships. Now perhaps we will understand why we have two ears and only one mouth.
About The Author
Neil Graber, Life Style Mentor and Successful Entrepreneur, is helping many become the next success story. Whether you're looking to create an extra few thousand dollars per month, be an ex-corporate executive, or the next millionaire Mom, Neil can assist you to create a second stream of income and greater peace of mind. visit : Success http://netweb-ads.com/neilandsue
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_6671.shtml
Saturday 9 May 2015
Listening As Though The Other Person Might Be Right
Listening as though the other person might be right is a skill we can learn that enriches our quality of life.
What is right or wrong, good or bad, is so often a local, current opinion that is nothing more than an aspect of normal behaviour at a particular time in a particular place. In other words, morality ethics, customs, laws and even the courtesy of good manners are things that vary geographically and from age to age. It is worth having this in mind when listening to the views of another person and think whether their values reflect their age and environment as much as your own opinions reflect yours. Factors such as income levels, racial origin, birthplace and time of life are primary in the formation of belief and customs. You deserve and win respect if you show respect to another person whose words and actions speak of these differences.
The span and depth of our personal experiences in life are measured subjectively -one man's ceiling is another woman's floor - and yet, most of us want to reach further, whatever that means to us. Of course this requires us to adopt new perspectives, to try out new things, and such things very often come to us first as rather strange, often challenging viewpoints. The first flinch against something new is the automatic reflex of self-protection, and this needs to be carefully overcome if we are to expand our horizons in a healthy way. Being open-minded shows itself in our willingness to take on new ideas, learn skills, to meet new people and avoid dogma and prejudice.
When someone is talking to you and you are inwardly resistant and tend to disagree, then on some level they can feel that. It will probably diminish their ability to express their thoughts clearly and confidently and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. However, if your listening attention is warm and supportive, then rapport is established and a sense of harmony can pervade the atmosphere between you. Their message then will reflect the goodwill you radiate, and it will be more positive and more likely to please you.
This is no small thing. If we want to make the world a better place, then we will all need to learn how to think and speak much more positively, and therefore learn to listen to others in such a way that their thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. A tricky task! Simply disagreeing and correcting a person's negative expression is quite likely to reinforce it. Of course realization needs to occur, (and you may feel constrained and obliged to facilitate this awakening!) yet it has to be gently managed.
There is quite obviously a process taking place between speaker and listener that can be co-creating. As we have said, the listener's quality of attention has an effect upon the message in form as well as essence. It goes without saying that the speaker's words will touch the listener. Both are involved, each influencing the other and significantly each influencing the message itself. Let's think about this: it runs against the idea that an individual has totally responsibility (or indeed can take total credit) for what they say.
Perhaps a degree more humility is appropriate when we talk, so that we are ready to acknowledge the importance of a good listener sharing in the process of voicing the wisdom gems we deliver (and yet think of as our own!) Also when listening we could take a little more responsibility for what is said to us, and perhaps more importantly, how it is said - with respect, with anger, with contempt - because "it takes two to tango".
There is of course another good reason to listen carefully, respectfully, warmly and open-mindedly to another person - there's a good chance that they might actually have something of value for us to hear.
These ideas follow the 7 Words model that all things are basically expressions of the seven fundamentals: No, Hello, Thanks, Bye, Please, Sorry, Yes. See if you can recognise them in the 7 stages above.
About The Author
Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 8 Words website (http://www.7words.co.uk/life-management/meanings_7words), interactive fun with the 'satisfaction index calculator' athttp://www.7wordsassociates.org/psychology_spotlight.php.php and free seminars are offered for participants at the UK alternative family holiday experience of Unicorn Camps (http://www.unicorncamps.com/alternative_events/unicorncamps_in_7_words.php)
Visit the author's web site at: http://www.7wordsassociates.org
Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_6756.shtml
What is right or wrong, good or bad, is so often a local, current opinion that is nothing more than an aspect of normal behaviour at a particular time in a particular place. In other words, morality ethics, customs, laws and even the courtesy of good manners are things that vary geographically and from age to age. It is worth having this in mind when listening to the views of another person and think whether their values reflect their age and environment as much as your own opinions reflect yours. Factors such as income levels, racial origin, birthplace and time of life are primary in the formation of belief and customs. You deserve and win respect if you show respect to another person whose words and actions speak of these differences.
The span and depth of our personal experiences in life are measured subjectively -one man's ceiling is another woman's floor - and yet, most of us want to reach further, whatever that means to us. Of course this requires us to adopt new perspectives, to try out new things, and such things very often come to us first as rather strange, often challenging viewpoints. The first flinch against something new is the automatic reflex of self-protection, and this needs to be carefully overcome if we are to expand our horizons in a healthy way. Being open-minded shows itself in our willingness to take on new ideas, learn skills, to meet new people and avoid dogma and prejudice.
When someone is talking to you and you are inwardly resistant and tend to disagree, then on some level they can feel that. It will probably diminish their ability to express their thoughts clearly and confidently and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. However, if your listening attention is warm and supportive, then rapport is established and a sense of harmony can pervade the atmosphere between you. Their message then will reflect the goodwill you radiate, and it will be more positive and more likely to please you.
This is no small thing. If we want to make the world a better place, then we will all need to learn how to think and speak much more positively, and therefore learn to listen to others in such a way that their thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. A tricky task! Simply disagreeing and correcting a person's negative expression is quite likely to reinforce it. Of course realization needs to occur, (and you may feel constrained and obliged to facilitate this awakening!) yet it has to be gently managed.
There is quite obviously a process taking place between speaker and listener that can be co-creating. As we have said, the listener's quality of attention has an effect upon the message in form as well as essence. It goes without saying that the speaker's words will touch the listener. Both are involved, each influencing the other and significantly each influencing the message itself. Let's think about this: it runs against the idea that an individual has totally responsibility (or indeed can take total credit) for what they say.
Perhaps a degree more humility is appropriate when we talk, so that we are ready to acknowledge the importance of a good listener sharing in the process of voicing the wisdom gems we deliver (and yet think of as our own!) Also when listening we could take a little more responsibility for what is said to us, and perhaps more importantly, how it is said - with respect, with anger, with contempt - because "it takes two to tango".
There is of course another good reason to listen carefully, respectfully, warmly and open-mindedly to another person - there's a good chance that they might actually have something of value for us to hear.
These ideas follow the 7 Words model that all things are basically expressions of the seven fundamentals: No, Hello, Thanks, Bye, Please, Sorry, Yes. See if you can recognise them in the 7 stages above.
About The Author
Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 8 Words website (http://www.7words.co.uk/life-management/meanings_7words), interactive fun with the 'satisfaction index calculator' athttp://www.7wordsassociates.org/psychology_spotlight.php.php and free seminars are offered for participants at the UK alternative family holiday experience of Unicorn Camps (http://www.unicorncamps.com/alternative_events/unicorncamps_in_7_words.php)
Visit the author's web site at: http://www.7wordsassociates.org
Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/self_improvement_and_motivation/article_6756.shtml
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