Conducting a Scientific Experiment on Yourself

Author: Scott Greenberg

I am probably the farthest thing from a scientist and definitely have tremendous respect for those who can work that side of the brain, particularly since as a motivational speaker I don't. What I admire about scientists and many left brainers for that matter is how they draw conclusions. They don't work much with feelings like us right brainers do, they work more with facts.

Recently, I spoke to a group of students at a large university about the danger of negative self-talk. (If you've ever seen me speak, you've probably heard all about the "mental heckler.") So many of these college students doubt their ability to compete at this high level institution. They fear the intense workload and sometimes question their social skills. Regardless of the fact that most of these students have already achieved academic success, many of them still feel very insecure. 

Scientists form hypotheses and don't draw conclusions based on their feelings. They use a proven systematic approach of gathering facts to obtain the truth. The first step is to conduct the experiment and then analyze the data. Once the data has been thoroughly analyzed, a conclusion is drawn. In other words, instead of accepting their premonitions as absolute truth, they take action with an outcome in mind, and wait to see what happens.

I think that's a great way for us to measure ourselves. We need to approach life like it's a scientific experiment. We do so by putting ourselves out there, pursue goals with everything we've got in us, and then see what happens next.  By doing this we'll be able to see the real truth in our ability. 

Do you think you're not good enough? Do you think possibly you'll get rejected? Or for that matter just fail all together? Prove it. Conduct your own scientific experiment. Take action and get the facts.

My hypothesis: You're much better than you think. Start today pursuing your goals without any fear of the outcome and without any negative self-talk to steer you in the wrong direction.  By conducting a scientific experiment on yourself based on facts and not personal feelings or hang-ups, you can better assess who you are and where you need to be based on your ability level.  Don't be your own worst enemy or your own worst critic, be forgiving of yourself and confident in your abilities and watch what happens next.    

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/goal-setting-articles/conducting-a-scientific-experiment-on-yourself-6250895.html

About the Author

Motivational speaker Scott Greenberg is a motivational business speaker on the topics of resilience, leadership and peak performance. He is also an award winning customer service expert and author of three books on leadership.

A Personal Fairy Tale

By: James Kyle

Once upon a time in a country far far away, there was once a new born baby tree. The infant tree cherished the newness and richness of life. A life full of first time experiences. He delighted in the refreshing sensation of sap rising through his veins, the rustling tingle of a breeze in his branches, and, most of all, the crackling of his leaves as they reached up to catch the nurturing sun. Every morning he thanked the sun for his nurturing love. The tree, caressed by the sunbeams, lived each moment of the day in a spirit of joy. At night, when he went to sleep, he knew his dependable friend would show up the next morning ready to share his infinite gift of light once more. Many days and nights passed. The tree continued to be very very happy. 

One morning, however, the tree woke up in the middle of a dream. He had been dreaming that his friend, the sun, had abandoned him. The tree, shivering at the thought, looked up to greet his friend in the sky. His friend had risen before him as always. But today, he seemed more distant, less available somehow.

More days and nights passed. With each passing day the tree began to fear more and more that the warming comforting rays of the sun could no longer be relied upon. The tree began to feel colder and colder. The tree realized that his terrible dream was coming true. The sun had decided to abandon him.

As the cold season took its grip, he resigned himself to the fact that the once nurturing sun had turned his back on him. His feelings of abandonment turned to despair as his leaves, his beautiful leaves, lost their vibrant color, and, one by one, began to fall off. Time passed. All his leaves were gone. Winter had arrived.

The tree passed the winter mourning his loss.

Eventually the cold season came to an end, and, at last, the sun once more dominated the sky. However it was now a different sun. A sun that could not be trusted. Even when the sun began to shine brightly, the tree knew that betrayal was to be expected. It came as no surprise when, several months later, the sun turned his back on him once more. The tree began to feel very very sorry for himself.

The seasons passed. The tree grew taller. For the first time he noticed, in the valley below, a forest of trees. He looked around the small hill he stood on and suddenly realized how isolated he was. The trees in the valley seemed so alive, their branches swaying in harmony in the breeze. On the ground, squirrels and chipmunks were playing games of endless tag. In the air, birds were singing, and flying back and forward, building nests in their favorite trees. The tree looked at the rocks who were his only companions and sighed. The rocks, who rarely spoke, made no comment. The tree felt very lonely and depressed. He fell ill.

Time passed. The tree felt more and more abandoned. Birds and animals who might have been attracted to the growing tree avoided him all together because he was no fun to be with. All around the tree was a depressing silence.

Never ending silence had replaced never ending joy. How could this have happened? How can I be happy once more? What can I do to end this isolation? The tree lost in his own self pity paid no attention to the world around him. So it was with a start that he realized that someone was standing in front of him. He had not noticed anyone approaching. The wizard, for that’s who he was, began to talk gently to the tree. But the tree, used to his isolation, cowered inside himself not listening at all. The wizard, with compassion and understanding, completed what he had to say, smiled, and moved on.

More seasons came and went. The wizard visited once more. This time the tree was so desperately lonely that he was determined to listen to the wise man. He did so, but could not understand the meaning of his words. The wizard finished with a smile, and some final words of encouragement, and went on his way. The tree was confused and forlorn. He pleaded to the rocks, “Rocks, rocks, what am I to do?” The rocks said nothing at first but then in a quiet deep voice one spoke out, “The wizard is offering you his love. Do not concern yourself with the words, just accept the love and let it grow inside you.” And then there was silence again on the hillside.

But something had changed.

When the wizard came again the tree remembered the rock’s advice and, looking at the wizard, was surprised to see how easy it was to see the love. One only had to look. The wizard stopped talking, but the conversation continued. The tree grew strong inside. Night came and the tree fell asleep.

The next morning the wizard had left. But then again, he hadn’t really gone. The tree realized that a part of the wizard was still alive, inside him. And so it came to pass that the tree stopped looking for others to nurture him.

As each day passed the tree became healthier and healthier. Small buds started forming on his branches which became beautiful fruit that was the tree’s gift to his new friends. Because of course, as the tree once more connected with the joy of life, different animals came to the hill to play, and many birds came to build nests in his branches.

The tree sat on his hill contentedly. He watched the squirrels play games in his shade. He listened to the birds sing beautiful songs. He felt joy as he shared his fruit with his new companions. As he sat in the sun nurturing his new found friends, he looked down at the trees in the valley below and, suddenly, he understood. He realized that, of course, he was part of the forest. But he had been given an extra gift, an extra blessing: he had been given a bit more space to expand and grow.

And it should come as no surprise to you that the wizard, on another journey far far away, chose that moment to stop and smile, before continuing on his way. 

How To Improve Self Esteem - Seven Steps To Be More Confident About Yourself

Author: Kara Heissman
In the simplest sense, self esteem is how we feel about who we are. Self esteem is not something that we inherit from our mom and dad or something that we have the moment we are conceived. We all want to live a happy and successful life; but this is easier said than done, especially for people who are afflicted with low self esteem. Good thing there are things we can do to improve our self esteem. However, you can't just improve your self esteem right away, it is a long and often challenging process that needs commitment. Here are seven steps on how to improve self esteem:

Step 1

Have a realistic appraisal of life's problems. You have to have a realistic evaluation of your problems so you can find the correct solutions for them. For example, common sources of stress like traffic and long lines in the cafe are not really problems unless you perceive them as such. You need to accept the fact that life is and will never be perfect--it will always come with hassles, dilemmas and challenges. If you are able to see things in a realistic perspective, you will be able to face problems and challenges more effectively.


Step 2

Don't compare yourself with others. Inasmuch as you are more talented or gifted than others, there are also others who have more than what you have. You will find yourself feeling short very often if you keep on playing the comparison game.


Step 3

Stop being your own worst critic. You cannot develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities. Rather, fill your head with positive statements and affirmations. Whenever you say positive affirmations, you allow yourself to experience positive and motivating feelings. Whether speaking about your appearance, your career, your relationships, your financial situation, or any other aspects of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. You should be your biggest fan!


Step 4

Point out the things that make you feel bad about yourself. Take heed of what your triggers are and try to avoid them or better yet, learn ways to better cope with them. For example, if it is the way you look that is causing you to feel bad about yourself, take measures to improve it--go to the gym and dress well.

Step 5

Associate with positive, encouraging people. If you form friendships with people who are pessimistic and controlling, you are likely going to feel bad about yourself most of the time. On the other hand, your self esteem is sure to improve if you are constantly in the company of people who encourage you all the time and accept you for who you are.


Step 6

Take action! You will not get anywhere if you just keep on thinking about your self esteem issues. When you act--whatever the ensuing result, you will feel better about yourself. If you let your fears keep you from achieving what you want, you will end up feeling disappointed with yourself.


Step 7

Be forgiving when all your plans do not succeed. Each of us falls short sometimes, but rather than focusing on the negative aspects, learn to readjust your goals so that you have a better chance of meeting them. Just look at each failure as a stepping stone towards reaching your goal.


Not a lot of people are aware of how much impact low self esteem can have on a person's life. The good thing is, our self esteem is not carved in stone--we can change and improve the way we feel about ourselves if we want to. I hope these simple tips on how to improve self esteem has helped you in some way.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/how-to-improve-self-esteem-seven-steps-to-be-more-confident-about-yourself-6252431.html
About the Author
I am Kara Heissman, owner of self-improvement blog Contented Life.org. I have seen over the years how the quality of people's lives are reduced by their inability to find solutions for certain difficulties in their lives. With the great want to help, I have decided to put up a blog where I could share my experiences, knowledge and insights and help everyone live the life that they deserve--happy, healthy and fulfilled. My writings mainly revolve around stress, self esteem and health and fitness.

How to Gain Respect and Support for Yourself and Your Business

By: Olakunbi Korostensky

"He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce"
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

To gain respect from others, you have to respect yourself first. People will give you their undying respect as long as they recognise that you portray these 3 key attributes: trustworthiness, integrity and mindfulness. Because having these qualities demonstrates your level of consciousness and maturity.

When people respect you, it is easier to get their support. Getting people to give you continuous support, also requires you to apply yourself. Here are ways to help you make an impact on people whom you want respect and support from.

1. Be exuberant and passionate about what you do and your life.
People love those who exude vibrancy and passion about their life, particularly about what they do. Think of this: how stimulating do you find people who are forever talking about their "great ideas" and what they want to do and yet, never starting anything? Now that's a damper!

2. Be unique and individualistic in your views and opinions.
Are you unique and stand out with your own style and personality? If you are afraid to voice your opinion, and would rather fit in, I can assure you that it will be difficult to command respect from others. And without respect, no support. This doesn't mean that you have to constantly come up with new innovations. It simply implies that you don't suck up to people, just because you want validation. The best validation is to be true to yourself.

3. Be a great listener. All great listeners are magnetic and charismatic.
There is no charm that equals that of a good listener. Here is an experience I had in a restaurant with my husband not too long ago. I noticed that my husband was fascinated by a woman sitting a few tables way from us.

When I asked him what got him so fascinated about her. He replied that the woman was just fascinating to watch, because she was listening so intently to her partner. Her eyes were on him, as she leaned forward, giving him her feedback, and at the same time not interrupting him. While she let him know that she was hearing him, she also held up her end of the conversation.

Then my husband said something remarkable: "She's the kind of woman I normally wouldn't pay attention to on the street, but while sitting there, listening and being interested the way she's doing now, makes her attractive."

True listening embodies careful attention, patience and honestly wanting to understand what the other person is saying. It also fosters good relationship.

4. Be a life long student. Let people know that you're willing to learn from them and be genuine about it.
Learning is growing, and growing is learning. You cannot learn all by yourself. To truly grow, you need others along the way. And when you show people your willingness and enthusiasm to learn from them, you'll be amazed how helpful and happy they will be to support you.

Be open and get to know people who are different from you. If you're interested in something, never be afraid to ask questions. You won't be ridiculed for showing real interest.

Do you know people who have stopped learning? Do you find them interesting to have around? Probably not! So do yourself the favour of becoming an avid learner.

5. Be authentic and reliable.
Before you make a promise, make sure you can deliver. Keeping your word is very crucial to building trust and credibility. There's nothing more detrimental to your image, than having people believing in you and letting them down.

There are times you may genuinely try to fulfil your promise and it just doesn't work out. In that case, be honest about it and apologize. No one will hold that against you.

6. Be generous.
A generous heart gives freely without having any expectactions. Don't try to buy people's loyalty or support. It will backfire on you! You will reap more benefit and reward from giving truly from your heart, rather than being calculating. Even if you don't get something in return, the eternal laws of reciprocity will find a way to balance things out for you and give you your dues.

7. Be direct and have boundaries.
When you have something to say, just say it and let people know where you stand. Letting people know what you want and don't want, liberates you and those around you. Don't allow people to walk all over you. Let them know your boundaries.

For instance, to avoid lying about a proposition which may not interest you, an appropriate answer could be: "I'm sorry that doesn't work for me right now". This is a straightforward and truthful answer making it easy for you and for others to move on.

In conclusion, do you trust and respect yourself? If you don't, no one else will. This especially means be true to yourself and what you believe in. Just as Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves".

Author Bio
Kunbi Korostensky, N.D., Psychotherapist and Certified Life Coach is specialised in supporting people in transition, turn the changes in their lives into invigorating joy and happiness. View her ebooklet Top 10 holistic Questions to Embrace Change and Grow at: www.embracingchanges.com/Books-and-Tools-to-facilitate-Changes.html or email: kunbi@embracingchanges.com.

Article Source: http://www.ArticleGeek.com - Free Website Content

Wrong doing

By: James Kyle

Today I want to consider something that is very wrong indeed ... and that is, our unquestioned everyday belief systems that frame our experience of life … in terms of right and wrong. In fact my suggestion to you is that your life would be substantially and immediately improved if you banish the words right and wrong from your vocabulary, and replace them instead with effective and ineffective. So I can now rephrase my proposition in this form: it is not effective to see life through a filter of right and wrong. Why? Because right and wrong implies judgment, and when we enter into judgment in any form we are disempowering ourselves. 

In the context of our shared objective of increasing personal power, what I want to share with you today is this: judgment is psychologically damaging to the person who is judging -  on many different levels.

Let us start with a very simple and everyday experience. You are driving along cheerfully in your car and all at once another car cuts you up. What is the usual scenario here? Thoughts of how dare he comes to the fore, quickly followed by thoughts of revenge and retribution. Yes, your cheerfulness quickly dissolves  into upset and anger. Why? Because you move into judgment. He did something wrong. Meanwhile this other driver is speeding away contentedly looking forward to a pleasant evening out on the town. My question to you is - who is the judgment harming?  Hint: who is the one with the higher blood pressure? (Oh and in this case I think I can be excused for the use of the term "he").

Or again, you phone up your bank to find out about some unexpected charges on your account statement. After 5 menu selections and ten minutes of insipid music you get through to the customer service person who assures you that the charges are valid. You disagree. She is insistent. You raise your voice slightly to make your point. So does she. Quickly this escalates. One minute later the discussion is a full blown argument. You can now say goodbye to any chance of your point of view getting a dispassionate hearing. You might as well pay those charges my friend. Why? Because you slipped into judgment without even realizing it.

A final example; think of people you were once friendly with and now you have fallen out. I suggest one of two things happened here. You moved into judgment about them or, they moved into judgment about you. Here is a simple rule for you: judgment always creates distance between people. And when you distance yourself from people in your life you are the one that loses out. As someone once said -  judgment is like picking up a burning coal to throw at somebody else.

But how can we move out of judgment? One key I believe is to realize that every choice has a price and a prize. You go to work: you get paid, but you commit to being in an office 8 hours a day. You eat chocolate: it tastes good, but you put on weight. You go to the gym: you get fitter, but you miss out on seeing “Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” Every choice that you make has a price and a prize. And every choice that someone else makes has a price and a prize. Usually of course it is prices and prizes. And here is the point: you really do not know what another person’s prices and prizes are for any given action - unless you ask. Snap judgments make no sense whatsoever when you begin to appreciate this. So, effective behavior is to remain neutral and get more information about the causes of the person’s behavior - find out the prices and prizes that led to their response. Next you “evaluate” this information. And evaluation is different from judgment in that you stay in this neutral mode - you choose to not allow emotions to distort your view of the situation. At this point you may indeed decide that the other person’s behavior is unacceptable. You can then consciously choose to deal with this - perhaps by simply presenting your own point of view, perhaps in some cases by disengaging from this person. And if the latter, I think you can appreciate that this would have a completely different energy from ending a relationship in anger and judgment. And the good news is that so very often the reverse happens - when you more fully understand someone else, you, in fact, begin to feel closer to them.  The truth is your way of interacting with life changes dramatically as you move out of judgment and instead adopt an ongoing position of acceptance and compassion.

What about moral judgments? What about murderers and other deviants? Surely I can judge them? Sure, if you want to pay the price of that judgment. A better choice is to ensure that they pay the price for their actions by putting them in prison thus guaranteeing that society is protected from their unacceptable behavior. Once more, no additional judgment is necessary or desirable. The essence of the problem is this. If through judgment you reject someone else, you reject part of who you are, you reject part of your own shadow side, and anything less than full acceptance of all of who you are is psychologically damaging to yourself.

On this note I leave with you some homework if you choose to accept. Given the fact that judgment of others can be so incredibly damaging, what do you think is the consequence of self-judgment? … This is why I think it is crucially important to acknowledge that there are truly no such things as mistakes - only opportunities for learning. At every moment realize - in that moment, you are being the best you possible.

What Makes Emotional Healing So Hard?

By: Mark Myhre

When I was 5 years old our family moved to Starkville, Mississippi. My dad had secured a position as a research scientist at Miss. State Univ. that was simply too good to pass up. Starkville was a small town like many other small towns across America. Life was slow and safe and predictable. All in all, not such a bad place to live. For the next 12 years I was a Starkvillian. Like so many other young boys I spent most of my free time exploring the world from the comfort of a bicycle seat. Life was full of adventures. Looking back now, it resembled a series of Norman Rockwell paintings. But it wasn't always so idealistic. In fact, for over 20 years after leaving that small town I hated everything to do with Starkville. I called it a nightmare existence in a God-forsaken town. So why do you suppose I hated it?
I Focused On The Negative Like children everywhere, my wonder years consisted of good events, bad events, and many mediocre and neutral events. Good times that made me feel good. Bad times that made me feel bad. And many events stirred little emotional reaction at all. However, my problem was that I discounted the good events, while elevating the bad ones. The painful events on my past became like anchors - the pillars of the past. The defining moments of my life. Certain events would happen, and rather than simply feeling the pain and moving on, I would suppress and repress those painful emotions. Paradoxically, while I denied the feelings, I elevated the events. I would take a painful situation and make it much worse than it really was. I Embellished My Past
How do you embellish a painful past? Intentionally exaggerate its stature and importance. Like a playwright constructing a play, I would add drama for the effect it created. I would set the stage. Get the lighting just right. Play suspenseful music in the background. Create a prologue - "The story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent..." Like one of those old Dragnet TV shows! I built it up any way I could. I made it sacred. And no matter what, I could *NOT* feel the feelings of those past events and let them go! I needed those unresolved emotions to breathe life into an otherwise-dead past. I spent way too much of my time giving CPR to a corpse of the past. Ever given CPR? It'll wear you out! It's hard to do it for very long; it's just too much work. Imagine doing it for decades. I defined my life by those highly selective events of the past that were being kept alive ONLY by my emotional energy. I Was Giving My Power To The Past
Thoughts and feelings are the very source of your power. Your power - your ability and willingness to act - comes about because of the constant stream of your thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings are constantly and consistently springing forth into your consciousness. A stream of thoughts. A stream of feelings. Together they are the source of your power. If you're using those thoughts and feelings to hold onto the past, then you'll have less power available to you now. Power that could be used to heal your emotions instead becomes diverted into holding the past in place. I Built My Past Into A Frankenstein's Monster
Out of that handful of painful events I created a backbone. From the backbone I grew a skeleton. Surrounding the skeleton I grew muscles and skin and internal organs. I gave it a heart. I gave it a voice. All that growth required conscious effort on my part. I had to keep reminding myself of those painful events. "I really was wronged." "I really was shamed." "I really was abused." Building them up and fleshing them out took a lot of my power. But it was worth it. I got to feel like a victim. I got to hide in my self pity. I was entitled. Hey, I EARNED the right to engage in any errant behavior I chose! I earned the right to blame, to struggle, to manipulate and punish anybody I wanted. I earned my righteous arrogance because of my embellished pain of the past. I was powerless as a result, but that's okay. I earned the right to be weak by all the effort I was expending to try to keep the past alive. ***
I took the best of me and gave it to a past that didn't even exist.
*** It takes constant effort to keep the past alive. You can't just set it and forget it - like a thermostat on the wall. You have to keep remembering it. You have to keep using today's power to reinforce the imprisonment of yesterday's power. We Invest In The Past
The past is over, yet so often our power remains trapped in the emotional investment we've made in certain painful events of that dead past. The past is over. But the very power we need to break free of those memories is instead being diverted into a much more sinister goal. We invest a lot of time and energy creating a Frankenstein's monster of the past, and it's become too big to handle. The power you need to heal the past is instead being used to try to keep it alive. It becomes a tangled mess. You can't heal the past until you get more power. You can't get more power until you heal the past. So what's the answer? First you heal a little bit, and you retrieve a little power. Then, in your empowered state you heal a little more and get back a little more power. It happens layer by layer. And it all begins with a willingness to change. Author Bio
Mark Ivar Myhre, The Emotional Healing Wizard, author of the highly acclaimed - Emotional Healing Quick Start Guide - what to do right now to feel better. Go to www.join-the-fun.com Article Source: http://www.ArticleGeek.com - Free Website Content

Wellness For Life Beware of Emotional Dependency

Author: marlkonim
Love can be defined as a vague feeling where the significance of giving is more important than receiving for bringing about wellness for life. Undoubtedly, no feeling in this world is as exciting and stimulating as the feeling and emotion of being in love. Many of us have entered into this beautiful and lovely relation in our lives. We love our soul mates to extreme levels, but we still face problems in our relationship. Do you know the cause of these problems? Have you thought of them? Let us find out the answers to these questions.

The divine and delightful feeling of \'Love\' can only be felt when the relation is based on true love. This feeling is not there if the relation is based on physical attraction or dependence whether it is physical or emotional. The love, which is based on physical desires and sexual attraction, can easily be distinguished from the rest. Such a relation will last only until the time the physical desires and lust are satisfied.But, how can a person differentiate whether he or she is experiencing true love or is in an emotionally dependent relationship which he or she might be merely dragging?

If yours is a case is of emotional dependency, you might experience a feeling of euphoria. These overjoyed feelings make you feel that you are in love. You consider your partner as an angel who has been sent for you by God from heaven. Although there is nothing erroneous in this feeling, but you should think about your relationship for some time and reply to a question - When you notice some characters and habits in your partner and you don\'t like them, do you feel disgusted being with him or her? If yes even, then do you feel that you are still in love with him or her?

Many people love their partners even when they have been betrayed, cheated and ignored by them. This is the expression of an internal conflict that is going in the mind and heart of these people. These cannot be explained even by the person who is experiencing these feelings. This internal conflict is a major symptom reflecting emotional dependency.

Relationships that are based on emotional dependency do not last for very long duration and it cannot bring wellness for life. This is because the motive behind them being selfish. In such kinds of relationships, people feel frustrated, stressed, and suffocated and in spite of all these negative feelings they find it impossible to drop that relationship. So it can be concluded that emotional dependency is about your expectation from your partner. On the contrary true love is what you wish to give.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/wellness-for-life-beware-of-emotional-dependency-6240824.html
About the Author
Ewellnessforlife provides the best information to achieve success and wellness for life. We provide simple tips to fulfill your goals and prosper in life.

Mirrors

By: James Kyle

He did not want to move. He did not want to be here. But he did not want to move. He was afraid to move.

He had to do something. Slowly, hesitantly, he looked around one more time. He was completely surrounded by mirrors. He looked into the mirror ahead of him. Was it a wall? Or a corridor that he could move into? He peered forward into the potential corridor, into one potential future. If he decided to move. If it was a way forward. It looked like a passageway, but was it just a reflection of where he had come from? Was he just being caught endlessly repeating his own past? Did he ever move forward?

Why was he here? He hated it here. He looked into the mirror ahead of him. He saw his own tormented face staring back. And behind the first anguished face there was another, and then another, and another. His entire world consisted of never ending images of reflected pain and suffering.

His head slumped and he began to cry. The tears in the mirror below climbing up to splash in perfect unison with the ones rolling down and falling off his cheeks. Splashing tears creating pools of sorrow, over and over again. The falling tears counted off seconds which became minutes, then hours, then days. Days without end.

He did not want to be here. This was a wretched place to be. He had to escape.

He ran ahead into the mirrored corridor. And he ran, and he ran, turning one corner after another. As he did so, many emotions came and went, excitement, anxiousness, fear, anticipation, frustration, elation, anger, hope. Hope that around the next corner he would find freedom. Perhaps this corner here.

But wait, what is this on the ground? A pool of tears. His tears. The tears he had being trying to run away from. It was true. There was no way out.

Finally, in this abyss of hopelessness he surrendered to his fate. He let go of all attachment to escaping this reality. He prepared himself for the despair to deepen, for the pain to get worse, for the futility to overwhelm him.

He waited. And then waited some more. But the expected heaviness did not intensify. In fact -  he felt better, lighter. What had happened? He waited once more. And a word came unbidden into his mind. Acceptance.

He looked into the mirror ahead of him. He was surprised to see his own face smiling back. And behind the first joyful face there was another, and then another, and another. His entire world consisted of never ending images of reflected joy and contentment.

He did not need to move. This was a good place to be. 

Why Forgiveness is Crucial to Your Happiness

By: Sonia Devine

Your ability to forgive those who have hurt you in the past is a crucial stepping stone to your spiritual and emotional growth. Throughout the course of our lives, we collect emotional baggage. This is unavoidable, and even though it can cause us a great deal of pain, it helps us to define who we are as people; the result is, we grow even more and learn valuable lessons along the way about ourselves and others.
So there you have it - emotional baggage is an unavoidable part of all of our lives - but it's not actually this that is the real cause of unhappiness in your life. What's really important is how you choose to deal with that baggage, because what you do here will determine the success or failure of your future relationships.. Now, there is another very important point I want to make:

People come into our lives to teach us lessons It's what you do with these lessons that determines how your future will be. Think of all the people you have encountered in your life. Isn't it funny to look back and think about the last time you saw a particular person; it may have been several years ago, and it's quite possible that you will never again see him/her in this lifetime!The reason? Because this person has served their purpose in your life. So now that you know this, think about this; what did this person teach you? Some relationships or encounters that we have with other people last only a few days, and some last a lifetime. But either way, each experience serves a specific purpose and is extremely relevant to your life!.
Now, given that every experience we have is a lesson for us, think about the people who have hurt you in the past. Have you allowed yourself to forgive them? Or are you still holding into the emotional pain? Do you find yourself conjuring up scenes of "sweet revenge" in your mind, or worse still, acting out those scenes? Are you able to forgive and let go? If you are not, then who holds the power - you or them?

Don't let people who have hurt you in the past have any control over your future! When you make a choice to forgive others, you are NOT lying down and becoming a doormat, nor are you admitting that person who hurt you is in the right. Forgiveness is about taking back control of your life and not allowing your negative emotions to rule you. And forgiveness is also about letting go of all those debilitating emotions that could be responsible for sabotaging your current relationships! So ask yourself this question: Do you want to feel good? If you are still carrying feelings of resentment and anger towards someone who hurt you, then what are you getting out of it?
Hanging on to feelings of resentment, hatred or anger, will ensure that these destructive feelings WILL spill over into your current life and stop you from enjoying positive, successful relationships with other people.
The fact is, your subconscious mind never ignores negative energy and emotions. It will remind you every day that you need to deal with them, and until you do, it will manifest your unresolved emotional pain through insomnia, chronic physical pain and in extreme cases, through life threatening illness. So there it is; make a decision today to take back your life by practising forgiveness. Your energy is extremely precious so don't allow yourself to give it away to those who don't deserve to have it it! Move on with your life today, and you will experience miracles.
Author Bio
Sonia Devine is a qualified professional hypnotherapist and success coach with a caring and committed approach to healing, who lives in Melbourne, Australia. You can find more of her information on attracting wealth, self image, love, relationships, phobias and much more on her website Manifest Your Success
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Failure (Part 3)

By: James Kyle

The first tool in reframing our approach to "failure" is awareness. In this context especially awareness of Self talk. Just being aware is a tool? Yes! Consider the rich spiritual tradition of meditation techniques such as Zen mindfullness. This is not trivial - simple awareness practiced with honesty and consistency can in itself transform our lives.

First of all: Be aware of self criticism

Then: Reframe your self talk.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Thomas Edison

"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction." General Douglas MacArthur

On one level you may think this is playing with words but on another level if you really get this, you start to hold reality a different way in your consciousness - remember we create our own maps of reality which in turn determine our experience of our reality.

The second tool is acceptance, especially self acceptance. Without full self acceptance we move into denial then awareness is not possible. Awareness and acceptance work in harmony together because we also use awareness to move out of self judgment and into deeper levels of acceptance. And yes, this is a choice we all have - we can choose not to be judgmental towards ourselves - the first step is to be aware of the judgment. Realize that at times we put ourselves down in ways we wouldn't dream of doing to anyone else. Instead we can choose to be kind to ourselves. Also learn to see things in perspective - often we laugh about something terrible that happened a year previously - Here’s a thought: why not start laughing right away.

As F. Scott Fitzgerald  said, "Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."

The third and final tool is to get into the habit of taking stretches out of your comfort zone. For many people public speaking is a big stretch. At first this was certainly true for me. But guess what, I stepped out of my comfort zone and what was challenging became fun - and a useful skill as well. Also in my past, despite serious health problems at the time, I persevered in learning how to scuba dive and was rewarded not only by the experience of diving itself but also increased self respect by not allowing myself to be limited by circumstances. 

Someone once offered me this magic phrase: if you can’t you must. I now apply it in many different ways in my day to day life. In the early days when giving speeches in public I found this challenging. However I choose to see this as a opportunity to grow and learn new skills rather than something to be avoided. What would challenge you? Bungee jumping, rollerblading, sky diving, salsa dancing, art, stand up comedy, acting. I encourage you to learn that it is safe to move out of your comfort zone and as a consequence that it is OK to make mistakes.

The secret to taking stretches like this is to see them as adventures in learning. If we allow ourselves to be a beginner and a learner, then failure transmutes into feedback on our current learning assignment. Then one day it strikes us why don’t I take this attitude to my entire life and see all of my life as a journey of learning. And in this way we come to realize that mistakes and failures are simply the universe’s way of providing us with further learning opportunities - and we see the world through new eyes and all judgment disappears.

I will leave you with this final thought and something to always remember: "A winner loses more often than losers."

Failure (Part 2)

By: James Kyle

So if our attitude to failure can be so self limiting how do we change this self defeating attitude? First let’s look at the power of reframing our experience of life. Consider this:

R.H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York caught on.
Babe Ruth hit 714 home runs - he also struck out 1,330 times

English novelist John Creasey published 564 books - after he had received 753 rejection slips.

You yourself fell down many times before you eventually managed to walk. As a toddler you didn’t tell yourself I’ll never be able to do this and go to your doctor for a supply of prozac to help you cope with the harshness of life. You just got up and tried again.

Why should it be any different now?

I have another quote for you:

Wayne Dyer once said, There is no such thing as failure! Failing is a judgment that we humans place on a given action. Rather than judgment, substitute this attitude: You cannot fail, you can only produce results! Then the most important question to ask yourself is, “What do you do with the results you produce?”

This is a great quote but I don’t entirely agree. The reality is that there is such a thing as failure - but what Dyer is saying that in most people’s minds there is such a close relationship between the concept of failure and consequential judgment that it serves us best to discard the term failure all together. What this is in fact highlighting is that the real problem is judgment - self judgment!

We need to shift our personal paradigm. Realize that when we criticize and judge ourselves for failure this is a learned behavior. A learned behavior that is not serving us. And we can choose to break out of this ineffective conditioned way of relating to life. In the next post I would like to offer you some tools to help shift your self limiting attitudes to failure.

Failure (Part 1)

By: James Kyle

A man meets a famous guru walking along the road. The man is delighted by this unexpected encounter and takes the opportunity to ask for guidance, "Which way is success?" he asks.

The sage says nothing but points to a place off in the distance. The man, thrilled by the prospect of a quick route to the success he craves, rushes off in the indicated direction. Suddenly, there comes a loud "Splat!!!" Eventually, the man limps back, tattered and stunned, assuming he must have misinterpreted the message. He repeats his question to the guru, who again points silently in the same direction. The man obediently walks off once more. This time the splat is deafening, and when the man crawls back, he is bloody, broken, tattered, and irate. "I asked you which way is success," he screams at the guru. "I followed the direction you indicated. And all I got was splatted! No more of this pointing! Talk to me!" And the guru replies: "As I indicated, success is that way. Just a little bit further, after the splat."

How many times have you been splatted by life? Now ask yourself honestly - what is your usual response - do you quickly recover and get on with your life or do you go hide somewhere to lick your wounds? For how long? Days, weeks, months? Take a second to think about this. Because I really think that your attitude to failure is crucial to the way your life unfolds. My intention in this article is to show that changing your attitude to failure can fundamentally transform your life.

So let’s see if we can find some specific examples to relate to:

Have you ever sworn to give up on dating for ever because of yet one more relationship disaster?

Have you ever beaten up on yourself in your work life because somebody else received the promotion you were after?

Have you ever moved into despair because of insurmountable money problems?

Yes it’s that “oh no - not again” feeling that plunges us into depression and lethargy. I expect that most of us can come up with our own particular version of this reactive attitude to life.

Now here is the crux of the matter - in life stuff happens - what makes us decide that some stuff is unacceptable? As with most philosophical questions William Shakespeare, of course, had the answer 400 years ago: "Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Here are some more words of wisdom, this time from Edwin Louis Cole, “You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.” … and we stay down because of our attitude - our thinking that tells us that what has happened to us is bad, that it is unacceptable - the consequence is Learned Helplessness, a desire to give up, apathy, and depression. And then we stop trying. Here’s a thought. If you really need to worry about something, don't worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.