Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders

Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg looks at why a smaller percentage of women than men reach the top of their professions -- and offers 3 powerful pieces of advice to women.

This video is just under fifteen minutes long.

A self empowering vision

By James Kyle

In the last post I discussed one tool that was encouraged at the University of Santa Monica - that of keeping a journal looking at recurring life patterns. Another exercise we were encouraged to do as part of the course was to formulate a living vision. Here is my own personal response to this:

I am fully present in the moment, expressing myself clearly and authentically, and trusting that my universe is a safe supporting place. I am communicating with myself and others in a positive way, experiencing a spiritual connection which is the foundation for a joyful, playful self-expression. I am experiencing and fully engaging in the flow of the universe, being filled with dynamic energy that is transforming my life. I am connecting with people from this vital center, radiating health and well being to myself and others. I am finding that supporting myself in achieving greater level of health is fun and easy, and naturally, effortlessly this becomes an integrated part of my life from this point on. I am utilizing my intuition to assist me in making self-honoring choices. I am realizing the wisdom of the phrase, ‘excellence not perfection’, supporting myself in moving out of judgment into a position of loving self-acceptance. On the physical plane all of this is contributing to ever increasing feelings of well being and vitality, empowering and balancing my own immune system to come into alignment with my body’s highest good. As my body is achieving greater balance the health challenges which I have experienced up until now are fading away: they were symptoms which were informing me of my need to re-align the focus of my life, and as I do so, the symptoms melt away. I am experiencing life as becoming ever simpler, as my life becomes one of loving service to myself and others.

What would yours be?

Elementary deductions

By James Kyle


So what is all this awareness I have been referring to in various previous posts? It is all very well saying that we should practice being more self aware but how do we go about this? One way, certainly, is by looking for self limiting patterns in our lifes, and this can be assisted by keeping a journal. This is something that was particularly encouraged at the University of Santa Monica. And as a way of example here is an extract of a personal journal I was keeping as part of the course.


This month the common thread was a more powerful self expression of myself in the world. There have been many advances in the ways that I relate to myself and to others over the past few weeks. I have had an ideal goal for myself of living life powerfully from a still center and this is beginning to manifest in my life. As I have connected with an inner peace inside I am more centered in myself and more able to respond in the moment, avoiding regrets, self punishments for past mistakes, and future fantasizing, positive and negative. I am very grateful for the inner shifts that I have experienced over the past two months and my patterning journal has had a significant part to play in bringing about these breakthroughs.

Additionally my intention was to avoid negativity and focus on being positive. This manifested in my life in many ways this past month. A key was that I chose to be positive. I achieved this by monitoring my inner voice, and when negativity started to bubble up, I chose in that moment not to support this and to instead focus my thoughts elsewhere. I also realized from acting classes that I am very good at living in the moment, and displaying emotions, when playing roles - but yet I do not always find this easy in real life. This was an empowering insight, as I recognized that once again I have a choice. If I can choose to do these things while acting, I can choose to do these things in real life too! 

As I allow myself to relax more into just being in the moment, I am increasingly aware of the immense power of just being authentic. And yet doing something so simple does have its challenges. There are various limiting characters that I have observed coming up inside me that I allow to distract me from being authentic in the moment. And of course they all come down to some kind of judgment. So far example up until now I have had an irrational belief that displaying excessive emotions was something to be avoided, both in myself, and in others. Another is one that I have inherited from my Roman Catholic upbringing, and that is that sexuality is wrong, and up until now this has stood in the way of me being truly authentic in relationships. Another is confusing asking for what I want as being needy, and judging my worthiness when it comes to asking for something and being ‘rejected’. Overall I have, in the past, allowed my own self expression to be controlled by my anticipations of how others might judge me. So my intention for this month is to really monitor how authentic I am in each moment and really get in touch with the fact that being truly authentic in the moment is serving both me and the people that I am in relationship with.



The above is the outcome of the the self observations of how I was reacting to myself and other people in social situations over the period of a month. One way to look at this is that you are playing the part of the detective. But the case, in this case, is you. Become an analytical Sherlock Holmes, put aside the judgement, and observe dispassionately how you interact with whatever situations come into your life. As Sherlock Holmes himself once said "“It is a capital mistake to theorize before you have all the evidence". Observe, evaluate and decide what needs to change. And as ever put aside what doesn't work, and do more of what does.

Our world going mad

By James Kyle

In the past I have been perplexed when people insisted we couldn't use such phrases such as "the pot calling the kettle black". The implication of course was this had some racist undertones. But wait a minute - exactly what is racist about using a metaphor of the colour of kitchen cooking vessels being exposed to gas rings on cookers?

However from being mildly puzzled and slightly amused I have went to incredulous disbelief. From the 21st December 2012 an EU directive came into force that impacts the amount of money anyone can expect to receive as an annuity on their pension. Before this date insurance companies quite sensibly used the fact that women on average live longer, and therefore for the same amount saved their annual annuity rates would be lower than their male counterparts. This is the bread and butter of insurance work - rationally applying statistics to calculate appropriate amounts to take in and pay out. In March 2012 however the European Court of Justice ruled that insurance companies would be barred from using gender as a factor when pricing their products. Good news for women as this will boost their expected annuity returns by about 8%. At the expense of men of course. Yes that is right, now due to political correctness myself and all the other men in the EU will be losing very significant amounts from their pension income if they choose to opt for an annuity.

Ridiculous PC thinking is no longer a laughing matter.

It occurs to me that this example of insane political correctness is based upon allowing a specific principle to take unjustified pre-eminence in a mental map of the world at the expense of other mental constructs. The principle becomes so over arching that other considerations get simply obliterated. Moreover, in our day to day lives we can be victims of this poor modelling of reality in more ways than that described above. All of us have cherished fundamental principles that have been conditioned into us by our parents, our religious upbringing, our social education. As in the example of this deranged political correctness, these fundamental principles if left unchallenged often lead us astray, our self-honouring choices being overruled by the ingrained dogma.

As Socrates said: "an examined life is not worth living". What personal principles are disempowering you?

Measuring what makes life worthwhile

Chip Conley went in search of a business model based on happiness. In an old friendship with an employee and in the wisdom of a Buddhist king, he learned that success comes from what you count.

This video is just under eighteen minutes long - eighteen minutes of inspiration.

God is sneaky III: All Nor Nothing

By James Kyle

Having looked at the problematic side of religion here and here, it is important of course to acknowledge the good aspects. Parts of the bible are are beautiful and inspiring and indeed offer words of wisdom. Consider this updated translation of Matthew 12:31 from "The Hidden Gospel" by Neil Douglas-Klotz. :

All types of tangled behavior,

the missing and falling,

the rips and tears-

all the ways you cut yourself off,

break your connection, or 

disrupt the pattern-

can and will be mended.

Sooner or later, you will be freed from error,

your mistakes embraced with emptiness,

your arrhythmic action returned to the original beat.

But your state cannot be mended or repaired,

when you cut yourself off from the Source of all rhythm-

the inhaling, the exhaling

of all air, wind, and atmosphere, seen and unseen-

the Holy Breath

However a key to true spiritual progress is in the use of discernment. Because there are some truths in this ancient book does not mean it is 100% true. I confess I sometimes cannot keep myself from laughing out loud when I see some bible belt preacher on TV declaring with glee that the mention of some obscure geographical point in the bible has been proven by some recent archaeological find. Yes, of course, runs the implied logic, if one thing is true in the holy book, such as the discovery of a minor goat track through the barren dessert, then inevitably it means that it is all true. And that would go for the numerous contradictions within the book I assume. But then perhaps because it is divine it gets an exemption for any need for internal consistency. The Lord moves in mysterious ways indeed.

May I suggest that this all or nothing way of thinking leads us astray on many different levels. For example, we think of food as "good" for us. OK it may mean we put on weight, but something we explicitly label as food, in moderation, certainly cannot do us any harm. Consider this, it would probably be better to think of sugar as white poison, that for some, wheat is a destructive toxin, and for many, milk products have deleterious side effects. Yes, "food" is another example of a mental construct, a short cut label, hiding the true underlying nature of reality. Depending on the individual there are good foods and bad foods. And for many individuals, without discernment and empirical trials the general lethargy and dis-spiritedness they experience in everyday life may be a direct result of that toast and jam, accompanied by that mandatory milk laden caffeinated beverage.

So when you are examining your world view to ascertain what may be disempowering you and leading you astray, whether this is in the domain of your diet or the philosophical foundation of your way through life please remember, with respect to your current belief system, it is not all or nothing, but a case of partial truths - and therefore discernment is required to separate the wheat from the chaff. Now where have I came across that expression before?

      

God is sneaky II: Good Vibrations

By James Kyle

As I was saying in this post, the false certainty of believing in a mainstream religion holds many attractions. Believers can take great comfort from a belief in, for example, Christ and the promised eternal afterlife (for those members of the correct club).

Standing outside this ”members only” sweet shop, looking in through the window, it is easy to feel envious and starved of the comforts within. I myself found myself thinking this way having rejected Catholicism. I rejected the spiritual trash, but I also discarded my spiritual compass in the process. I began to question myself, Am I just being too analytical? What about the concept of inviting god in? Am I missing out here?

It was this that brought me to read ”Experiences of god,” a nonsensical and yet beautiful book. These accounts of what religious experience means to people and how they “encounter god” are beautiful for their heartfelt descriptions of a divine connection. From my perspective, however, they are nonsensical because it is evident that these expressions are being molded by conditioned mental constructs and mapped on to the words of the good book that was their straitjacket as they grew up, whether the bible itself or an new-age derivative. But of course, as ever, the preceding comment is not all or nothing. Not all the contributors were seduced by convenient off the shelf spiritual entities such as the perennial angel, vibrating or not. The overriding sense that I was left with after reading this book was one of relief. It was not the case that I was missing out. It was as I suspected all along - that I had successfully evaded fooling myself into falling for pre-packaged make-believe.

And this make-believe can be very seductive indeed. When I lived in LA, I used to visit quite regularly the Agape spiritual church, in Culver City. The minister was charismatic, the choir was beautifully gifted, and the guest signers were drawn from the talent pool of LA. It was an entrancing and joyous atmosphere. I felt the joy like everyone else. Unlike most there however I did not belief this was a consequence of a disembodied Christ co-habiting my body. The overall point I am trying to make in this series of articles is that dictated religion consists of partial truths and believing 100% in such strangles true spirituality. Crucially, if you outside looking enviously in then don't. Accept the uncertainty, embrace the vulnerable freedom, and if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.

To Be Continued

    

God is sneaky

By James Kyle

Yes, god is sneaky. At least the concept is. There are some indications that believing in a religion is good for your health, and in fact can even help you live longer. I remember when I was at university in Scotland being really envious of a classmate who was a religious believer with deep convictions – a faith that manifestly made her very happy indeed. However even then I realized that there was a disconnect between this inner peace and the assumed source of this internal happiness - that a state of mind was being mapped on to a mental construct dressed up as an eternal truth.

Myself, I had rejected a catholic religion that promulgated a warped concept of sexuality and dictated the need for all of its followers to focus on their mistakes, on their “sins.” And here we have a clue as to why it is important to not be locked into this false sense of – “well if it makes you happy…”

All religions are philosophical models of life that strain to bestow upon themselves the ultimate legitimacy of having the mandate of god. However, they are, in fact, imperfect philosophical systems like any other, with partial truths and major failings – like the idea that it is be good to be judgmental towards oneself for one’s own mistakes. And, of course, this presumed fact that the wisdom has a divine source means that, in effect, it becomes the very antithesis of true spirituality, where an individual lives in the now, open to the interplay between his or her self expression and the feedback from the universe in the each and every moment. I still recall the conditioning of the catechism from pre-teen school years, Q:“Is the Pope infallible?”, A:”Yes the Pope is infallible.” Pithy, and if you really understand the ramifications, terrifying.

Cracks in this cosy world view began to surface for me when I read of the Israelites, accompanying the ark of the covenant, and forbidden from touching the holy of holies, been struck dead by their god because they handled it while trying to prevent it from falling to the ground. Okay, pretty hard to reconcile that with a merciful god.

The static nature of an inflexible philosophy is even more manifest in the Islamic religion. However, if you pause to consider the logic of the situation, the proponents of this religious world view kind of make more sense. If their philosophy is the word of god, then it should be unchallengeable, immutable, fixed. It is the word of god, after all. Again a pretty terrifying thought.

I would suggest that all of the above has a very direct impact on the quality of all of our lives. Even if not a Christian, most of the people reading this blog post will be living in a country where the societal philosophical ethos is based on Christian principles. These spoon fed partial truths, foisted upon us by default religions, prevent us from truly taking responsibility for our own spiritual beliefs. And it is only by embracing the latter that we can become truly empowered individuals.

To Be Continued

The Quantified Self

A 5-min talk on intriguing innovations: using mobile apps and always-on gadgets to track and analyze your body, mood, diet and spending. Welcome to your new world.

How to Develop a Personal Development Plan: 10 Easy Steps

By Suzanne Glover

When you set out to develop a personal development plan, you want to take a few factors into consideration. Here are ten easy steps that give you a good start:

STEP ONE - TAKE INVENTORY OF YOUR LIFE NOW: First thing to do when setting out to make change is to evaluate where you are right now. So, for at least one week (but doing it for two weeks would be better), notice how and where you spend your time. Also, notice if things take longer than you "think" they should take you. Don't place any judgment on how and where you spend time, just notice. Be sure to include weekends so you have a variety between work days and non-work days. Keep this step simple. Don't try to change anything. Just notice your time commitments.

STEP TWO - CATEGORIZE HOW YOU SPEND YOUR TIME: Now let's categorize each area of your life where time is currently spent. A personal development plan sample that I like has the following categories:
1. Dreams
2. Career/Financial
3. Purpose/Goals
4. Love/Family
5. Health

STEP THREE - DREAM ABOUT YOUR PERFECT LIFE: Give yourself permission to take a few moments to dream about your perfect life. While this is only imagination, this exercise opens a portal of inner knowledge that can lead you to your perfect life. Don't judge any of your dreams. These are your true feelings and ones that will guide you in your own proper direction.

STEP FOUR - MATCH UP YOUR IDEAL LIFE WITH YOUR CURRENT LIFE: After visualizing where you would like to take your life, compare it with your current life. Be prepared for this step to cause some pain if there is a big difference between the two. But, this step gives you a "starting point" and an "ending point," both of which are necessary to set out plans to get from one to the other.

STEP FIVE - ASK, "WHAT SMALL CHANGE CAN I MAKE NOW THAT WILL ALTER MY OVERALL LIFE TRAJECTORY?" Many times making a small change in your current circumstances has stronger ramifications as your life unfolds because it changes your focus. For example, if you decide to take a 15 minute daily walk just to "percolate" how to take the next step for your life, this small action will move your current mindset from "I'm stuck now" to "What's next and how do I get there?" Over time, this will gain momentum as your trajectory of life broadens because your "rocket" is now pointed to a new planet - the planet of hope!

STEP SIX - FIND A GOOD PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT PLAN TEMPLATE FOR DETAILED PLANNING: There are many personal development plan samples, examples and templates available today. Look for one that keeps it simple because one of the things I have found that is a hindrance when people develop a personal development plan is that they make it too complicated - which, of course, leads to overwhelm and failure.

STEP SEVEN - GET PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT PLAN COACHING: When you are planning out a major event such as your life, it's a good time to get an objective view of yourself, which is one of the best things about using a coach. Strategizing with someone in this manner can rapidly increase your success rate when you want to develop a personal development plan. Often times, a coach will also have a good example personal development plan.

STEP EIGHT - GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO MAKE THE CHANGES: Often times what stops people from success when they develop a personal development plan is underestimating the time it takes to set goals and make changes. When this happens, it's easy to get discouraged and give up. So, one of the best things you can do is to give yourself plenty of time to make change.

STEP NINE - VISUALIZE YOUR DESIRED RESULTS: Visualization is very powerful, but there is one important component to doing visualization that many people miss. That component is to actually feel the scenario that you are visualizing. This one portion makes the difference between success and failure.

STEP TEN - HAVE FUN: Many times we get overly serious when trying to make changes in our lives. This serious point of view takes all the joy out of the endeavor and joy is also a critical factor when seeking goal achievement.

By using these ten steps when you start to develop a personal development plan, you are setting yourself up for success, one step at a time.


To download a free copy of Suzanne Glover's "Create Your Own Life - Personal Development Plan, Life Plan Workbook," visit her Personal Development Plan article at Effective-Positive-Thinking.com where she gives more free tips and advice.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Suzanne_Glover
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Surfing the Psychological Waves

By James Kyle

"The work we do on ourselves, whether it's psychological, or spiritual, is not meant to get rid of the waves in the ocean of life, but for us to learn how to surf". Ken Wilber


That is one of my favourite quotes because it is a reminder not to be attached to the idea of a sudden spiritual breakthrough when following a path of self growth. Someone who thought along the latter lines would soon be abandoning their efforts. Instead we should expect to see gradual improvement and indeed it is this gradual improvement, this empirical feedback that tells us we are going along the right path.

I can personally see this happening in my business life. In the past when I had a disagreement with someone I would go into an angry, judgmental state. Judgmental of the other person for crossing me, and angry with myself for not standing up for myself, and for getting caught up in the emotion of the disagreement. Over the years I have taught myself some tools, some different ways of thinking that avoids these emotional waves.

In the first instance, I have learned to be very aware that another's point of view can be very different from my own. This is the foundation for Steven Covey's HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD from "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", a highly recommended book: Link to book on Amazon.

This awareness feeds into another essential tool, that of monitoring myself and ensuring that I do not go into judgement. The propensity to jump into judgement can be so compelling but I remind myself that a negotiation of a compromise over different views is inevitably going to be derailed by the participants going into emotional upset. And yet again, if the other person goes into upset in any event, then another well learnt lesson is that this is not my responsibility, and I recall to myself rules 1, 3, 5 6, 10 and 12 from here

And yes this is theory, but yes, from the psychological and spiritual work I have done on myself I have put the above into practise very recently in two very stressful business situations. The gradual improvement does pay off.

To reinforce how challenging this appreciation of just how different a person's point of view can be, I can share an incident from a holiday I had in Barcelona. I was with my partner of the time and we were looking for somewhere to eat. As we walked down a side street off Las Ramblas I spotted a tapas bar and was delighted to see it wasn't a air brushed tourist place but looked like a genuine local bar where we could anticipate some authentic local tapas style food. As soon as we walked in however my partner turned round and walked out evidently very angry with me. Now she was definitely a person who was not very good at communicating her point of view, a trait that would eventually contribute to us going our separate ways, but finally, several hours later I worked it out. I saw a genuine local tapas bar, while she was comparing it with the more "sophisticated" bars from the main tourist area and found it wanting. Who was right? Well, take that for homework.

I started this article with a quote from Ken Wilber, a philosopher, proponent of transpersonal psychology, and founder of the Integral Institute. If you would like to get a flavour of this thought provoking author, an interview with him can be found here: You are the river: An interview with Ken Wilber. Alternatively, here is a link to a book on his work at Amazon:

Add the best. Drop the worst.

Some continuing wise words from Steve Pavlina

By Steve Pavlina

When you realize that you have many bad or mediocre habits that are holding you back in life, you may start to feel overwhelmed. Where should you begin? Should you upgrade your health habits? Attempt a 30-day supertrial? Commit to working an hour a day on your online business?

Here’s a simple heuristic that will help you identify which habits to change first:

Add the best. Drop the worst.

Let’s start with the first part.

Can you identify some of the absolute best habits you could add to your life, such that if you maintained these habits every day for the next 20 years, it would make a huge difference in your results?

Go ahead and brainstorm a few ideas. Jot them down. You don’t need a lot — a small handful of ideas is fine.

Now is there a certain idea that pops out at you? It may be on your short list, or you may come up with a new idea.

This is probably an idea that you fear, at least a little, but it will also be the idea that excites you the most when you think about the long-term results. If you added this one habit to your life and truly mastered it, it would trump all the others. If you could only install one new permanent habit, this would be it.

What is it?

And don’t give me that “I don’t know” crap. If you don’t know, then put your brain to the task and figure it out.

Of course you can’t really know which single habit is the absolute best. You don’t know what the future will bring, so you can’t know which habit will be best suited to your future growth and results. But surely you can make an educated guess.

And if you can’t even guess, then I’ll tell you what to use. Start drinking one quart of fresh juice every day. I like carrot-celery-cucumber-apple-kale-parsley-ginger-lime. It has to be fresh — none of that store-bought stuff. Drink it on an empty stomach.

Seriously, if your mind is too foggy to think clearly about this, it’s a safe bet your diet sucks (processed foods really cloud up the brain), so I’d start with an upgrade there if I were you.

Your Worst Habit

Next, use a similar process to identify your single worst habit.

What is that one nasty habit, that if you could somehow drop it from your life permanently, it would make a huge difference in your results over the next 20 years?

What one problem behavior keeps biting you again and again?

Is drinking soda making you fat, foggy, and anxious? Does checking email more than once a day kill your productivity? Are you wasting way too much time watching TV?

What habit seems to be slowing you down more than any other? Which one would you be overjoyed to finally be rid of?

A decent choice here is to pick the worst food (or class of foods) that you know has been hurting your ability to enjoy high energy, good mental focus, and deep concentration.

Choose Crisp and Clear Habits

Don’t make these habits complicated or vague. Choose simple habits with clear and crisp boundaries.

So don’t pick procrastinating as your bad habit and being more productive as your good habit… or overeating as the bad and eating healthier as the good. What do those things even mean? How do you measure success vs. failure? These choices are meaningless. If you picked something like that, you’re being stupid, so stop it!

Don’t be stupid here. Be down to earth and specific. When you choose a specific habit, there will be a clear and sharp dividing line between success and failure. Either you did the action or you didn’t. There’s no gray area in the middle.

Choose a bad habit like consuming coffee and a good habit like getting up at 5am every morning. These are clear, specific, and easy to measure. Either you drank some coffee in a day, or you had none. Either you’re up and on your feet at 5:00 am, or you aren’t.

If you had a sip of coffee or a chocolate-covered espresso bean, you failed. If you had no coffee whatsoever in a day, you succeeded. That’s crisp and clear.

If you hit the snooze and got up at 5:10am, you failed. If you’re vertical before the clock hits 5:01 am, you succeeded. No room for doubt.

That fuzzy gray zone between success and failure is the death of many would-be habit changes. Don’t waste your time in that space. That is the zone of pretenders and wannabes.

If it makes sense to do so, choose related habits, such that your worst habit to drop and your best habit to add are two sides of the same coin. For instance, stop drinking soda, and drink a quart of green juice every day instead.  This isn’t essential, but it does make the process of change a little easier if you can pair up habits like this.

Begin a 30-Day Trial

Now that you have your two habits, and you’ve vetted them for clarity and crispness (and lack of stupidity), you’re ready to get started. Begin by kicking off a 30-day trial of both habits simultaneously.

Technically you’re doing two overlapping trials together. One trial is to drop your worst habit, and the other is to add your best habit.

Use the process described in the article Habit Change Is Like Chess to set yourself up for success. Do what it takes to handle the early game, middle game, and endgame as you transition from the old behaviors to the new ones.

Don’t look back. Once you’ve locked in these habits, repeat the process. Seek out your new worst habit and your new potential best habit. Then recondition those as a pair too.

You may have been lucky, finding yourself blessed with an assortment of positive habits that have served you well throughout your life, but most likely you still have a collection of time-wasting, energy-draining, soul-sucking behaviors that you’d be delighted to dump. No matter what your starting point is, you can always continue to apply the “add the best; drop the worst” heuristic. Even good habits can be replaced by great ones.

http://www.stevepavlina.com

Changing a habit is like playing a game of chess

Some more very wise words from Steve Pavlina

By Steve Pavlina


In chess there’s an early game, a middle game, and an endgame. The same is true for habit change.

Many people try to change their habits by skipping straight to the endgame. They dive in and commit themselves to making the change happen right away. This is what people do when they make a New Year’s Resolution. It hardly ever works.

Scholar’s mate
Trying to change a habit overnight is like trying to execute scholar’s mate in chess. Scholar’s mate is a strategy of achieving checkmate in only four moves. It only works against total beginners. Against a chess player with an ounce of experience, scholar’s mate will fail. A botched scholar’s mate puts you in a disadvantaged position, so attempting it is usually a bad idea unless you’re playing against a complete novice.

Are you applying the scholar’s mate strategy when trying to change old habits or adopt new habits? Do you go straight for the kill, only to find your attempt shot down?

When you try to change a habit without devoting sufficient time to the early game and middle game, you’ll almost always fail to make the change stick. Only the very easy habits will succumb to this kind of brute force strategy.

The early game of habit change is education and setup. In the middle game, you execute some changes to support your habit change. Only in the endgame do you go directly for the kill.

Early game
In the early game of chess, your goal is to set up your pieces for success. Move your pieces out. Develop a solid pawn structure. Get control of the center of the board. Put some pressure on your opponent’s pieces. Defend your king. The goal of the early game is to get off to a strong start where you’ll hopefully be able to gain an advantage. The endgame is still a long way off.

In the early game of habit change, you’re also setting yourself up for future success. Read some books to educate yourself. Talk to people who’ve already made the change you seek. Write up a one-page plan for how you’re going to pull it off. These opening moves needn’t be complicated, but they shouldn’t be ignored.

Middle game
In the middle game of chess, you’ll normally become more aggressive, but you still aren’t going for checkmate yet. You’re mainly looking for opportunities to gain an advantage in material, position, or momentum. Use solid tactics to weaken your opponent until you have a shot at checkmate.

In the middle game of habit change, your goal is to attack the scaffolding around the habit, not to go after the habit directly. What tactics can you use to give you an advantage? For example, if you want to change your diet, purge all the problem foods from your house, pick 5 restaurants where you can order healthy meals, learn 10 new healthy recipes, and recruit a buddy to go through the same change. Tell other people about the change you’re attempting, and request their support. For any habit you want to change, you should be able to come up with at least a dozen tactical moves that will increase your advantage.

Endgame
In the endgame of chess, your goal is to checkmate your opponent’s king. If you do a good job in the early game and middle game, you’ll be in a strong position to achieve checkmate. If you race through the first two stages, your own king will probably be mated instead. The endgame is often fairly straightforward. Usually it’s clear that you’ve either won or lost by this point.

In the endgame of habit change, you finally initiate the change with the goal of making it stick. This is the point where you would begin a 30-day trial. Only in the endgame do you actually try to change your habit. Up until this point you’re simply jockeying for an advantage that will make the endgame successful.

Fortunately, unlike chess, in the game of habit change, you can spend as long as you want in the early game and middle game. You don’t have to worry about a timer counting down or an opponent trying to outthink you.

If you fail in the endgame (meaning that your new habit doesn’t stick), your mistake was most likely not in the endgame. You probably screwed up in the early game or middle game. You didn’t take enough time to educate and prepare yourself, and/or you didn’t do enough work to give yourself a decisive advantage before you started.

The role of self-discipline
If you feel you must call forth a seemingly inhuman level of self-discipline while trying to change one of your habits, it usually means you botched or neglected the early game and/or middle game. Sweating through a habit change isn’t self-discipline; sweating is the consequence of executing an ineffective strategy. More sweat won’t help much.

Picture a chess player sweating every move in the endgame. Is this a good player? Often this is a sign of a weak player. For a skilled, disciplined player, the endgame frequently plays itself, with the outcome being a foregone conclusion. Since there are fewer pieces on the board, there are fewer options to consider.

If you can’t even make it through the first week of a new habit without feeling an overwhelming urge to quit because you have to push yourself unreasonably hard to keep going, your mistakes were made long before you even began day one. You’re trying to pull off the equivalent of scholar’s mate, and your imaginary “opponent” isn’t stupid enough to fall for it.

Sometimes a little self-discipline will be required in the endgame, especially if you’re tackling a really tough habit, but if you built a solid foundation in the earlier stages, the endgame will often be smooth sailing.

The proper role of self-discipline is to make the best moves you can in the early game and middle game, such that by the time you reach the endgame, achieving checkmate is easy and straightforward. Self-discipline also plays a major role even before the early game. Did you give proper attention to study, practice, and training before you challenged your opponent to a match? Do you know your strengths and how to leverage them? Do you know your opponent’s weaknesses and how to take advantage of them? Are you prepared to win?

If you take a disciplined approach to habit change, you won’t be sweating the endgame. By the time you’re starting on day one of your new habit, you’ll have already knocked the legs out from under your old habit and build the necessary scaffolding to support your new habit. When you finally begin day one, you’ll already have the upper hand.

What can you do to put yourself in a more advantageous position with respect to changing one of your habits? How can you eliminate obstacles, cut off escape routes, derail threats, gain more leverage, take control of the center, etc? What early and middle game strategy and tactics will virtually guarantee success before you even begin day one?

Incidentally, applying chess concepts to personal development is an example of how cultivating many different interests enables us to transplant basic concepts from one field to another to solve problems creatively.

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