Rise and Shine

"Rise and shine 6 a.m. and your hand can't make it to the alarm clock before the voices in your head start telling you that it's too early, too dark, and to cold to get outta bed. Aching muscles lie still in rebellion pretending not to hear your brain commanding them to move. A legion of voices are shouting their unanimous permission for you to hit the snooze button, and go back to dreamland ..."

Life is Risk

Speaking With Soul

By Carl A. Hammerschlag M.D., CPAE


Our job as speakers is to get people’s attention and touch them in a way that leaves them enriched for having heard us. Depending on our orientations, we teach, inspire, motivate, and sometimes change behaviors. Our greatest joy is when an audience member tells us we made a difference in his or her life. To magnify that kind of impact, we have to speak with soul.

What is soul? The soul lives in the worlds of feeling, faith and intuition; it’s synonymous with the human spirit and is what sustains us even through hard times. Soul is what makes you a “mensch,” a person with principle who cares for others and inspires by example.

I have been a physician for 40 years, but I didn’t learn about soul or spirit in medical school. It was only after I came to work with Native Americans that I learned to appreciate the power of the human spirit in keeping us healthy. For 16 years, I was Chief of Psychiatry for the Phoenix Indian Medical Center, an experience that exposed me to traditional healers who found ways to kindle a person’s spirit and help them move beyond their limitations.

In the Navajo language, the word for soul is the same as the word for health, truth, beauty, harmony, and the Great Spirit. The word is “Hozho.” When we speak from that soul place, people hear us differently because they feel our truth. In this age of slick commercialism and salesmanship, there is desperation for that kind of honesty. As speakers, we are not only experts with practiced precision, but passionate people willing to take the risk of being spontaneous. To make such a leap means we also have to be willing to be vulnerable. Don’t be frightened by it. Embrace the vulnerability; it makes you real and soulful. When you come from that place, your audience will embrace you not because of your perfection, but your authenticity. People will remember what you say when you speak the truth of what you feel not just what you know.

My wife Elaine clarified this principle for me one evening, when we were giving our two daughters the requisite sex education lecture. I prepared for this and put together a 20-minute presentation of what I thought was uncompromising brilliance. I wasn’t two minutes into it when my two daughters began to nod off. I would not be denied my time, however, and blathered on for another 15 minutes. When I was finished, I turned to my wife (more as a courtesy then believing she was going to add anything of substance) and asked her if she’d like to say something. Elaine paused for several moments and finally said, “What I know about sex education I can tell you in one sentence.” The girls popped up from their lethargy and, with their hands folded across the chest said, “Oh yeah, what is it?” Elaine said, “If it doesn’t feel good you’re not doing it right.”

Those girls have forgotten everything I ever said that night, but they have never forgotten their mother’s line. That line is actually a metaphor for living a healthy, productive soulful life . . . “If it doesn’t feel good, you’re not doing it right.” If you come only from your head, you will only speak to people’s minds; when you speak from the heart with soul, you can change lives.

Let me give you an example from my own profession. There are 2 million heart patients in the United States who have bypass surgery or angioplasty every year, at a cost of around $30 billion. All these heart patients are told by their doctors that if they don’t change their lifestyles, (i.e., eat healthier foods, smoke and drink less, and exercise more), they’ll be back for surgery in five to seven years, if they make it that long. You would think those facts alone would change their behaviors, but 9 out of 10 of those patients do not change their lifestyles. The fear of death alone is insufficient to change people’s behaviors. The only thing the facts do is remind people of the inevitability of their mortality.

Compare this to the results of Dr. Dean Ornish, the distinguished physician whose program for cardiac patients teaches them what to eat, how to exercise, meditate, build community and connect with others on their healing journey. After a month at his facility, 85% of those patients change their behaviors and do not require repeat surgery.

To impact people’s behavior, you have to speak to hearts not just heads, and this principle is not limited heart patients. Consider the story of Jack Murphy who was the subject of the 1974 feature film Murph the Surf, starring Robert Conrad. Murphy was a legendary surfer, concert violinist, National surfing champion, tennis pro, movie stuntman, circus high tower diver, notorious thief and a convicted murderer. In 1968, he was charged with first-degree murder which he denied committing but was, nevertheless, convicted and sentenced to life in prison.

After 19 years, the Florida parole board voted unanimously to parole him because of his exemplary behavior. Bill Glass, the former football star with the Cleveland Browns, founded a prison ministry 35 years ago. Murphy listened to Glass and Hall-of-Famer Roger Staubach talk to inmates about finding God and how it changed their lives. Listening to them, Murphy considered for the first time, the possibility of faith as a way to change his life.

The same man who once sparked one of the biggest riots at Florida State Prison is now, at the age of 68, International Director of Champions for Life. The job takes Murphy into more than 200 prisons a year, where he preaches, consoles, laughs and cries with inmates. Of course, it’s Murphy the con the prisoners want to see, and he gives them a great show. He tells them about the grandest jewel heist in American history. On the night of October 29, 1964, he and accomplices broke into New York’s American Museum of Natural History and stole the J.P. Morgan collection, including the Eagle diamond, the Midnight Sapphire, the DeLong Ruby, and the world’s biggest sapphire, the Star of India, a 563 carat jewel about the size of a racquetball. Murphy was arrested within 48 hours at a hotel where he and his two colleagues had been throwing lavish all-night parties.

Jack Murphy visits the world’s most violent prisons to spread the gospel. Murphy says, education and employment aren’t enough to rehabilitate a criminal. He says, “If you don’t deal with a person’s heart and soul . . . all you’re doing is passing out Band-Aids.” It doesn’t matter how you share your soul — it certainly doesn’t have to be a religious experience — but it has to be your truth. If you are going to change behaviors, you have to let your audiences see in you what they dare to imagine is possible for themselves. You have to be willing to reach deep down inside and share your truth and the passion of your heart, if you expect people to reach down inside themselves and believe that they can move beyond their limitations. Be the change you are trying to create in others, speak with soul.



About the Author: 

Dr. Hammerschlag, "The Healing Doc", is an internationally recognized psychiatrist, author and healer. He is the only physician to hold the CPAE, Speakers Hall of Fame Award. He is a Yale-trained psychiatrist and University of Arizona Medical School faculty member and a healer who is considered a true pioneer in mind-body-spirit medicine. After spending more than twenty years working with Native Americans, Dr. Hammerschlag is considered a "survival expert" for people in rapidly changing cultures and times. Get "The Healing Doc's" Free Newsletter at http://www.healingdoc.com.

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Why Do We Fall?

"You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! ..."

An Actor's Life

By James Kyle

Imagine an actor preparing for a role as an ageing peasant in a play. The actor will look to the text of the play to find pointers to the character he is about to play. Perhaps the character description will specify an age. Perhaps another character in the play will refer to him as dour. Perhaps a stage direction will mention his limp. The actor will try to get into the mindset of the character he is about to play in conjunction with taking on the physicality of this character. An older person may be bent over, walk slowly, and in general feel weaker. A good actor will not just try to mimic this physicality but approach it from the perspective of the underlying problems that old age brings. He may think of a time he was personally ill and felt weak and exhausted, having difficulty making it from one side of a room to the other. He may go onto think about the struggles he had as a student where money was a challenge so as to empathise with the financial plight of somebody living off the land.

A good actor does not play the person. He becomes the person. However these various attempts to get under the skin of the character only tell part of the story. To consciously take on attributes that a character may have is only one of the challenges an actor faces. A much greater challenge can be to lose those personal attributes and idiosyncrasies that the actor has personally built up as their own persona over the years.

Perhaps a subservient peasant would not talk loudly and at pace, stand directly facing someone else, and gesticulate a lot with his hands. If the actor in his own life does these things and unconsciously carries them over into the performance, it can make the character look unconvincing. In fact, it is probably easier to build the layers of the character being taken on, than strip away the ingrained layers of the actor’s own characteristics.

So what has this to do with personal development? Well as Shakepsepare said “all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” We are actors in the play that is our own life. And this is not a metaphor. We actually do play roles. We actually do all adopt characters. And like the actor above, choices have led to the parts we play. But just as above, these personal attributes are ingrained, and for many people they become unquestioned, unchangeable. Even when they are evidently not working!

So perhaps you could consider instead, that in life, just as on the stage, we all have choices on how we present ourselves. And yes, our conditioning can make ingrained habits hard to shift. But by the use of awareness and conscious effort we can choose to express ourselves in a way that is more self honouring. We can choose to break out of the roles that are not serving us.

Are you playing the best you? If not, chose another.


Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Take This Oath to Communicate Change More Effectively

By: Kevin Eikenberry

Physicians take the Hippocratic Oath before they can practice medicine. Lawyers take a professional oath after they pass the bar. And people elected to all sorts of positions take an oath of office.

Considering how important the leader’s role is in communicating change effectively, and how poorly many leaders do it, I am proposing an oath, or more directly, a series of pledges to help all of us as leaders do the right things when communicating about change.

Change is all around us, and as leaders we must become effective communicators of it. Why? Because we have been asked to lead, which includes helping implement change. And because when we communicate it effectively, we are fulfilling part of the reason we get a paycheck.

Beyond the responsibility to the organization, we have a responsibility to those we lead too. When we communicate change effectively, we are making life and work easier for the members of our team. Change can be hard – and even harder when it is being thrust on you and you don’t understanding it.

So while we might not have a sacred trust related to people’s health or upholding the Constitution, as a leader we do carry an important burden and responsibility when it comes to communicating change effectively.

Here is my proposed 6 part Pledge for all of us as leaders, to remind us of the responsibility we have to help make change happen successfully.

I solemnly pledge to start communicating early. Too many leaders want to wait to have all of the information before discussing a change. While those intentions might be good, while you are waiting, people are wondering, and guessing and gossiping about what is coming. When I communicate early I reduce anxiety and raise clarity – even if I don’t have all the information yet.

I solemnly pledge to ask more questions. Too many leaders try to anticipate the questions people will have and prepare answers. Rather, I will ask people what their questions are and what their concerns are, because I can’t possibly know everything they are thinking, and it changes the dynamic when I ask more than talk.

I solemnly pledge to create conversation, not (more) PowerPoint slides. It really is about a conversation, and if I want to influence and move people to see the change as a positive thing, the best way to do that is through true conversation, not a slicker set of slides.

I solemnly pledge to acknowledge and understand resistance. Resistance is naturally occurring, and isn’t necessarily bad. In fact, resistance represents energy and someone willing to stand up for something they care about. When I remember that resistance is energy, I know the best way to deal with it is to let it be heard. Sometimes people will have a valid concern. Sometimes they just want to be heard. In any event, resistance isn’t to be squelched, it is to be acknowledged and understood, even if it isn’t agreed with.

I solemnly pledge to be patient. Most changes of any sort take some amount of time for us to accept. As leaders we have often been privy to or thinking about a change far longer than those we lead. Because of this, I can’t expect others to jump on my change bandwagon immediately. I must give them time to think through, learn about and come to see what I see. Most often that will happen if we are a little less pushy and a lot more patient.

I solemnly pledge to communicate regularly. Communicating a change isn’t a flu shot, it is more like a bath. We get a flu shot once a year, but (hopefully) we take baths far more often. As a communicating leader I realize I must continue to communicate the messages and perspectives, and continue to give others the chance to engage in the conversation too.

As a leader, I encourage you to consider these pledges carefully. And if you care to join me, you will be making a commitment to communicate more effectively, and lead with greater influence.



About the Author: Join leaders from around the world as a member of the Remarkable Leadership Learning System. This system includes two complimentary months of that unique system as part of Kevin Eikenberry's Most Remarkable Free Leadership Gift Ever today at http://MostRemarkableFreeLeadershipGiftEver.com. Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. You can learn more about him and a special offer on his newest book, Remarkable Leadership: Unleashing Your Leadership Potential One Skill at a time, at http://RemarkableLeadershipBook.com/bonuses.asp .

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Let's raise kids to be entrepreneurs

Bored in school, failing classes, at odds with peers: This child might be an entrepreneur, says Cameron Herold. In his talk, he makes the case for parenting and education that helps would-be entrepreneurs flourish -- as kids and as adults. An entrepreneur since childhood, Cameron Herold wants parents and teachers to recognize -- and foster -- entrepreneurial talent in kids

False Friends

By James Kyle

Anyone who has tried to learn a foreign language is familiar with the concept of a false friend. Examples in Spanish are constipado meaning a common cold and embarazada meaning pregnant.. It works the other way also. A teacher in Spain was telling me recently how much trouble she was having trying to stop her pupils from complaining that their classmates are molesting them – molestar in Spanish meaning to annoy. And preservativo certainly does not mean preservative in English.

It occurs to me that some of our ingrained beliefs / mental maps should also be seen as false friends. They may seem to be “good ideas” but they actually lead us astray. For example, in a previous article I recommended a book on relationships. I stand by that recommendation in general but not in one particular aspect. The exception is that one of the guidelines this book give is to tell the “microscopic truth.” This originally appealed to me as an ideal that we should all aim for and I readily bought into this as the foundation for a successful relationship. Unfortunately to borrow from the movie "A Few Good Men", the words “the truth ... you can’t handle the truth” applies to too many people. I have subsequently found that telling the absolute truth too readily comes back to haunt you. I should also put this in the context that I have learned to have a very pragmatic approach to belief systems. It is fine to have ideals as an objective but if they do not serve us in the real world then they should be abandoned.

My experience of truthfully admitting to faults I had in the past was that this introduced into the relationship doubts and fears that these would be repeated in the current relationship. And no amount of words arguing the case that I was a different person now made any difference whatsoever. Even worse these doubts resulting from my absolute honesty led to the ludicrous situation where my ongoing honesty was being questioned. I had flaws in the past, and if I had none evident in the present, then it must be because I had resolved to hide them.

Now does this mean that with the right person absolute honesty would not work and it should be abandoned as an ideal to aspire to? Of course not. However the point I am making is to be aware of cherished ideas, “spiritual” or otherwise. So for example, honesty is a good principle, but I would suggest, at times, the concept of the white lie has something to be said for it. This could be to spare someone's feelings, to avoid giving a false impression about yourself, or in general to not damage relationships. For an detailed expansion on these points and an interesting definition of white lies as 'Untruths that reduce net harm' see here.

The underlying constraint, of course, is not to be fooling oneself and allow the white lie to verge into true deceit. The guiding principle is that, while being aware that being 100% truthful may not always be conducive to maintaining relationships, never lose sight of honouring yourself and the other party as an overriding principle. What do you think, do you agree?



P.S. I hope you do appreciate I have been truthful about lying!

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Executive's Curse - Conscious Overload

By: Greg Layton

It’s a steamy Hong Kong morning and I watch closely as my client walks into our usual meeting spot, a trendy local café buzzing with activity. His shoulders are hunched, his eyes are a little red and the furrow in his brow is poised for action. He slumps into his chair with a sigh and just looks at me in disbelief. He launches into a monologue about his days that dissolve into weeks and months. How he doesn’t know his family, how he is underperforming and missing critical points in meetings…“How in the hell is anyone meant to perform when there is so much to do?” I let him finish until he has nothing left to say and now he’s looking at me with a look that is hopeful or is it wishful? Clearly he is fed up with being tired, harassed and not performing effectively and has no idea how to get out of this fix. Luckily, his condition is quite common and the solution is closer to hand than many think.

I give him a nod to follow me and we walk to a nearby building that has a sky deck. Up we go, up and up, the people become scurrying ants and the cars and road like little pulsing arteries. “From up here,” I say, “the world always looks different.”

My wonderful client, a senior executive of a large corporation is suffering from what we call, Conscious Overload. It’s simple really; he is taking his old ways of thinking and applying them to much greater roles. As he came up through the ranks, he was required to be in the weeds of projects, to drive detail and process and performance. This is what got him success and promotion. I think it was Albert Einstein that said, “What got you here won’t get you to the next place.” Applying his type of thinking to a marge larger set of initiatives just wont work.

Of course, there is a neurological reason why my client can’t seem to maintain a line of thought. The conscious mind has a limit on how much it can think about at any given time (research has show this is somewhere between 5 and 9 items at a time see George Millers original experiment here http://www.musanim.com/miller1956/) and as long as he stays in the weeds, as long he tries to control a large number of variables, he will be exactly what he doesn’t want to be…out of control. His mind simply can’t deal with the overload, it’s like he doesn’t have enough RAM and everything just backs up and progress actually slows down.

Many of our executive clients tell us that their lives are busy beyond belief with constant stimulus and decision-making.In their minds, there is no way of handling the myriad of tasks, projects and relationships that fall under their responsibility day in day out.

They are all in Conscious Mind Overload and there are physiological (fatigue), emotional (stress and anxiety) and performance related costs that stretch far into the future for anyone living with this pattern.

From the top of the tower, high above the cacophony, we define a new method for managing his life and work. Up here, he can see the forest through the trees, clump thoughts and concepts and see what he needs to change to achieve a great outcome.

At the end of our meeting, I notice a change. The furrow has retreated, the shoulders are square and confident, and the eyes appear focused and sharp. We’ve reset the mind, created a framework for him to store his thoughts and maintain focus on the end result. He is highly congruent about how he will deliver this change. Down we go, down and down, and finally he re-enters the fray with his mind still looking down from a much higher place.


Application - Beating Conscious Overload

1. Think at a higher level:- The single most important step in beating conscious overload is to chunk up to a higher level of thinking. This is a jump from detail to strategy and focusing on the end game. As you rise out of the detailed thinking you can start to categorize tasks and concepts into groups and see patterns of thinking, interdependencies and opportunities for synergy.

What this means is packaging up groups of thoughts together so that we now think about a concept as a whole with a load of smaller parts rather a whole bunch of smaller parts. Think of things as a program of work rather than a range of individual projects. By removing the clutter you free our mind for insight and those moments when ideas pop into your head.

2. Mindmap your Vision and Strategy:- Assuming you know your Vision and Strategy, I find it incredibly valuable to Mindmap it so that you have a clear vision of how it all fits together through time. I draw it on an A3 piece and connect ideas and thoughts, record concepts and resources and people. Sometimes I use several pieces of paper but in the end, everything fits together and during this process I nearly find an opportunity to create some sort of synergy. Thoughts flow during this process and my effectiveness booms as now I can see everything on a page.

Put this on your wall in your office and talk to it with your people. Let them see how you put all the pieces together and get them to help you fill in gaps and identify even more opportunities.

Sometimes it’s useful to have one of these for every aspect of your life. When I do life design, I use a mindmap of my life and then systematically focus my attention on each part of my life and how I can improve it.

3. Delegate and Empower:- Of course, someone has to deliver on the tasks that you are no longer (or never were) responsible for. This requires delegation to your team and I like to use the Stewardship Agreement framework that Stephen Covey developed. This is about creating a framework for your team to be focused and successful. You must define in rich detail what the ideal outcome is, the performance measures, roles and responsibilities and resources available to them and how you will help them achieve their goal. Link their work to the achievement of the Vision and Strategy and make it a formal agreement. (Check out 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for more on this)

4. Review and Signoff:- At the end of each day, I review what has happened and the impact on my mind map. I make notes and updated my mind map. I literally dump all my thoughts onto the plan and if there are items I need to work on or follow up then I make a note to do it at the next most reasonable time.

This review and sign off allows me to go home with a clear mind. It allows my now empty head to think about other things and focus 100% of my attention on them.



About the Author: Feel free to visit http://www.neurosport.com.au to know more about Time management and NLP.

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Better Ideas Faster

Matt Hart has had many jobs that have shaped him into the renowned global innovator that he is today. He starts with an idea and using innovation to add value to working up a better ‘idea’ faster. His approach is to figure things out as you go along. That creates speed from learning by doing. And learning from the insights that doing gives you. He is a human accelerator

Following a bent passion

Everyday objects take on surprising and often hilarious roles in Terry Border's hard-to-describe project. For years now, this unassuming photographer-sculptor-bargain-bin-shopper has worked with snack foods, office supplies, toys, and other items to create evocative and bizarre scenes. Making something great out of "throwaway" objects is a recurring Gel theme, and Terry's work is a perfect match.

To really get it, just watch the presentation - one of the most entertaining Gel talks ever.




Terry Border at Gel 2008 from Gel Conference on Vimeo.

If I could turn back time

By James Kyle

Geoff reluctantly turned off the black and white TV. But then, before they went out, he had told his parents that he would definitely finish his homework if he could watch TV first. And as usual his father had promised him a sixpence if he got top marks in class. But even that motivation couldn’t compete with his wish that the Doctor Who episode that just finished could have went on for hours more. At least they repeated the first week’s episode or he would have missed it all together. Unless he could have built his own time machine of course! That would be so amazing. His homework was delayed that little bit more as he imagined opening the door of his own personal TARDIS to a stone age world full of cavemen and dinosaurs. He could even find himself a pet dinosaur. That would be so awesome - what would he call him?

He jumped with a start as his daydream was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a loud thud coming from the back yard, and he was instantly brought back to the present. It sounded like somebody had fallen. Maybe it was the one of the gang from the council estate. They were always jumping from the neighbourhood yard walls to the top of the midden sheds for a dare. They had taunted him on more than one occasion to do the same. He knew they thought he was chicken. But still, he reassured himself, at least he was a chicken who was alive with no broken bones. Maybe somebody else was not so lucky this time. Deciding he better check, just in case, Geoff stepped outside into the yard - quietly, in case the whole gang was out there. But there was no gang of kids in the yard this evening. Instead there was only a single figure illuminated by the light form the house windows, standing halfway across the wasteland that was their communal back yard, and he was dressed in a spacesuit!

Geoff stood there astonished. Was this a neighbour in a fancy dress costume? No wait, if so, what was he doing pulling in a parachute? Someone actually, really from space? He tried to think if he knew any Russian. But even if he could drag a hello in this foreign tongue from some abyss, his mind was frozen in time with the unbelievable sight in front of him. And then the figure turned and unhurriedly removed his helmet.

“Hello Geoff,” the visitor from space said.

The face kind of looked familiar, a bit like … a bit like his dad??? “Hello … how do you know my name … who are you?”

“Well, my name is Geoff and I have come to visit you …”

“from the future.”

The spaceman laughed. “Yes, that was quick, we are blessed with intelligence aren’t we.”

“But why ...”

“Why have I come back in time?”

“Yes, that too, but why a spacesuit?”

“And not a TARDIS? Like Doctor Who? Well the name gives you a clue.”

“The name?”

“TARDIS – Time and relative dimension in space. To get back to here, I have had to travel through time and space. As I said, we are smart, and I know you can follow this. If I was in a particular place on earth and I simply travelled through time then when I arrived at the earlier date …”

“the earth would not be there, because it travels around the sun.”

“Exactly. And not only that. Our sun revolves around the centre of the galaxy at 828,000 km per hour and our galaxy itself is moving at hundreds of thousands of miles per hour relative to other galaxies. So to jump back in time involves immensely complex calculations to also target the correct spatial coordinates. Even then it can only be an approximation. So the safest way of doing this is to aim to materialize somewhere inside the moon’s orbit – that is where the spacesuit comes in handy - and do a series of mini jumps from there … ”

“into the sky, and parachute from there to the ground.”

“yes, much safer to aim for a good distance above the ground as opposed to ending up under it. And now you know how, shall we talk about why?”

Geoff junior nodded.

“Good, because I have not much time here. After our little chat you are going to get very interested in quantum mechanics. So this might make more sense to you later, but essentially I am here and, at the same time, am also still bodily present in the future. Both of these states of me are in a quantum entanglement. This separation will only hold for a little while longer before I dematerialise from this space-time frame.”

“Just like Doctor Who.”

“Yes, but not quite so noisily, and luckily you will remember everything I say, unlike in the 50 year anniversary episode of Doctor Who I was just watching where they use an appallingly poor plot device to ensure the doctors don’t remember anything …”

“50 years of Doctor Who – wow. Great!”

 “Yes, you have all that to look forward to,” Geoff smiled, then looked at a timepiece strapped to the left wrist of his spacesuit, “but time is running out, and we need to get back to why I am here. Having explained to you the effort it required for me to be able to talk to you today …”

“Are you going to tell me how to make lots of money by investing in stuff?”

“Well I could do, but no need. We do fine financially. I am here to talk about something much more important.”

“Important enough to jump back through time.”

“Exactly. That important. When I was a lot older than you are now, I heard of something called the rocking chair test. To take this test, you imagine yourself as retired, sitting on your porch, thinking about your life – what you did you wish you hadn’t and what you didn’t do you wish you had. You then have the opportunity to decide to make the right choices at that point in your life and not regret poor choices for the rest of your life. Are you following me so far?”

“Yes.”

“Now, I recall how we felt when I was your age. How you are now. We are smart, but we are also very isolated. Our parents are not good socially and all that religious sexual guilt is overwhelming. I remember the pain, I remember how enticing the fantasy of books and TV was – a way of escaping from a lonely life, but an escape that helped maintain that isolation. So I am here to make sure you make the right choice now, for us, before it is too late. That is the gift I bring you. Something much more valuable than ways to improve your bank balance”

“But if I make a different choice does that not change what happens to you?”

“It already has.”

“So why come back?”

“Because your choices would not have changed us unless I made the choice to come back. Fiction makes time travel dilemmas far too complicated. Think of time and space, all the past and all the future as a vast interconnected web that is already laid out right now - unchangeable. But our choices are part of the creation of that intertangled web, and one part of that, is me coming back to talk to you today.”

“To save me from a life of loneliness …”

“Yes, and have a life full of loving relationships instead. That is why it was so important for me to come back to visit you – to share with you one simple rule that will transform your life.”

“Ok.”

“Whatever you want in life, give away,” the older Geoff paused, “Do you understand?”

“I think so.”

“You need more love and friendship in your life.”

“And so, if I want love in my life, give my love to others …”

“See, we are smart.”

Geoff gathered up the parachute canopy into his arms.

“And that will change my life?”

“It already has.”

There was no sound. One minute there were two figures in the backyard, one in a spacesuit. The next minute there was only one. The young boy stood motionless for a while longer. The bells on the clock tower in the old town began to sound. The youth club will just be opening he realised. The homework could wait until tomorrow.



Image courtesy of twobee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Authenticity - Why people arent themselves and what that costs them

By Bella Enahoro

Why should you be yourself? The simple answer is 'because everyone else is taken' - it's both the simple answer and an accurate answer. The important question is 'why are we not ourselves?' What is the pay off for not being ourselves? Ahhh, now we're talking.

To begin with, what would cause us to not want to be ourselves? For some of us, we may have been raised in environments where it was dangerous to be who we are. Even as adults we may be working in environments that demand that we be other than who we are in order to ensure job security. So we conclude, I have to be other than I am to get what I want i.e. love, safety, income etc.

We may have learned to believe 'who I am is not good enough to be loved, guaranteed safety, approved of'. We may have been told 'who you are is not worth treating well'. We may have learned 'who you are is not good enough to meet my standards for 'being good enough'. We may become convinced that we are less than we should be.

When we feel not good enough what happens to our lives? We end up putting things on hold until we feel we 'deserve' by becoming good enough. We spend so much time striving to feel that we're good enough. Have I accomplished enough, am I good looking enough, is my car big/fast/exclusive enough, is my job title high enough, do I have enough awards to be good enough? Exhausting isn't it?
Self worth and authenticity are intrinsically linked. The worth we have in our own eyes, a sense of worth not built on acquisition, job title, appearance, credentials - is the only worth, worth living out of. How many of us realise that we have an intrinsic worth greater than anything on the outside? If we go through life with a sense of being deficient then we are motivated to acquire value - the things that others value in the world then become our aim in life. I may not be good enough in and of myself but look what I've got, becomes our calling card.

Sooner or later, things fall apart, if we're lucky. It can take many forms e.g we can lose everything we spent our whole lives accruing or we meet someone or a situation who places no value on our 'social bling'. We run helter skelter trying to get them to 'see' us as our bling or we go somewhere else. But there's a crack in the tea cup. When it finally breaks open, our break down becomes our breakthrough.

We begin to look for another way. What we've been looking for is a way to feel good about who we are, under all circumstance. We don't always realise it at first since there's much howling in pain and hanging onto fast disappearing 'bling'.

The breakthrough cracks us wide open and everything we've been taught is 'wrong' with us, all the things we've been taught make us 'not good enough' stare us in the face. Excruciating at first but if we stay, refuse to take flight, we can transform. Now begins the re-acquainting ourselves with the 'real' us, all of it.

There are many transformation technologies from journaling, meditation, prayer, walking, body work, sound, vibrational healing. We tend to gravitate towards one that works for us. Soon the pain subsides, loses its edge. We don't feel so raw. Our lives may be in shambles around us but we can stand to be alive and increasingly we can stand to be ourselves. We live in a time of infinite help with wonderful teachers who can assist us in moving out of our debris; emotional, psychological and spiritual.

Not being who we are, may be something we picked up at our beginning but was never a part of our being and we need not continue with it.



About The Author

Bella Enahoro is the founder of http://www.livewellaudio.com a Motivational company that helps individuals,non-profits and companies improve their lives, build communities, profts and positive impact.

Visit her website for the latest on audiobooks, downloads and articles on self-help, personal growth, professional development and spirituality.


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