Friday, 18 January 2013

Tess's Blog (January)

FX: TYPING NOISES

13th January. Hi, Tess the high priestess returns to the blogosphere!!! Hope you didn’t miss me toooo much. I was on a fairy retreat in the Channel Isles. It was A M A Z I N G – though I have to say I didn’t see any fairies personally, but you could sooo feel their presence all around you. The course leader explained that being near France these particular fairies were of an ancient Gaulic origin and were particularly sensitive to non believers energy. That and inclement weather. I did ask her then, why her fairy retreat centre was next to a Jersey technical college? She looked a bit miffed and said she couldn’t dictate where the fairies wanted to live. Maybe I will try again in the summer.


FX: TYPING NOISES:

14th January. My latest copy of “Alien Visitations” explained why the world didn’t come to an end recently. Apparently it is to do with sidereal time and something called Bell’s equation which is the origin of quantum entanglement. This all means that the red shift gets mucked about with and atomic clocks keep losing track of seconds - so the magazine says the world is ending after all – on the 13th of March. Well, a reprieve is a reprieve I suppose. Oh bollocks! I jut realised I sent my cheque off for the enclosed 12 month subscription renewal!!

My top three favourite ancient peoples: the Mayans, the Atlanteans, the Mysterons


FX: TYPING NOISES:

15th January. Do you believe in empowering women? I do. If you agree then please just send me $50 via paypal transfer. And by the universal law of psychic magnetism you will receive $5000 in return. Spiritually guaranteed! How? By magic really. Trust me – that’s all there is to it. This works EVERY time. (But you MUST send me the $50 first). It is sooooo cool.

(Oh, there is one small additional step you need to take - you do need to start your own blog and cut and paste this para as your own post).

My top three favourite laws: the law of attraction, Kepler's laws of planetary motion (I just adore Astrology!!!), Lawrence of Arabia


FX: TYPING NOISES:

16th January. Today I had a colonic irrigation while semi submerged face down in a flotation tank receiving a hot stone massage. And I got to play skipping stones in the tank afterwards. Cool or cool? There was one slight mishap – I started to go all theta – like you do - and as I relaxed my snorkel fell out of my mouth. Seems this is quite a common side effect of this bundled special offer – but the therapist sure knows how to market these things – she is going to enhance her advertisements to add in near death experience as a further bonus.

My top three favourite therapies: “pharmacotherapy”, “homosexual shock therapy” (curing someone’s hiccups by flashing them with gay pornography) and “hyperbaric oxygen therapy” (after my flotation tank mishap)


FX: TYPING NOISES:

17th January. How could I possibly not remember recovered-memory therapy!?!?? I am so forgetful which shows how easy it is to forget that you were burnt at the stake in 14th Century England. Or is it called life regression therapy? There I go again – it is so easy to forget these tiny details, like how you intuitively know how to make healing aromatherapy tinctures because you were a nurse on Florence Nightingale’s ward during the Crimea War. 

My top three most vivid past lifes: Being put out of business as a baker in Bethsaida in Galilee about 2000 years ago (what made it worse was my husband of the time was in the fishing industry); choosing not to be reborn as Joan of Arc (not after my previous incarnation – see above); on Skaro, being rescued from the Daleks by Doctor Who.


FX: TYPING NOISES:

18th January. You do remember I am a high priestess don’t you. Tess for short! Believe me, my religion has the bestest angels of all. Especially the high archangel- he is called Charlie. It was one of the things that most appealed to me when I paid my subscription to join the transcendent ones. Charlie is such a friendly name and he has a loving supportive presence I find. It costs only $2000 dollars per annum to become an initiate – and here is what is so cool - for ONLY $1000 extra you too can become a priestess (or priest of course). This will so change your life!!! Oh, and please remember to use my affiliate link when you commit to your spiritually enriched new life :)

My other top three favourite angels: Azazel, Metatron (a fellow blogger after all) and Angel Delight.