Saturday, 8 June 2013

So who was she ...?

By James Kyle

Woman 1: So who was she?

Man 1: What?

Woman 1: Who were you with last night?

Man 1: What do you mean – I spent the night with you as usual.

Woman 1: Yeah, but not the whole night.

Man 1: Eh?

Woman 1: I woke up at two in the morning – and I see you slipping into bed.

Man 1: I was … pruning the apple tree.

Woman 1: At two o’clock in the morning?

Man 1: Yeah – I meant to do it earlier …

Woman 1: Bollocks. Can’t you come up with something just slightly more believable?

Man 1: I was pruning the tree! You were nagging me all day about it, or have you forgotten? And anyway, why didn’t you say something last night?

Woman 1: I wasn’t talking to you of course ...

Man 1: What?

Woman 1: ... because you were sleeping with somebody else. You expect me to talk to you when you are screwing around.

Man 1: OK ... and now? You are talking to me now?

Woman 1: No, I’m not. I’m interrogating you.

Man 1: Right. You have a point there.

Woman 1: So who was she?

Man 1: Eve sweetie, why don’t you believe me?

Woman 1: You are a man aren’t you.

Man 1: So?

Woman 1: I need to give two reasons?

Man 1: But darling there is nobody for me other than you. You know that’s true.

Woman 1: Typical male flippant remark
Man 1: No, Eve. There only is you and me. Remember. Adam. Eve. Garden of Eden. And the apple tree of course … OK?

Woman 1: Right.

Man 1: Right .. thank goodness for that ...

Woman 1: So, what was her name?

Man 1: Who? No - there is nobody else … Sweetheart, come on, we said we were going to – you know – do it tonight.

Woman 1: Do it?

Man 1: You know.

Woman 1: What?

Man 1: Start the human race.

Woman 1:  You’ve got to be kidding. You think you can screw around behind my back and then I am going to sleep with you?

Man 1: I was pruning the apple tree!

Woman 1:  Right, that’s it, I am never going to sleep with you again. Got it?

Man 1: But honey– we’re supposed to give birth to the entire human race.

Woman 1:  Never.

Man 1:  Eve!

Woman 1:  End of story.

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