Saturday 29 June 2013

World Wide Wafflers

By James Kyle


For many decades I suffered from extreme chronic fatigue. The best way to describe this to you is to say that every morning I woke up feeling like I had drank 10 pints of beer the previous evening - without any of the benefits of actually partying the night before. In fact having a social life was an impossibility for me. I had just about enough energy to get through a working week to arrive at the next weekend to recover just enough to make it through another working week. And that was my life for several decades.

In an attempt to understand what was causing this extreme fatigue I read many books on alternative health and, when the internet came along, attempted to find any insights I could on the web also. The problem, of course, is that there are so many articles out there that are unquestioningly parroting unsubstantiated belief systems, from iridology, to magnet therapy to the latest fad diet, that any attempt to understand the root cause of my "brain fog" was in fact lost in this fog of disinformation. The essential information I needed to make my personal breakthrough was overwhelmed by the mountain of nonsense that people blindlessly propagate as fact.

Now you may wonder why I didn’t just stick with seeking conventional medical advice on my problems. Unfortunately, until recently, medicine has been mostly about the pathology of the norm. My problem didn’t fit into any convenient normal category. In passing, one of the exciting things about recent genetic developments is the impetus this gives to a more personalised medicine. Anyway, the point is over many decades of repeatedly presenting my desperate pleas for help for a chronic fatigue that was devastating my life to various doctors, this got me nowhere. At one point I was even advised to take anti-depressants. This short lived experiment, of course, just made things worse.

This brings us to more recent events. A couple of years ago I started to experience very dry skin on my forehead. In the past I had associated this with eating wheat. So I went on a wheat / gluten free diet. And while this did not help with the skin, remarkably, my brain fog suddenly lifted. For the first time I could get actually get out of bed in the morning feeling somewhat refreshed and come home from work without an immediate desire to go to bed. So now I am fairly certain that all these years this brain fog was caused by eating wheat / gluten. I say fairly certain, because as an empirical scientist, at some point I will do a challenge test and re-introduce substantial amounts of wheat / gluten and observe the results.

I later found this insightful book on the internet: “Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back to Health.” Reading this, among other things, I learned the frightening degree that the genetic make up of the wheat we eat has been modified by agricultural selective breeding, and that "whole wheat bread (glycemic index 72) increases blood sugar as much as or more than table sugar". But of course a key lesson here is that even if I had found this book years ago there is a good chance I would have questioned its veracity, wondered if it was just another quack theory among so many others, and not actually followed the life changing advice it advocated. In retrospect I wish of course that I had this valuable information at my disposal decades ago. If you want to explore this book further, here is the link to the book on amazon.

Coming full circle my skin problems have in fact got worse over the past year or so and now I am wondering if actually it was the fact that I re-introduced milk into my diet in the form of lactose free milk that is the problem here. Now again it would be wonderful if I could consult the internet to see if milk could be contributing to the psoriasis I am now suffering from. But of course, I am back to the needle in a haystack situation. I am sure if if I look long enough I will probably find some web page that says drinking milk causes terminal cases of ingrown toenails.

At this point, you might be saying this is all very interesting – but what has this got to do with me? If some of you have read a number of past articles on this blog you will know by now that a recurring theme of my posts is challenging the false assumptions, bad mental maps that we have internalised. These world wide wafflers I have been discussing above who confuse with disinformation strike me as a great analogy for how we disempower ourselves. Because we are in a similar situation when we are looking to choose an effective response to an event and are led astray by the poor models of reality that have been conditioned into us that we leave unchallenged.

So again my suggestion is to be constantly challenging your internal maps of reality – from your religious beliefs to why someone else’s behaviour is “despicable,” to why your anger and judgment of others, or yourself, is right and fitting. It does say an “eye for an eye” in the bible, right? 

On one level this may seem obvious to you. But of course many people never ever challenge their own conditioning and, in fact, are prepared to kill others because of it. Just consider the number of wars fought around the globe throughout history right up until the present on “ideological” grounds. Now I invite you to consider the possibility that these same self delusional processes that are wrecking havoc among different groups of people are disrupting your own ability to live powerfully in the moment. To consider that poor models of reality lead to ineffective behaviour. But then the question becomes how do you know what to challenge, what to change? Again, it comes down to empirical experiment. Realise that the internalised mental maps that all of us rely upon are a mixture of “good” and “bad” conditioning and for any area of life that is not working well for you be prepared to sacrifice cherished ingrained beliefs by experimenting with different behaviour that breaks out of this conditioning – and simply observe the results. 



Thursday 27 June 2013

A different way of thinking about death in the modern world



Starting from the premise that our social media presence will continue after we die, Adam Ostrow invites you to consider "after your final status update" ...

This fascinating video is about five and a half minutes long.

Tuesday 25 June 2013

Time Management - Five Steps to Lower Stress & Higher Productivity

By Sandra Carroll

"Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it."  ~M. Scott Peck

What exactly does the term Time Management mean? Books have been written, theories studied, and systems developed to help us better manage our precious time, and you may have read about or tried some of these ideas. I have not made a new discovery on how to stretch time, or developed a new way to manipulate time. I do believe that time management is simply a matter of making the decision to set priorities and focusing your efforts towards those goals. These could be long-term goals, or merely daily priorities. If you decide to commit to the things you want to get done, you will be able to make the time available to do them. Time management is a mindset.

So, stop looking for that time to get this or that done; you will never find it, because it is not lost; you are living it. In order to make better use of the time you have to achieve your goals, and feel more productive, there are a just few basic principles to master.

First, you need to be able to recognize what is important to you, and understand the difference between important and urgent.

Important tasks:
Help us achieve long-term goals, or have other long-term significance.

Urgent tasks:
May need immediate attention to avoid a crisis, but are not necessarily important in the long-term.

Make the following five time management strategies into habits and you will begin to see your productivity increase and the chaos decrease.

1. Set your priorities - Write down your goals, and don't be vague. Be very specific with what you want, when you want it, and the steps you need to take to get there. Break your goal down to manageable chunks, and give yourself specific tasks to achieve each step.

2. Make lists - Limit your daily to-do list to 6 items or less. If you list is too long, you will feel defeated when you are unable to complete it. Prioritize the items on your list and try to devote 80% of your time and energy on the important tasks. Of course, there will be some days that nothing important gets done, because the urgent items dominate.

3. Eliminate distractions - People, phones, clutter, hunger, e-mails, you name it; they can eat up entire workdays. Be aware of what your distractions are and learn to filter them out. Take care of necessary details before you sit down to start a project, and remember the important vs. urgent rule.

4. Schedule time for planning - Develop the habit of planning for tomorrow, the night before. Take a few minutes to clean up your work area, make your to-do list, bringing forward any tasks that did not get completed, and mentally prepare for the next day. Your subconscious will help organize your thoughts while you sleep. To quote Alan Lakein - "Failing to plan is planning to fail."

5. Use some kind of calendar, day planner or PDA - Find a format that suits your work style and make using it a habit.

There is one big time-eater that you must learn to recognize and manage, and that is procrastination, although procrastinating is not always a bad thing. There are many tasks we put off because we are doing something more important, and that is a good thing, usually. It is only when we put things off to do something less important, or to do nothing, that procrastinating becomes a problem. Paul Graham says in his essay, Good and Bad Procrastination, "I think the way to "solve" the problem of procrastination is to let delight pull you instead of making a to-do list push you. Work on an ambitious project you really enjoy, and sail as close to the wind as you can, and you'll leave the right things undone." He contends that important projects require large blocks of uninterrupted time, when inspiration hits, and that to-do lists and errands will reduce that productive flow.

While Mr. Graham's advice flies in the face of the time management tips I just listed, I do agree with his concept. If you are working effectively on a project that is important to you, the idea of interrupting that work to do less important items on your to-do list, does seem counter productive. Those less important items can always be moved to the next day's list.

It comes back to priorities again. What is important to you? Have a very clear understanding of your priorities, not only for a particular day, but also for the long-term. Create the space and time to achieve your goals, and understand that there is never time enough to do everything, and that is OK.


Sandra J. Carroll is a self employed consultant and a freelance writer, with over 30 years of business experience. Her company, Creative Changes provides home staging services, as well as organizing, space planning and storage solutions for homeowners and small businesses.

As a small business owner, mother, and owner of two homes Sandra has first hand knowledge of the challenges that entrepreneurs and homeowners are dealing with every day. Sandra studied business and humanities at the University of Arizona. She lives and works in the Palm Springs area of Southern California. For more information about Sandra and her organizing and staging business, please visit: www.creative-changes.com [http://www.creative-changes.com]

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Saturday 22 June 2013

A book full of wise words

By James Kyle

"in trying to describe excellent mental health, and compare it with ill-health, and with the 'average' health in between ... it's difficult not to talk as if they are quite different from one another ... But in fact, our level of health is changing all the time. We feel more healthy in our better moments ... when things are going well ...And we can all feel less healthy under stress ..."

Healthy people "don't seem to keep score, make accounts, or keep an eye on the emotional books to make sure they balance ... they have such an abundance of goodwill and enjoyment that they can give freely just because they feel like doing so, without any element of calculation".

Healthy people are "capable of great intimacy and affection; but they also feel self-sufficient and confident and free, so they don't need each other desperately. When they are apart they can cope perfectly well indeed, they enjoy themselves thoroughly!"

"No human feeling needs to be a cause of shame. Therefore, the children experience no need to hide things, to confuse, to distort, or otherwise cloud what they experience. Sexuality, anger, envy, they're all regarded as a natural part of human experience".

Also covering such topics as "Laughing as intimacy", "Embracing new ideas", "Accepting failings", "Re-discovering play" and "Fulfilment in later life" why would you not want to read this wonderful book: "Life and how to survive it" by the founder of the Institute for Group Analysis, Robin Skynner, and John Cleese. Yes, that John Cleese - so it is engaging and amusing too. What's not to like? This is one of my favourite books that describes in detail what it is like to live a healthy powerful life. It can be found on Amazon here.


Thursday 20 June 2013

Should you keep your goals to yourself?



If you follow this link to the TED page and look at the comments you will see that this video very much divided opinion. Have a listen - what do you think?

This video is just over 3 minutes long.

Tuesday 18 June 2013

Everybody is crazy - except me


By James Kyle

Many decades ago when I was a psychology student at Glasgow university some fellow students and I would sit on the back row of the lecture theatre for the seminars on "Abnormal Psychology", listening to the descriptions of schizophrenia and paranoid personality disorder and the like, and tick off the symptoms as we did so. A bit like the game we all play theses days when we have a twinge in our left bicep, look up the symptoms on the internet, and convince ourselves we have malignant soft tissue tumors infestating the aforementioned muscle.

However in retrospect, sitting in that class, we were not as misguided as you might think. Here is a thought for you to take in. All of us suffer from some form of mental illness. Yes, all of us. What varies is just how badly our ability to cope with day to day life is affected. So, for example, screaming at your boss because he reminds you of your controlling, judgmental father may not get you forcibly institutionalised, but I would think it would not be very good for your career prospects. And the latter certainly is a good example of having problems functioning in day to day life due to ineffective mental maps. Or, mental illness in other words.

Continuing our theme of awareness from this post, I invite you to consider the work of Albert Ellis who identified 12 common irrational beliefs. Bring your awareness to those that resonate with you in particular as the first and crucial step in rooting out the mental illnesses to which you yourself are particularly prone.

1. The idea that it is a dire necessity for adults to be loved by significant others for almost everything they do ... Instead of their concentrating on their own self-respect, on winning approval for practical purposes, and on loving rather than on being loved. 

2. The idea that certain acts are awful or wicked, and that people who perform such acts should be severely damned ... Instead of the idea that certain acts are self-defeating or antisocial, and that people who perform such acts are behaving stupidly, ignorantly, or neurotically, and would be better helped to change. People's poor behaviors do not make them rotten individuals.

3. The idea that it is horrible when things are not the way we like them to be... Instead of the idea that it is too bad, that we would better try to change or control bad conditions so that they become more satisfactory, and, if that is not possible, we had better temporarily accept and gracefully lump their existence.

4. The idea that human misery is invariably externally caused and is forced on us by outside people and events... Instead of the idea that neurosis is largely caused by the view that we take of unfortunate conditions.

5. The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome we should be terribly upset and endlessly obsess about it ... Instead of the idea that one would better frankly face it and render it non-dangerous and, when that is not possible, accept the inevitable.

6. The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face life difficulties and self-responsibilities... Instead of the idea that the so-called easy way is usually much harder in the long run.

7. The idea that we absolutely need something other or stronger or greater than ourself on which to rely ... Instead of the idea that it is better to take the risks of thinking and acting less dependently.

8. The idea that we should be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects ... Instead of the idea that we would better do rather than always need to do well, and accept ourself as a quite imperfect creature, who has general human limitations and specific fallibilities.

9. The idea that because something once strongly affected our life, it should indefinitely affect it ... Instead of the idea that we can learn from our past experiences but not be overly-attached to or prejudiced by them.

10. The idea that we must have certain and perfect control over things ... Instead of the idea that the world is full of improbability and chance and that we can still enjoy life despite this.

11. The idea that human happiness can be achieved by inertia and inaction ... Instead of the idea that we tend to be happiest when we are vitally absorbed in creative pursuits, or when we are devoting ourselves to people or projects outside ourselves.

12. The idea that we have virtually no control over our emotions and that we cannot help feeling disturbed about things ... Instead of the idea that we have real control over our destructive emotions if we choose to work at changing the “musturbatory” hypotheses which we often employ to create them.


Thursday 13 June 2013

10 Powerful Motivational Thoughts

By Doug Dvorak 

Are you struggling to find motivation to complete a major goal or tackle a big project that you have been working on forever? If you need help drumming up some extra passion to push you through, check out these 10 powerful motivational thoughts and then reread them aloud anytime you are struggling. You might want to post them somewhere in your office or home so you encounter them anytime you start feeling discouraged. Use these thoughts as a way to propel you forward to the success you have been dreaming of.

1. Doubters Speak From Their Own Pain.
If you have someone in your life that constantly doubts your ability to succeed, remember that they are speaking from their own experiences. They believe that they could not do it and so they are projecting this feeling onto you. Pay them no attention. Their experiences can never determine yours.

2. Kindness Conquers Everything.
When someone is giving you problems and you feel tempted to respond in anger or frustration, remember that kindness conquers everything. Kindness is never a form of weakness, but instead it shows an inner strength that few possess.

3. Beware of Your Internal Bully.
Sometimes we grow offended when others tear us down or speak out against our goals. However, do you act equally offended when your own inner voice speaks against you in doubt or fear? Each of us has an inner bully that we must silence if we want to accomplish our goals. Make sure you are aware of that small voice inside and learn to conquer it by speaking truth when those doubts or fears arise.

4. Negativity Comes From a Place of Immaturity.
If you have a negative person in your life that is constantly dragging you down, consider the maturity level of your antagonist. In most cases, you will notice an inner child that is speaking out of fear, uncertainty, or simply lack of knowledge. Maturity is a hallmark of positive living and so keep that in mind when you assess the words of your antagonist.

5. You Are Not Defined By Your Circumstances.
You might be tempted to base your worth or your well being on your life's current circumstances, but this is an urge that you must overcome in order to succeed. Your external circumstances can never altar who you are.

6. Money Cannot Buy Happiness.
Take a look at the societies of the world today and you will find that some of the wealthiest people are also struggling heavily with depression. Money is not the key to unlocking happiness. Just because you have financial security, this will not equate to emotional security.

7. The World Is Yours to Conquer.
There is no limit to what you can accomplish. Allow yourself to dream big and open yourself up to a new realm of possibilities.

8. You Only Get One Life.
This is your one shot at life. How will you use this opportunity? Will you spend your days pursuing selfish gain or battling your own emotions? Take a look at the big picture and determine if you are spending your life wisely.

9. You Can Do Anything!
There is no great limit on your potential. In fact, the only thing holding you back is your own fear and doubt.

10. You Are Loved.
No matter what your life looks like, you were created with great love and there are people who love you. Try to see yourself through the eyes of others and you will realize that you truly are a masterpiece worthy of love.


Doug Dvorak is the CEO of DMG Inc., a worldwide organization that assists clients with productivity training, corporate humor and workshops, as well as other aspects of sales and marketing management. Mr. Dvorak's clients are characterized as Fortune 1000 companies, small to medium businesses, civic organizations and service businesses. Mr. Dvorak has earned an international reputation for his powerful educational methods and motivational techniques, as well as his experience in all levels of business, corporate education and success training. http://www.dougdvorak.com

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Tuesday 11 June 2013

What assumptions are leading you astray?

By James Kyle


I have a question for those of you who read this post: "So who was she?" - did you make the connection with this post: "Changing you Life by Asking the Right Questions"?

The connecting thread is the fundamental principle of questioning assumptions and being open to feedback. A key life skill.

On one level an objective would be to live in the moment with an "empty mind" connecting with others from a compassionate still centre. But on another level we need the mental maps conditioned into our minds - if only to make sure that we get across a street without getting knocked down.

These mental maps are of service to us. However all too often they can become an obstacle in the way of expressing out true selves. The practical rational mind engages when it is not appropriate and mental fears and doubts can kick in that disconnect us from expressing ourselves truly in the moment. In the case of relationships these fears can explode into imaginary concerns, that have no basis in reality, and escalate to levels of distrust that destroy the relationship itself.

So it becomes crucial to be constantly asking ourselves two fundamental questions - is this mental construct I am utilising serving me in this moment and, in any event, what is the justification for this way of thinking in the first place. So in life look for feedback - are your mental maps, your way of thinking about the world, effectively assisting you to experience the life that you want. If not, change them.

When it comes to the mental maps that we have created for ourselves to make sense of the world all too often they are based on false assumptions. There are so many inherited untested beliefs in our heads that can lead us astray. These operate on many different levels. A friend of mine who read this blog post on Mother Teresa took exception to this picture of a saintly person showing "kindness, patience, generosity and gentleness of spirit". He instead provided this following link: "Mother Teresa anything but a saint". In fact, my friend does not have a lot of love for bloggers because he believes they in general they are guilty of propagating erroneous assumptions though not showing due diligence in checking their facts. In my own personal defense I do practice what I preach and am ever open to modifying my beliefs in the face of new information.

In theory, main stream media are more conscientious in validating any articles they publish. However even in this case their record is less than perfect, especially the "popular press." On a parochial level the Scottish press handling of the demise of one of the countries' dominant football clubs (or soccer clubs for those in the States) has been more than suspect. On a more global scale, the adage to not believe everything you read was even enshrined in one of the best TV series ever made, being the central tenet of series 5 of "The Wire." People have motives for the stories they spin. The central message here is that we have been constantly been exposed to partial truths and false facts from the moment our brains started to try to make sense of the world.

It can, of course, be challenging to discern "the truth." I was thinking of highlighting the assumption that dolphins are friendly, cuddly creatures has in fact been disputed with reports that they are often vicious rapists. However as I looked up different articles the latter point was disputed in turn. So what should we believe? Do we just give up?

Unfortunately, giving up is not an option. I am making this point repeatedly about challenging assumptions because we are all prone to erroneously making key life choices on the back of false assumptions. And while what we believe about dolphins might not be a central theme around which our lives revolve, some assumptions do lead to choices that fundamentally decide our life path and how happy we are with our lives.

So here is my suggestion for you. Get into the habit of constantly questioning the assumptions, the mental maps that underlie the choices you make in life. And as above, if in doubt, ask yourself does this mental map support me in expressing who I am? If not find a better alternative.


By the way, did the Americans really land on the moon? Ok, maybe that is going a bit too far ...


Saturday 8 June 2013

So who was she ...?


By James Kyle


Woman 1: So who was she?

Man 1: What?

Woman 1: Who were you with last night?

Man 1: What do you mean – I spent the night with you as usual.

Woman 1: Yeah, but not the whole night.

Man 1: Eh?

Woman 1: I woke up at two in the morning – and I see you slipping into bed.

Man 1: I was … pruning the apple tree.

Woman 1: At two o’clock in the morning?

Man 1: Yeah – I meant to do it earlier …

Woman 1: Bollocks. Can’t you come up with something just slightly more believable?

Man 1: I was pruning the tree! You were nagging me all day about it, or have you forgotten? And anyway, why didn’t you say something last night?

Woman 1: I wasn’t talking to you of course ...

Man 1: What?

Woman 1: ... because you were sleeping with somebody else. You expect me to talk to you when you are screwing around.

Man 1: OK ... and now? You are talking to me now?

Woman 1: No, I’m not. I’m interrogating you.

Man 1: Right. You have a point there.

Woman 1: So who was she?

Man 1: Eve sweetie, why don’t you believe me?

Woman 1: You are a man aren’t you.

Man 1: So?

Woman 1: I need to give two reasons?

Man 1: But darling there is nobody for me other than you. You know that’s true.

Woman 1: Typical male flippant remark
.
Man 1: No, Eve. There only is you and me. Remember. Adam. Eve. Garden of Eden. And the apple tree of course … OK?

Woman 1: Right.

Man 1: Right .. thank goodness for that ...

Woman 1: So, what was her name?

Man 1: Who? No - there is nobody else … Sweetheart, come on, we said we were going to – you know – do it tonight.

Woman 1: Do it?

Man 1: You know.

Woman 1: What?

Man 1: Start the human race.

Woman 1:  You’ve got to be kidding. You think you can screw around behind my back and then I am going to sleep with you?

Man 1: I was pruning the apple tree!

Woman 1:  Right, that’s it, I am never going to sleep with you again. Got it?

Man 1: But honey– we’re supposed to give birth to the entire human race.

Woman 1:  Never.

Man 1:  Eve!

Woman 1:  End of story.


Tuesday 4 June 2013

How to Stop Complaining


By Steve Pavlina

Perhaps the most important step in quitting the habit of complaining is to disconnect the undesirable behavior from your identity.  A common mistake chronic complainers make is to self-identify with the negative thoughts running through their minds.  Such a person might admit, “I know I’m responsible for my thoughts, but I don’t know how to stop myself from thinking negatively so often.”  That seems like a step in the right direction, and to a certain degree it is, but it’s also a trap.  It’s good to take responsibility for your thoughts, but you don’t want to identify with those thoughts to the point you end up blaming yourself and feeling even worse.

A better statement might be, “I recognize these negative thoughts going through my mind.  But those thoughts are not me.  As I raise my awareness, I can replace those thoughts with positive alternatives.”  You have the power to recondition your thoughts, but the trick is to keep your consciousness out of the quagmire of blame.  Realize that while these thoughts are flowing through your mind, they are not you.  You are the conscious conduit through which they flow.

Mental conditioning

Although your thoughts are not you, if you repeat the same thoughts over and over again, they will condition your mind to a large extent.  It’s almost accurate to say that we become our dominant thoughts, but I think that’s taking it a bit too far.

Consider how the foods you eat condition your body.  You aren’t really going to become the next meal you eat, but that meal is going to influence your physiology, and if you keep eating the same meals over and over, they’ll have a major impact on your body over time.  Your body will crave and expect those same foods.  However, your body remains separate and distinct from the foods you eat, and you’re still free to change what you eat, which will gradually recondition your physiology in accordance with the new inputs.

This is why negative thinking is so addictive.  If you keep holding negative thoughts, you condition your mind to expect and even crave those continued inputs.  Your neurons will even learn to predict the reoccurrence of negative stimuli.  You’ll practically become a negativity magnet.

The trap of negative thinking
This is a tough situation to escape because it’s self-perpetuating, as anyone stuck in negative thinking knows all too well.  Your negative experiences feed your negative expectations, which then attract new negative experiences.

In truth most people who enter this pattern never escape it in their entire lives.  It’s just that difficult to escape.  Even as they rail against their own negativity, they unknowingly perpetuate it by continuing to identify with it.  If you beat yourself up for being too negative, you’re simply reinforcing the pattern, not breaking out of it.

I think most people who are stuck in this trap will remain stuck until they experience an elevation in their consciousness.  They have to recognize that they’re trapped and that continuing to fight their own negativity while still identifying with it is a battle that can never be won.  Think about it.  If beating yourself up for being too whiny was going to work, wouldn’t it have worked a long time ago?  Are you any closer to a solution for all the effort you’ve invested in this plan of attack?

Consequently, the solution I like best is to stop fighting and surrender.  Instead of resisting the negativity head-on, acknowledge and accept its presence.  This will actually have the effect of raising your consciousness.

Overcoming negativity

You can actually learn to embrace the negative thoughts running through your head and thereby transcend them.  Allow them to be, but don’t identify with them because those thoughts are not you.  Begin to interact with them like an observer.

It’s been said that the mind is like a hyperactive monkey.  The more you fight with the monkey, the more hyper it becomes.  So instead just relax and observe the monkey until it wears itself out.
Recognize also that this is the very reason you’re here, living out your current life as a human being.  Your reason for being here is to develop your consciousness.  If you’re mired in negativity, your job is to develop your consciousness to the point where you can learn to stay focused on what you want, to create positively instead of destructively.  It may take you more than a lifetime to accomplish that, and that’s OK.  Your life is always reflecting back to you the contents of your consciousness.  If you don’t like what you’re experiencing, that’s because your skill at conscious creation remains underdeveloped.  That’s not a problem though because you’re here to develop it.  You’re experiencing exactly what you’re supposed to be experiencing so you can learn.

Conscious creation

If you need a few more lifetimes to work through your negativity, you’re free to take your time.  Conscious creation is a big responsibility, and maybe you don’t feel ready for it yet.  So until then you’re going to perpetuate the pattern of negative thinking to keep yourself away from that realization.  You must admit that the idea of being the primary creator of everything in your current reality is a bit daunting.  What are you going to make of your life?  What if you screw up?  What if you make a big mess of everything?  What if you try your best and fail?  Those self-doubts will keep you in a pattern of negativity as a way of avoiding that responsibility.

Unfortunately, this escapism has consequences.  The only way true creators can deny responsibility for their creations is to buy into the illusion that they aren’t really creating any of it.  This means you have to turn your own creative energy against yourself.  You’re like a god using his powers to become powerless.  You use your strength to make yourself weak.

The reason you may be stuck in a negative thought pattern right now is that at some point, you chose it.  You figured the alternative of accepting full responsibility for everything in your reality would be worse.  It’s too much to handle.  So you turned your own thoughts against yourself to avoid that awesome responsibility.  And you’ll continue to remain in a negative manifestation pattern until you’re ready to start accepting some of that responsibility back onto your plate.

Negativity needn’t be a permanent condition.  You still have the freedom to choose otherwise.  In practice this realization normally happens in layers of unfolding awareness.  You begin to accept and embrace more and more responsibility for your life.

Assuming total responsibility

You see… the real solution to complaining is responsibility.  You must say to the universe (and mean it), “I want to accept more responsibility for everything in my experience.”

Here are some examples of what I mean by accepting responsibility:
  • If I’m unhappy, it’s because I’m creating it.
  • If there’s a problem in the world that bothers me, I’m responsible for fixing it.
  • If someone is in need, I’m responsible for helping them.
  • If I want something, it’s up to me to achieve it.
  • If I want certain people in my life, I must attract and invite them to be with me.
  • If I don’t like my present circumstances, I must end them.

On the flip side, it may also help to take responsibility for all the good in your life.  The good stuff didn’t just happen to you.  You created it.  Well done.

Pat yourself on the back for what you like, but don’t feel you must pretend to enjoy what you clearly don’t like.  But do accept responsibility for all of it… to the extent you’re ready to do so.
Complaining is the denial of responsibility.  And blame is just another way of excusing yourself from being responsible.  But this denial still wields its own creative power.

Conscious creation is indeed an awesome responsibility.  But in my opinion it’s the best part of being human.  There’s just no substitute for creating a life of joy, even if it requires taking responsibility for all the unwanted junk you’ve manifested up to this point.

When you catch yourself complaining, stop and ask yourself if you want to continue to deny responsibility for your reality or to allow a bit more responsibility back onto your plate.  Maybe you’re ready to assume more responsibility, and maybe you aren’t, but do your best to make that decision consciously.  Do you want sympathy for creating what you don’t want, or do you want congratulations for creating what you do want?

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Saturday 1 June 2013

Changing you Life by Asking the Right Questions

By James Kyle

First of all please have a look at the two Richard Feynman videos. I personally have a great admiration for this man. Not only did he contribute so much to science in his work on path integral formulation of quantum mechanics, the theory of quantum electrodynamics, but also for me he represents someone who is a great role model for his attitude to life. He had a solid foundation in an intellectual approach to life that was balanced by his joy in creativity and playfulness, and a respectful wonder at the beauty of the universe. If you would like to know more about his remarkable life I can recommend "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!". Here is the link to the book on Amazon

The first video is about one minute long and the second just under five minutes.






In my opinion, one aspect of leading a powerfully effective life is to be a disciple of the Feynman approach to life. If there is one thing I hear echoed in his many public pronouncements it is the need to avoid just accepting what is said to you as "the truth". As his fellow physicist Albert Einstein said, "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen". I would suggest that life should be approached as an empirical experiment. A detective mystery if you like, where you are the case study. And here are some questions to help you along the way.


  • Why do I believe that?
  • Where in my past did I learn this ineffective pattern?
  • When was the last time I tried something new?
  • In general how aware am I of my emotional state in day to day life?
  • What is constraining my behaviour right now?
  • Why do I think I need to be consistent in my approach to life?
  • What choices do I have to make sense of this situation?
  • What choices do I have to make sense of another person's response?
  • Why do I continue to be addicted to thought patterns that bring unhappiness into my life?
  • Is my teacher / preacher / guru speaking from personal experience or parroting words from a (holy) book?
  • Am I asking myself the right questions?

If you would like to take this approach to a deeper level you might be interested in having a look at Kelly's personal construct theory.This expands on the idea, developing a psychological model of "man/woman as a scientist", a scientist of life who utilises psychological constructs to make sense of the world around them.

Again, if you would like to explore Kelly's work further here is an Amazon link to: A Theory of Personality: The Psychology of Personal Constructs